The Stranger

It’s a boom-box parade, and here’s how it works: You dress for the weather, then show up at Chapel Performance Space with your own playback device (CD/cassette boom box, iPod, or phone with battery-powered speakers), you download the music for free, and then you all set out together to make the night unsilent in the streets of Wallingford. Composer Phil Kline created this in New York in 1992, and it’s performed around the world every December. It’s perfect for closet sentimentalists hankering for something like holiday caroling, but with an avant-garde streak. (Chapel Performance Space, 4649 Sunnyside Ave N, chapelspace.blogspot.com, meet at 6:30 pm/procession at 7 pm, free) by Jen Graves

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You could call Homo for the Holidays a holiday-themed burlesque revue, but that’d be like calling the virgin birth an unintended pregnancy. A merrily profane satire-ball wrapped in glitter and false eyelashes, Homo pulls in some of Seattle’s best drag/dance/queer performance talents: Ben DeLaCreme, the Cherdonna and Lou Show, Faggedy Randy (of the Can Can Castaways), Jinkx Monsoon, and tons more. I’m kicking myself for missing it last year, but Dan Savage said it was “fucking great” and “fucking hilarious.” (Odd Fellows West Hall, 915 E Pine St, brownpapertickets.com, 7 and 10 pm, $20 adv/$25 DOS) by Brendan Kiley

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Rejoice, residents of Columbia City: The charming yet challenged theater formerly known as Columbia City Cinema has reopened under new management and with the blessing of the Seattle Fire Department! The new Ark Lodge Cinemas celebrates its opening with The Hobbit, which gives you the perfect excuse to revel in another towering triumph of nerd culture while throwing money at a great local business. (Ark Lodge Cinemas, 4816 Rainier Ave S, see arklodgecinemas.com for showtimes, $7-$10) by Cienna Madrid

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On baby Jesus’s birthday, my family enjoys a full reprise of the turkey dinner that most Americans have only once a year on Thanksgiving. You can keep your goose or your standing rib roast or whatever: Thanksgiving AGAIN—on Christmas!—is THE BEST. (Thanks, Mom! And baby Jesus!) If another turkey dinner and its leftovers are terribly distant in your future, I suggest that you head directly to Georgetown’s Square Knot Diner (open 24 hours!) to enjoy their gigantic and entirely tasty open-faced hot turkey sandwich. The waitress might even ask you if you want more gravy (just like Mom). (Square Knot, 6015 Airport Way S, 762-9764, $10.95) by Bethany Jean Clement

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Ignore Christmas with the greatest Jewish-themed musical of all time (screw you, Yentl). Norman Jewison’s Oscar-winning film version of the smash Broadway musical follows a bunch of Russian Jews in the early 20th century as they sing about their lives and loves and TRADITION. Sure, it’s three hours long and relentlessly beige, but there’s a kosher Chinese food buffet at intermission! (And if your Christmas cinema needs demand more blood, go see the new Tarantino.) (SIFF Cinema Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave N, siff.net, 1 pm, $15) by David Schmader

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Serrah Russell and Maggie Carson Romano are two of the more poetic souls in Seattle art, and Pacific Motel is a display of Polaroids and shells and cast sand made when they spent a weekend in a roadside motel. It’s paired with a show with an equally endearing premise: SOIL member Seth Damm and high-school student Kazel Wood collaborating “to capture the uncertain period of time before a show, before an idea coalesces… Think pre-dawn. Think uncomfortable moments of uncertainty.” (SOIL Gallery, 112 Third Ave S, soilart.org, noon–5 pm, free) by Jen Graves

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