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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
My experience is largely confined to women, so I have to ask the question this letter brought to mind the first time it was printed: Is there something about men's asses that I don't know?
Never known a woman to have skidmarks. Never had skidmarks myself. I have never in my life thought that plunking my or my partner's naked ass on furniture carried the risk of getting shit all over the upholstery. Unless we're doing some sort of anal play where things are going in and out of buttholes, the potential for shit doesn't factor into naked time unless somebody's on the toilet.
Do I live in some magical land of air-tight anuses and obsessive wipers?
That being said I have certainly seen shit stains on many lady undergarments, especially those that wind up in the crack. And its not like lady bits don't occasionally produce things that stain.
This poor guy probably has it worse than most, but so long as he's willing to put down a towel or give himself a pre-sex ass washing it shouldn't be a deal breaker. It's not like there are going to be less of these kinds of things as they get older. Part of sex is dealing with the fact that human bodies are pretty damn gross at times.
A chat with the doctor couldn't hurt as he may have something going wrong down there.
Especially on the fucking couch.
Now let us never speak of this again.
Oh, let's start another long chain of motel/hotel horror stories, about how the chairs/sofas all-too-often have stains in the middle of the cushions that are far longer than they are wide, and have a weird left/right symmetry! And how the comforters always seem to have such migraine-inducing colors and designs that you couldn't possibly notice a stain *if* one was present! (Spoiler alert: I always use lots more towels than I actually need for drying off or lounging by the pool.)
Best non-motel story: a fit young lady in fluorescent green shorts and iPod running down the busiest street in the toniest neighborhood of San Diego. With a spreading vertical brown stain on her backside.
....so be polite and discreet and somewhat lighthearted in addressing this issue.
or better yet, freak the fuck out and berate him for this occurence. rub his nose in it and say 'bad puppy'.
And that is why you should never rely on wiping alone, but always use water to clean your ass.
I agree with @7 above- women don't seem to have nearly the trouble with this that guys do, but there is more sociatal pressure on young women to keep those parts clean. Plus- no one thinks that running a wash cloth over those parts is going to turn a young girl lesbian.
Can't they just be lazy?
A conscientious person with IBS either wouldn't receive a blowjob naked on upholstered furniture or would, at minimum, double-check to make sure there were no accidents after the fact. The dude is gross, regardless of any diseases he may be suffering from.
Wet cleanup does a way better job than dry paper. Use baby wipes. If they dry out because someone left the package open, wet one in the sink before use. (Or use a washcloth, if you are feeling ecological.)
Oh, and what Dan said. Fucking relax already, and put down a damn towel next time. In case you hadn't noticed, sex is messy. If it hadn't been shit, it might just as easily have been come that dripped or got smeared somewhere it shouldn't. Next time it might be you with your ass on the couch, smearing vaginal juice, or lube, or blood, or yes, sweat mixed with a slight residue of shit.
Cheap, washable, folds flat. Take them on vacation, use them during messy sex, or when you're on hard to clean furniture. Great for period sex. We own three of them :-)
Cottonelle Flushable Moist Wipes, 20 each http://amzn.com/B002CNPPXK
These are the individual ones to take with you ( they'll fit in most wallets).
My routine:
1. wipe with toilet paper until clean according to "Western standards".
2. sit on toilet, ass pointing backwards (think weightlifter stance), pour water in asscrack, while rubbing ass with other hand.
3. Pat ass dry with toilet paper.
4. Wash hands.
Perhaps this gives you the impression that I would get shit all over my hands -- I don't. Remember, my ass is already "officially clean" before I start the water treatment at the point where other people pull up their pants.
Yes, I've had to deal with that scenario before. If y'all have never, ever dealt with shit stains, just count yourselves lucky and be prepared for some time in the future. For yourself, a partner, or other loved one.
And ease up on the righteousness, yo.
In any case, the man with the problem was an ASS as he wasn't willing to take any proactive measures to deal with it. Hiding underwear and pretending everything's okay is an immature response.
The point wasn't which ones are gross and which ones are delicious, the point was that sex, when used as directed, smears things all over the place. If she/they had had the sense to put down a towel in the first place, she probably wouldn't be nearly as bent out of shape about the whole thing. Cleaning it up off the upholstery has got to have a much higher "Oh, god damn it, gross!" factor than just tossing a dirty towel -- one that you fully expected to get soiled -- in the laundry.