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Jan 22, 2013 at 3:51 pm
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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
Made my day. ROFL
Sounds like some anti-gay, reparative therapy assholes got their hands on you. I, unlike them, am not going to try to convince you that you are anything but what you say you are. I'm fine with however you choose to identify or how you live your life. I, unlike them, do not believe that either choice is fundamentally wrong, so there is no reason for me to try to talk you out of either.
My only advice is: a) do be true to yourself, don't let other people convince you that you are other than what you are, and b) try not to hurt the people you get in relationships with, while you figure this out for yourself.
Sincerely,
-- Sibling who is fine with who you are, but tired of the relentless drama.
This is absolutely perfect advice for an absolutely shitty situation.
Similar to my own discovery that you can derail a pointless argument with someone overly-opinionated by calmly saying "you're right". Best part is that they probably know you're insincere but there's nothing the blowhard can do about it.
They won, so what? You get to move on with your life.
Disclaimer, this only works so much with significant others before they catch on and start using it against you.
You can check out any time that you like.
But you can never leave.
Right Danny?
The Incurable Disease?
Is that It?
Eventually he'll be exposed.
Just not by his brother. Because that's never fun for anyone.
But in this case, the guy is dating a beautiful and extraordinarily talented woman. As if that isn't enough, she was the valedictorian at her university.
Let's face the facts, people - as powerful as sexual orientation may be, it's simply no match for a woman with those kind of credentials.
Lots of other women know to stay the hell away from men like that. We don't know which kind of woman this new girlfriend is.
Great advice, Dan. Don't feed the drama queen.
If that's not the sound of true love, I don't know what is.
I just did a massive eyeroll Mrs. Obama would be proud of.
But as Dan already pointed out, this guy is a mess. Is he a drama queen too? Maybe, but his advice to just say "Okay, sure, whatever" might be the only thing he can do anyway.
@9, 22, 23: The GF might be fake, might be an fundie idiot, or might be looking for a project. If so, fine, let the chips fall where they may regarding marriage.
But what if she's real, hoodwinked, and buying his current story line? Closet cases, while in closet mode, can go fast and furious for the altar and procreation. Then everyone is trapped in a asymmetric marriage that isn't good for her or for their kids.
So, LW: say (two months from now), "Bro, that's great. When do you see the GF next? Thursday? Where are you going? Cool. I'll stop by and say Hi! and then leave your guys for the rest of your date." Then if there really is a girl, a potential innocent victim of his charade, the LW can choose when/if to inform her of the huge dice she is rolling.
If someone is about to get run over by a truck and you can, at no risk to yourself, pull them aside, (or at least tell them that the truck is barreling towards them) - then that is the least you should do another person being set up for a really big fall.
And @22 (sirkowski): why make assumptions about her physical appearance. Unless you're trying to show her to be an inferior person by calling her "morbidly obese." In which case you're a jerk.
Gay or not, BROS is a big fat drama queen. Only way to deal with it is to say, "I love you, bro. I don't want to hear about you struggling with your sexuality. How 'bout those Marlins?"
BROS can live in hope that his brother will get to a better place in life, but you can't really support or convince someone who goes to such extremes with such frequency. So, just be blandly positive, and find other common ground to talk about if possible.
If the brother is not faking mental illness, in addition to Dan's excellent "Sound's good, bro" advice, I'd add:
"And since you've had such a difficult time in the past before you got your shit together, how's that counseling going? Probably good idea to keep up with it."
That way if he kills himself BROS won't feel guilty about ignoring brother's obvious ongoing pain.
Oh, and sirkowski@ 22? As a morbidly obese male who expects no brownie points from the Lord or anyone else: Fuck You.
@45, Clinically speaking, the terms "depression" and "major depressive disorder" are used interchangeably. They should mean the same thing to a doctor or psych professional.
So this is really a spiritual struggle- when he's gay, he feels evil and far from god. When he's walking with god, he couldn't possibly be gay, because nobody is truly gay- just deceived. My step-sister has been back and forth across this fence too many times to count- evil lesbian, or pious nothing, or worse yet- piously straight married. The latter hasn't worked either time she's tried it, so now she's just something, no one knows what. Sigh.
This GF of his is probably in the same xtian cult and believes he was just deceived when he was liking the boy-butt. She'll get burned the same way my wife did, and, as stated above- this should not be happening in this century.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRT3zs23s…
i love that play.
People LOVE going born-again for the lovebombing and perceived "hate" from former friends that they can then feed back into their charismatic "new friends" as a bonding moment.
They already said that these women were broken. Of course they exist! Broken people keeping other fucked-up people off the market since eternity.
Or maybe not, maybe he's just a drama queen with mental health issues, but folks, bi-sexuality is real. We need to acknowledge it as a possibility in these cases.
LW, I am sorry this guy is your brother. If you have any other young and impressionable gay relatives, please keep them away from this train wreck of a life. Maybe someday, with extensive therapy, he will find a place of equilibrium and realize his problems have nothiing to do with his sexuality. Until then, love him on the inside and be indifferent on the outside.
To me, a few dates does not a relationship make.
One thing that might make you feel better: get involved in the fight for same-sex rights. Your brother's story is an example of how evangelical delusions cause harm--to you, to your brother, to that poor fuck-up woman he's dating. You can't save your brother but you CAN work to change the world that enables his sickness. Good luck.
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