Blogs Feb 15, 2012 at 9:28 am

Valentine's Day Bondage Date All Kinds of Wrong

Dan Savage
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Comments

1
The anonymous public adulterous bondage and running from the cops is one forgivable, but a Subaru? That crosses a line.
DJSauvage on February 15, 2012 at 9:33 AM Report this
2
Ah, Oregon.
gloomy gus on February 15, 2012 at 9:35 AM Report this
3
"Nine squad cars were tied up for twenty minutes" made me laugh pretty hard for some reason.
GlamB0t on February 15, 2012 at 9:36 AM Report this
4
Yikes! Some of us keep our Valentine's Day bondage consensual and honest. And we make our own flirty chocolate desserts too. "Keep Portland Weird" the bumper stickers say. This couple do not seem to be thinking things through and keeping to the motto very well.
kim in portland on February 15, 2012 at 9:39 AM Report this
5
Live by the duct tape, die by the duct tape.
Lance Thrustwell on February 15, 2012 at 9:40 AM Report this
6
Well, gold star for being sex-positive enough to pursue their kinks, I suppose. But failing grade for poor planning and execution. Gah!
Reverse Polarity on February 15, 2012 at 9:43 AM Report this
7
When they're bad they're very, very good.
Vince on February 15, 2012 at 9:43 AM Report this
8
Ethically wrong (adultery), doing it wrong (involving the public), but I fail to see how it is legally wrong. Unintentionally sending the cops on a snark hunt isn't a crime.
SchmuckyTheCat on February 15, 2012 at 9:49 AM Report this
9
@8 they're being charged with public indecency, disorderly conduct and criminal trespass.
EricaP on February 15, 2012 at 9:54 AM Report this
10

Tie your mother down
Tie your mother down

Lock your daddy out of doors
I don't need him nosin' around
Tie your mother down
Tie your mother down
Give me all your love tonight


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0uiY-jDk…

Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on February 15, 2012 at 9:59 AM Report this
11
"Pelzner was spotted in the back of a Subaru Legacy, LIKE this one."

Really, Daily Mail? Is there some corner of this planet that doesn't know what a Subaru Legacy looks like?

Good thing they caught these evildoers, or the cops might have gone off and arrested a University of Nevada-Reno coach or alum.
rob! on February 15, 2012 at 9:59 AM Report this
12
The second article is from over three years ago and completely unrelated. Nothing in the articles from yesterday (like this one: http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index…) says anything about adultery.
pbelamy on February 15, 2012 at 10:08 AM Report this
13
I dunno sure they caused disorderly conduct but fine them don't arrest them.
Democrat1234 on February 15, 2012 at 10:10 AM Report this
14
Ugh. New commenter here. Here's the Oregonian article.
pbelamy on February 15, 2012 at 10:11 AM Report this
15
@8: Snipe hunt.
Max Solomon on February 15, 2012 at 10:21 AM Report this
16
Sounds like the Portlandia PD needs a Safeword.
The Max on February 15, 2012 at 10:37 AM Report this
17
@15, go ask Alice. Though yes, it's a more common expression.
@9, according to the Oregonian, only disorderly conduct. Maybe Oregon lawmakers have thicker sticks up their ass, but that charge wouldn't fly in Washington.
SchmuckyTheCat on February 15, 2012 at 10:47 AM Report this
18
Wrong, yes. But fun, too.
Chris in Vancouver WA on February 15, 2012 at 10:53 AM Report this
19
@15: I found some snark here! Call off the snark hunt!
venomlash on February 15, 2012 at 10:56 AM Report this
20
I'm sure there's a lesson in this for them, but it's not entirely clear which lesson. I wonder how the happy couple is feeling now. (Hmmm.... couldn't this be part of the plot for a sex-/kink-positive romantic comedy, starring Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock?)
ankylosaur on February 15, 2012 at 11:01 AM Report this
21
You're doing it wrong.
Squirly on February 15, 2012 at 11:01 AM Report this
22
@2: "Ah, Oregon."

I'd blame Craigslist, more.

@20: Probably pretty unhappy since his wife's about to find out.
undead ayn rand on February 15, 2012 at 11:07 AM Report this
23
Hilarious...until they get stuck with the sex offender label. Here's hoping this gets plead down/away and expunged once they get in front of a judge.
AFinch on February 15, 2012 at 11:20 AM Report this
24
@11 Also, the license plate sayd CRUISEWOLF.

What a cruisewolf might look like.
TheMisanthrope on February 15, 2012 at 11:25 AM Report this
25
@19: Careful there...that Snark might be a Boojum, you see...
avast2006 on February 15, 2012 at 12:25 PM Report this
26
As #12 pointed out, the second story is unrelated to the first story and happened back in '08.
virgy on February 15, 2012 at 12:26 PM Report this
27
PLUS, she didn't use a seatbelt.

But hey, at least they listened to one part of your advice, Dan: they fucked first.
fubarista on February 15, 2012 at 12:28 PM Report this
28
Involving the public is nonconsensual. Keep your play to those who choose to see it. People are morons.
Geni on February 15, 2012 at 1:19 PM Report this
29
@28
I agree.

And I'd also like to thank the Portland police for NOT shooting the guy role-playing as a rapist in public. Thank you!

For everyone else, please remember to construct your scenes in such a way that the words "ended in a hail of gunfire" would NOT be included should you make the evening news.
fairly.unbalanced on February 15, 2012 at 1:32 PM Report this
30
They're not charged with a sex crime; they're charged with disorderly conduct. Although Criminally Negligent Idiocy might be a more fitting charged.
clashfan on February 15, 2012 at 1:37 PM Report this
31
@26: Whoops.
undead ayn rand on February 15, 2012 at 1:50 PM Report this
32
I just need a big rubber stamp to mark STUPID across their foreheads and be done with it.

*facepalm*
BEG on February 15, 2012 at 1:59 PM Report this
33
@30 - oops!
AFinch on February 15, 2012 at 2:04 PM Report this
34
@25: GOD DAMMIT, I just spent 100 minutes in a fossil lab and the whole time, those few lines from "The Hunting of the Snark" kept running back and forth through my head.
venomlash on February 15, 2012 at 2:04 PM Report this
35
Twenty years ago I knew someone who'd been kicked out of most of the best hotels in Orange County, Calif., for doing kidnap scenes in them. I've always expected to hear about him being shot while trying it outside someplace.
Nyckname on February 15, 2012 at 2:05 PM Report this
36
"veiwed by a homeless man who called the police."

How? (but good for him BTW)

do the homeless now have cellphones...cuz I'm sure theres no more payphones
on February 15, 2012 at 5:40 PM Report this
37
Apparently these folks are known around town. Comics Alliance linked to the following webcomic which is supposedly about the same couple:

http://www.meencomics.com/comic/trixie-c…

The comments there also indicate they had an I, Anonymous written about them...
ducki3x on February 19, 2012 at 4:39 PM Report this

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