Paul Ankahe’s still living?has a new album out. It’s called Rock Swings (Verve), and it’s destined to rank up there with Pat Boone’s heavy-metal album as a timeless artifact of Western Culture.

The concept: Have a washed-up lounge singer emote over a random collection of rock hits, done in schmaltzy big-band style. Who the hell is the target demo for this album?!

So what songs get coated in Vegas-y fecal matter? Oasis's "Wonderwall," Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit," Soundgarden's "Blackhole [sic] Sun," Van Halen's "Jump," the Cure's "Lovecats", and many others, including Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel" (insert topical joke here).

Form an orderly line to burn my copy to your hard drive.