Bethany,
I just read that story this morning. Glad it was explained. Poor guy didn't know his alarm clock was on.

Gawd, we need to get you some cultcha, BJ. I sure can.

Instead of linking to an article from two days ago, why not link to the updated story in which Patron X gives his side of things?

I went the Pacific Northwest Ballet recently, and couldn't believe that some rude girl in front of me was using her Facebook application while the performance was going on. I wanted to smack her upside the head so badly in that moment, and I'm the furthest thing from a physically violent person.

Darkened room + bright phone screens = you being a total douche canoe.

"At something called the balet. David thought it wuld broadn my horizons or sumthing. Dudes wear tights n shit! Asshole behind me keeps kicking the chair! What a douchecanoe!"

Why would you want to hear Mahler's 9th in your head when you can hear Dvorak's?

BUM BUM BUM BUH BUH BUM BUH DUH DUH DUH DUUUUHM

@4 darkened room + bright phone screens + fuming/writing about it but NOT actually saying anything to the person = typical NW passive aggressiveness.

I'm teasing here, not trying to be jerk. But just politely ask them to turn off their phone. No one will die, I promise.

Cell phone bandwidths also play havoc with wireless sound systems. I assisted on sound for a musical production last year and almost every night we had to compensate for stray frequencies. Even in silent mode your phone can be a pain in the ass!

@5 - I love you.

TAKE THEIR PHONES.

No one should be allowed to have a phone on their person during a performance. You should check them at coat check. I read that at the Masters golf tournament, if you are caught with a phone on your person, even if it is off, you are kicked out and barred from ever entering the grounds again, even if you are a member. If you are there on a ticket belonging to someone else, that someone else is ALSO barred for life.

If you're important -- and trust me, you are not important -- like a surgeon or the Secretary of State or something -- you can leave your phone with an usher and they will come down the aisle and discreetly get you if you're called.

NO MERCY. NO PHONES.

The West Side Story tour that's there right now was in Pittsburgh last summer. At the performance I saw, we got marimba-ed right at the show's emotional climax in the moment of (intended) silence after Chino shoots Tony, as he's dying in Maria's arms.

That guy was also in the first few rows of the orchestra. Maybe Fnarf's solution only needs to be applied to those in certain sections.

Old dude tech fail in old, moneyed social circle leads to delightful contretemps and apologies by all. It's fortunate the Hell's Angels had not been hired as security.
Did the person who gave him the phone know he'd be going to that performance and set the alarm as a prank? There's a deeper story here...

D'aaaww. I wanna give that old rich probably-British CEO guy a huggie wuggie.

All ushers should be required to keep a hammer on them at all times. Any phone that goes off or that's being used for texting/Internet during a performance should be seized and pounded into dust in front of the offending party.

@10 - Yes. This. As a performer in live theatre, I have had to learn to keep going with a cell phone ringing, the irritating rustling of those around the offender, and even, in one case, a person who fucking ANSWERED the goddamned thing and HAD A CONVERSATION while the show was still going on. I can deal with it, but it sure as hell ruins the show for the audience members.

Dear S-Log, the name of the A-Pple I-Phone is actually "iPhone". I know that's probably hard to remember (or look up using G-Oogle) given how few people have purchased an A-Pple I-Pod, I-Phone, or I-Pad over the past ten years.

@16: I have My First Phone by Fisher-Price™, so maybe that (partially) explains things. I imagine Paul Constant gets it right.

@17 Bethany - You mean one of these? http://www.addoway.com/viewad/FISHER-PRI… Now that's vintage! I can't believe the battery still works on that thing. Then again, they were made of actual wood (and probably in the US rather than China) so no wonder it's still it working order. Bravo!