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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
I remember having harbored anti-gay sentiments at an earlier phase in my life. (In Brazil, where I come from, things are still -- or at least were 20 years ago -- much worse for homosexuals than in the US.)
How ashamed I am of that. Way to go, Dan, FMB, and FMB's cousin!
But, really, it's so fucking obvious. You have to be the one to step up to bat even if you can't afford it financially to support them. You can't NOT support emotionally and if you can help them at all, you life is going to be a whole lot better when you look back and think that you did the right thing for the right reason, even if it bankrupts you.
Bless you, FMB. There is a special grace that comes from turning the evil others do to you into good. From letting it deepen your heart's ability to act compassionate. Your cousin is lucky to have you. I'm so glad you persevered through everything and are on the other side, you deserved better. I'm grateful to know you are in the world. Best wishes.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Dan- Thank you for doing what you do.
...Dan's answer is the right one, but it's only 50% of the answer.
The other 50% is: lawyer the fuck up, pronto. This kid's parents may be idiots, but if he's 16 they are still his legal guardians until a family court judge says otherwise. If they feel like making their son's or FMB's life difficult over this, they have a lot of tools with which to do so, up to and including pressing criminal charges. Kidnapping, Mann Act, probably a ton of other stuff: doesn't matter that none of it will stick, just fighting it off is going to suck. Get a lawyer now and you can head a lot of bullshit off at the pass.
Get him enrolled in a new school ASAP so he can have some normalcy and not mess up his college eligibility and start the proceedings so he can be declared an emancipated minor. Chances are pretty good that the family won't want anything to do with him if he doesn't conform, or if they do, it is simply to send him to talk to his bishop about his "unnatural feelings" and try to brainwash him into being "normal".
but what do i know, 98% of Savage Love letters seem fake to me. especially the ones that provide an opportunity for Dan to show what a saint he is.
But, as other people have also said, buying this kid a ticket which allows the kid to run away may very well be illegal (contributing to the delinquency of a minor, I believe). If the kid crosses state lines, the Feds could be called in. I advice that this man consult with an attorney ASAP.
I hadn't thought of it until I read the comments, but the others are probably right that you should lawyer up. It's possible that the family decides to shun him as they shunned you and hence it won't be a problem, but you should be ready just in case. Besides, it would be good to talk to someone who understands laws pertaining to minors because you may need to be his de-facto guardian for 2 years. If he gets sick or has any other problems, you'll find out fast that legal guardianship is very important.
*hugs all around* Thank you!
I'm sure you can get some free lawyering help from the ACLU or the Trevor Project, but if you can't - write Dan again and see if he'll set up a fund for you. I'd contribute.
It is going to be a trial getting him registered in school and all the good things you take for granted, and the family may (but sounds unlikely to) pursue it in court. But the reality is, even if a court did find in their favor and order the kid home, at 16 if he just doesn't go, the police aren't going to waste resources forcing him. Of course, this is leaving aside the reality that most judges will simply ask the 16 year old what he wants to do.
FMB may have to fight off some legal challenges at worst, but nobody's going to be visited by the police.
"He should lawyer up, but it's not "contributing to the delinquency of a minor". It's not against the law to run away at 16, nor is it against the law for a cousin to purchase him a ticket to do so"'
I'm a lawyer here. Worked with juvenile delinquents, in dependency court, and in family law. You couldn't be more wrong on this. A creative prosecutor can nail an enabling relative to the wall. I've seen it happen far too many times to count. And even if you do prevail because the charges are legally invalid or can't be proven, it's still not worth the hassle of having to defend against such charges
Plus, if he waits to lawyer up and does things covertly for the time being the ultimate result will be either (1) kid gets forced back to Utah or (2) kid gets put in the dependency court system (depending on the state) and enabling relative, who might have been given first dibs to take the kid, will now be deemed unfit. Again, seen it happen in liberal/pro-gay areas of California. What do you think a Utah court would do, then?
To the saintly cousin: Get a lawyer NOW. Run, don't walk to your nearest gay legal rights group and ask them for help in finding one. And do not let the kid into your home before you do so. You want to help him in the long run, not hurt both of you by doing this wrong.
"It's not against the law to run away at 16"
Yes, it is.
"nor is it against the law for a cousin to purchase him a ticket to do so"
Yes, it is.
"The kid's 16, the police will not force him home"
Yes, they will.
"at 16 if he just doesn't go, the police aren't going to waste resources forcing him"
Yes, they will expend resources in this manner.
"this is leaving aside... that most judges will simply ask the 16 year old what he wants to do"
No, they won't. Not when it involves leaving the parents' home against the parents' wishes. How many 16 year olds have you known who want to run away from home?? Nearly all of them at one point or another. There are plenty of kids who would like to live with their grandma or best friend, but they're not allowed to without their parents' consent. End of story.
"but nobody's going to be visited by the police"
Wrong!
The ONLY thing you got right in this drunken. rambling diatribe is that the family probably won't pursue the case, given that they didn't pursue the letter-writer when he left home. That doesn't mean LW shouldn't get a lawyer, yesterday.
In any event, it's better for a young person to be away from such ignorant, religious fanatics - it's the only chance to have a normal, balanced life.
If you run away and the state decides you're an "incorrigible youth" then you could be placed into juvenile hall or foster care. You are not allowed to run away from home before the age of 18 ANYWHERE.
Real America rids itself of a disgusting infestation.
The homo meatmarket gets a much needed infusion of fresh booty.
And the average IQ of both communities is raised in the process.....
Could very well be Provo, where 98% of religious adherents and 88% overall pop. is LDS, or it could be one of the other small towns throughout Utah. SLC is to Utah like what Austin is to Texas, mixed in an otherwise homogeneous state.
That aside, good for you FMB, good luck to you and your cousin, and Dan, your project is incredible.
I suppose the family could try if they are determined enough but it will be a hug messy affair with lots of bad publicity and the courts really don't want to get in the middle of it.
Good for FMB and look forward to updates. :)
Sincerely,
A C of I Religion Major
Get out.
Not a single gay person anywhere is being done any favors by being told to remain celibate instead of leading a happy, sexually-fulfilled life.
I dunno, seems worth a try.
A gay Mormon has a dilemma. He can lead a sexually-fulfilled life, but the cost may be to lose his family and community. He can keep his family and community, but the choice may be to lose his sex life. If you have a relatively low sex drive, the latter may be a good choice. @64 isn't trying to convince anyone to do anything. He simply offered an option.
yeah.
if that catches on where will homosexuals catch their AIDS?
At 16, yes, his hateful, shunning, Mormon parents could involve the 'law', but that's way against church ways of doing things. If it can't be resolved in the church (which it can't, because the church advocates shunning in these situations), it won't be pursued through the legal system. FMB knows this, since he used to be one of them.
If a secular set of parents wanted to get him back, maybe the police could bring him home, but he could just run away again, especially now that he knows he has a place to go.
When I was 16, I left a hostile parental situation and never looked back. This young man and his cousin will make things work, and it's infinitely better than waiting for the lethal noose to take effect.
Get over yourself and quit being such a perveyor of doom.
individual child wants. If the school system notices he's missing, they will report it. He gets on a plane and something seems off, *might* get reported there. He's running around on the Left Coast on a school day, good chance it will get reported.
Plus, a lot of people here don't understand how to do risk calculus in this situation. Even if you think the possibility of legal action is minimal, you can't dismiss this entirely because it's not just the chance of legal action, but the consequences if it comes. Risk analysis: probability of X event and harm that occurs if X happens v. upsides.
Not trying to be bitchy but I used to work in the exact legal system that would handle this. I know from personal experience, many of you do not. You are basing it on what you *think* will happen based on either 0 empirical evidence or evidence from when you were a kid. The world has changed. It is not what you think it would be.
I repeat what others have said: GET A FUCKING LAWYER NOW!
Learn to fucking read, jack in the box.
FMB: Save the kid and lawyer up! And NEVER EVER hedge your bets on the odds that the parents might not press it. Plenty of innocent people are in prison because they had "faith in the system" and thought the truth was enough of a defense.
They can refer him to add'l legal resources.
Best, N*
If you can give the kid a great vacation--even a "semester in sanity"--that could make all the difference, though.