Reeeeeeeal emoSHI'nal trash. Bwaaananananan.

who is David Archuleta?

http://www.davidarchuleta.com/

He was a runner up on American Idol a couple years back.

I can't believe this article doesn't mention the Josh Groban Christmas album.

No Family Christmas is complete without my mother putting on the Kenny G Christmas Album.... at least half a dozen times.

I love the woman to death, but Jesus Tapdancing Christ... And they wonder why I drink so much... LOL

Every time I flip over the Hallmark channel (Golden Girls might be on!), they're showing something called I'll Be Home For Christmas. EVERY TIME. 15 seconds of it was unbearable...is this a show? If so, that just raises more questions. If it's a movie, why are they doing this to people? How much emotional pornography can people consume before they're addicted—or worse—calling me to say "hi"?

@5,

This is why a teetotalling Christmas is the work of Satan.

Which reminds me. I need to stock up on cheap wine to bring to my sister's house.

The emotional porn equivalent of real porn's "Two Girls, One Cup' is the Christmas Shoes song. It is so disgusting, it makes me want to puke.

Not even bourbon can take the sting out of Sarah Brightman, Charlotte Church, or Michael Buble. Or, God save us, that little Austrian boy who used to warble on PBS. There's a reason I'm staying in town for Christmas.

That's why Jesus invented Hot Buttered Rum, Irish Coffee, Tot Todys and Egg Nog.

I totally get it, that's awesome. I remember that McDonald's ad from when I was a kid, it seemed all so innocent, my emotions were aroused and I ate a bunch of food that with the knowledge I have today makes me feel guilty. Almost like the guilt of a prostitute, almost.

Emotionally pornagraphic commercial from my youth: that Folger's commercial where the big brother surprises his family at Christmas, and the little brother helps him make Folger's. Then the mom comes downstairs and says "Billy!" in a super-teary voice. They STILL show it sometimes.

Did that make any sense? I'm at airport and I've been up since 3am. Zzzzzzzzzz.