Except, in real life, Canadian conservatives are working hard to catch up with all our uglinesses in a hurry.

Can we put out a referendum to have Western Washington leave the union and be annexed into British Columbia? Kidding..... sort of.

"Hello America. It's us, Canada. You know, the country you pretend to be when you're traveling.

Now I know you think of us as just a fancy hat you wear when you're trying to hide from a war you probably shouldn't have started, but we're more than that. We're your friends. We've noticed you're hurting and we're here to help.

That's why we're officially declaring our candidacy for President of the United States of America.

We've seen your candidates, and frankly, they scare the shit out of us, so we're volunteering our country to lead your country.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Fuck you, you hockey worshipping vowel slurring [??? I can't make this one other insult here out - something to do with beavers] bunch of syrup guzzlers and you have a point. But ask yourself, who better to lead America than a country already leading America in so many ways.

[List of issues / stats on which Canada leads America scrolls up the screen]

And that's just what our hippies have accomplished. Wait til you see our redneck cred.

Our Prime Minister is a muppet version of George Bush, our oil sands are so dirty they make Texas look like a Greenpeace retreat and we have the same problem you do with illiterate foreigners invading our Southern borders to steal our jobs.

Sure, we have the occasional riot. But at our riots, people get laid.

We have been known to club a baby seal now and then - but we could just as easily waterboard them.

So instead of slitting your wrists this fall, why not vote for Canada.

The Canada Party. America, but better".

[ends]

@4 - It's either "beaver-spawnin'" or "Bieber-spawnin'", both of which are plausible, legitimate insults for Canada.

Hm, I didn't know they had the internet in up there.

Not nearly enough tuques in that promo, but otherwise, they had me at "hello".

@5 Perfect! - thanks MacCrocodile :-)

@6 lol.

Got my vote.

I posted this on my Facebook wall and a Canadian friend of mine, living in the states for 10 years (because our city is the international center for her profession), thought it was funny and re-posted. She immediately had one of her closest friends (!) respond with "Really? Then why do you live here?"

Some people simply can not take a damn joke.

@11--that drives me nuts. I've lived in the US for 12 years, had my citizenship for 6, and every time I open my mouth to either say "yeah, this thing about Canada is cool," or "yeah, I don't like this about the US," I get "WELL WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE." It's as if being an immigrant--who pays taxes and has a passport--suddenly means you have to love it 100% or leave it. Drives me nuts.

This is meant as a goofy joke, but a lot of Canadians do have a very smug sense of superiority when it comes to the US. In truth, Canadians have their own problems they should be focusing on. Most of them know more about US politics than they know about their own system. I say that as a Canuck who's been living in Seattle for the past 3 years.

@12 This is AMURKKKAAA! If you don't like it then you can GGEEEETTTT OOOUUUUTTTTTT!!!! /Sacrcasm.

:P

BLEEDIN' BRILLIANT

@12 I think those people would say that even if you were born American. Some folks are just insecure.

Well, you know... The Republicans are always talking about privatizing shit. Here's a great idea. Let's subcontract out the whole government! I could think of worse outfits than Canada to run it.

We get rid of the whole Congress and the lobbying industry (it's illegal up there in the form we have it here), and if Canadian bureaucrats are corrupt, they actually go to jail, instead of just getting kicked out onto K Street.

Whatever we would pay Canada to run our shit would probably save us several times more in direct and indirect costs.

It's brilliant.

@3 FTW.

@11/12, I've had a couple of similar experiences, and I wasn't even an immigrant, just a grad student. (True, it was in Texas.)

I think there's an impression among some Americans that the rest of the world -- personified as the foreigners and/or immigrants they happen to meet -- is hellbent on changing America into something else. So every criticism of anything in America is to be answered with 'if you think so what are you doing here?'

I guess these are the people who simply don't like to think about issues.

Honestly, I'm Canadian, and we really need your help! Harper is worse than people generally think, and... it's getting ugly up here. HELP.

America, but better. My family in Canada would agree with that. LOL