"Pushing the antelope" is my new favorite typo.

And you definitely know you're doing it rong when you spend more time figuring out what relationship graphing software would be most optimal to chart out all the various connections in your extended polycule(s).

@1: It's not a typo, it's the newest kinky sexual trend. I guess you haven't heard of it. [adjusts horn rim glasses]

@1 - Pushing the antelope is illegal in most states. Not Utah, though.

This isn't only cowardice, it's also "poly" as cover for being an asshole. "Gee, should I fuck the unattractive 1/2 of this lesbian couple in the hopes that it might land me in bed with the other 1/2?"

Opportunist douchebag = opportunistic douchebag. Nothing poly about it.

OMG, funniest response in weeks! Thanks for the morning chuckle Dan!

@1

The print edition of the Stranger used to instruct readers who wanted back issues to send a self-abused stomped antelope along.

Now, be a deer and run along. . .

I'd be grateful if any poly expert could explain the point of (even considering) having sex with someone to whom you are not attracted - is that supposed to flatter said someone?

Self-abused antelope stomping! How 2007...

Part of being successfully poly is being able to process your feelings about multiple people quickly and effectively, and communication is key in all of that. Even I know that, and I am one of those monogamous outliers that Dan likes to pretend is unnatural.

Overthinking it may not be "doing poly right", but it sure is "doing poly typical".

Doing poly rong should also include not fucking up existing coupled relationships just because you don't like who's available but prefer the one who's out of bounds. Oh ... no pouting or sulking either.

6, she did specify 'I'm attracted to', not 'the more attractive.' Nothing in her letter does she imply that one woman is more objectively attractive than the other. Who knows what makes this woman more desirable, maybe she's a welder, has a dry sense of humor, or has read every single 19th C. Russian novel.

Or maybe the younger woman just likes the push antelopes around. Being the big bully that she is.

Poly or not, if you find yourself trying to justify breaching the well stated boundaries of another person/couple is doing ethics wrong.

@15 raises a good point. I would think one of the keys to making poly a more socially accepted arrangement is to scrupulously observe all apparent boundaries. It's the difference between "Chris and I are poly, which works for us" and "Chris and I are poly, and we want to have sex with you! You thought we knew you weren't into that? It's because you're OPPRESSED by societal norms and, anyhow, I just wanted you to know that I fantasize about you. Expecially in a velociraptor costume. Because I am open about my sexuality, and don't hide it." It's an excellent way to become the poly person who causes people to flee both you and any other polys.

This is actually tying in a little to the previous swim cap thread: the difference between noticing and appreciating and fantasizing about someone, and feeling that you have to make them aware of what you're doing.

(Sighs)
1. Don't fuck the one you aren't attracted to.
2. Don't fuck the one who isn't attracted to you.
How hard is that?

Seriously, you have said, bluntly, that the older one isn't into outside contacts. Judging by the tone of your letter I'd bet good money that she isn't into you ... you just think she is, because, hey, you're so cool so she must be hot for you because in your mind, who isn't?

Everything in your letter, including wording and cadence, reminds of a girl I knew in undergrad who was certain I was gay. I wasn't the slightest bit interested in banging her and only gay guys didn't wanna bang her, ergo ....

You'll notice as you grow into adulthood that sometimes you'll be attracted to people you can't have, for whatever reason. Maybe almost all the time. That's just how it is. I think the rest of us just smile and go on with our day.

This girl's giving me flashbacks of when I read manga.

"Oh, all these girls like me, but the one I'm really attracted to seems to hate me! What do I dooooooo?"

As the Rolling Stones said, you can't always get what you want. Even when you're a bi woman in a poly relationship with a bi man, wanting to be with a lesbian who doesn't want you and fending off the lesbian who does. I think you must have thought that with all those different non-normative factors you'd somehow be immune from something so boringly frustrating. Sorry.

@10: I know, seems like a gazellion years ago.

Maybe senpai will notice me.