Slog Mormon Study: Abraham 3:9

Comments

Joseph Smith needed to work more on his King James era grammer. I can't even figure out what he is trying to say.

tedb310 on September 9, 2012 at 7:20 AM

Romney cannot become President, because he is so bad at shopping. Why would you buy that Pearl at Great Price, when you can get discounted pearls on the Home Shopping Network?

Tacoma Traveler on September 9, 2012 at 7:28 AM

Looks to me like the Latter-Day Saints are perfectly positioned to make an appeal to fans of "Battlestar Galactica." I'm picturing a billboard with a soft-lit photo of Gaius Baltar, bearing the caption, "Faith: pass it on."

Yoder on September 9, 2012 at 7:44 AM

"upon which thou standest" LOL!

How can people read this crap and take it seriously? It sounds like its witten for a Saturday Night Live skit or something.

The weird thing is a lot of the people who DO take this crap seriously, appear to be capable and successful in real life......

Ernie1 on September 9, 2012 at 8:09 AM

I had no idea until recently that Harry Reid was a Mormon. I liked it better when I thought all the the real crazies were on the other side.

originalcinner on September 9, 2012 at 8:20 AM

@3 - lol zing!! :D

subwlf on September 9, 2012 at 8:33 AM

Ditto on a big Huh? These Mormon texts are incomprehensible.

Now I'm curious -- Evangelical Protestants make a big deal about reading the Bible, do Mormons do the same thing with their books? And if so, what percentage read, say, "this makes no sense at all!" and leave the religion?

McJulie on September 9, 2012 at 8:35 AM

It's true: good Mormons don't die, they become a god and get their own planet. Cf. the Osmonds album 'The Plan' released on Kolob Records.

Ziggity on September 9, 2012 at 8:35 AM

@1 It's what makes selecting scripture for these posts so difficult. As with all religions, there are plenty of Mormon beliefs to make fun of, but their scripture is so awfully written it is hard to find a verse that clearly describes any particular belief.

Goldy on September 9, 2012 at 8:50 AM

@10: or you could just show the South Park Mormon episode...

Merchant Seaman on September 9, 2012 at 8:55 AM

Wasn't it Mark Twain who called the Book of Mormon 'chlorophorm in print?'

MyDogBen on September 9, 2012 at 9:00 AM

At least they admit there are planets. Unlike the flat earth Christians.

Pope Peabrain on September 9, 2012 at 9:01 AM

@3 Glen A. Larsen used many aspects of his Mormon religion in Battlestar Galactica. Not all the Mos in the quorum were exactly thrilled with that.

Goldy - try finding something about the Lamanites. Although depending on how new the version is, you may not find anything, since the newer versions were edited so the could say they were not racist.
And if it is still in print - No Man Knows My History by Fawn Brodie.

StuckInUtah on September 9, 2012 at 9:15 AM

Kolob? Isn't that close to Romulac?

Frank Blethen's vodka distiller on September 9, 2012 at 9:17 AM

Kobol sound so much better.

Simone on September 9, 2012 at 9:20 AM

Lamanite=imitation Formica?

Fred Casely on September 9, 2012 at 9:49 AM

Kolob?

Bollocks!

Urgutha Forka on September 9, 2012 at 9:52 AM

I remember being forced to read this stuff as a kid growing up and thinking it was boring and mostly incomprehensible. But I sort of figured it was just over my head.

Now, as an adult, I realize that it really is boring and incomprehensible.

Zeusifer on September 9, 2012 at 9:53 AM

@14 —Ah, well, that makes sense. I still wanna see Baltar on a billboard, though.

Yoder on September 9, 2012 at 10:20 AM

@15: Whoa, hey, let's not taint something as well-loved as Star Trek with this garbage, even if it's by favorable comparison.

Knat on September 9, 2012 at 10:29 AM

@21: I thought Romulac was the planet the Coneheads came from

Merchant Seaman on September 9, 2012 at 10:34 AM

funny sounding words!

heh heh heh......

on September 9, 2012 at 10:51 AM

What a horrid rendering using the language that Shakespeare used to write the greatest works in English literature.

Cato the Younger Younger on September 9, 2012 at 11:02 AM

And doesn't Kolob sound like a name for one of the planets in the Klingon Empire?

Cato the Younger Younger on September 9, 2012 at 11:03 AM

I don't think Reid is an active church-going Mormon, is he?

SecretBYUBottomBoy on September 9, 2012 at 11:08 AM

Or Dr. Remulak?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNJ3AlJrg…

wisepunk on September 9, 2012 at 11:22 AM

Unlike some, Reid wasn't born a Mormon. He was raised an agnostic and converted to Mormonism while a student.

However, also unlike some, he said, "I think it is much easier to be a good member of the Church and a Democrat than a good member of the Church and a Republican."

I'm only half-appalled now.

originalcinner on September 9, 2012 at 11:54 AM

Suddenly, I understand the medieval impulse to burn people at the stake.

Pol Pot on September 9, 2012 at 12:20 PM

Another belief seems to be that a bunch of Mormons traveled to America at the time of the prophet Jeremiah, about 600 BCE (even though the religion wasn't founded until the 1800s CE). No explanation of how they got there. Perhaps they grew wings and flew across the ocean.

Comparing this craziness to the much-lower-grade "god died for our sins" craziness of the standard Christian, I'd take the latter believer as President.

sarah70 on September 9, 2012 at 1:09 PM

@30 are you kidding me? How is this less cray cray then; dude turning water into wine, feeding lots of people with a small amount of bread and fish, crackers & wine turn into flesh and blood while you eat, God kills the first born of the people who are enslaving you.

The thing I like about this series is how it shines a light on just how nuts all religions are. Again I really wouldn’t care except for the fact that these people try and impose their religious beliefs on the rest of us.

Chef Thunder on September 9, 2012 at 3:01 PM

Did they know Pope Callixtus III excommunicated Haley's comet?

Pope Peabrain on September 9, 2012 at 3:21 PM

Allegedly excommunicated. But he was still kind of a jerk anyway.

originalcinner on September 9, 2012 at 4:53 PM

Omicron Persei 8 is where I want to go.

Rob in Baltimore on September 9, 2012 at 5:18 PM

This Kolob is apparently the part of a person most resistant to change, their animal nature, probably the cerebellum. One planet on another is using lower and higher thoughts together, what Judaism and Christianity called the "spirit" that LDS calls "intelligences."

What's really puzzling is how the hell this relates to private property and good rulers being divine mandates.

LewisT on September 9, 2012 at 7:32 PM

@22: So it is. I didn't recognize it. Carry on, then!

Knat on September 9, 2012 at 9:06 PM

For your viewing pleasure,

"The Mormons" (240 minutes)
http://www.pbs.org/mormons/view/

ac6752 on September 10, 2012 at 2:37 AM

My prayers have been answered! Thanks, Goldy!

Baby Blue on September 10, 2012 at 9:25 AM

Slog Mormon Study: Abraham 3:9

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

Editors' Picks

The Stranger’s 2023 Sex Survey Results

Why Are We So Scared of Scooters?

I Think We're Having Fun

What Happened After My Boyfriend Got Sexually Assaulted in the Military

Democrats Kill Bill to Legalize Alcohol in Strip Clubs

Live Review: Mitski at The Moore

Support The Stranger

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

Editors' Picks

Just Can't Get Enough?

Sign up for our newsletter for news recaps, updates, and more!