Blogs Jul 28, 2013 at 6:00 am

Slog Bible Study: Matthew 8:30-32

Goldy
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Comments

1
stupid pigs. . .
on July 28, 2013 at 6:13 AM Report this
2
Th-th-th-th-th-th-that's all folks!
RonK, Seattle on July 28, 2013 at 6:59 AM Report this
3
Then Jesus pulled a rabbit out of his hat and sawed a lady in a box in half. And the audience was left wondering how far mankind could have come in two thousand years if not for this nonsense.
Pope Peabrain on July 28, 2013 at 7:05 AM Report this
4
Swineherd: "Hey - where's all my pigs?"

Jesus: "What pigs *burp* would those be, son? Here, let me teach you to fish."
RonK, Seattle on July 28, 2013 at 7:29 AM Report this
5
Peabrain @3
You're like the prisoner in jail who is always cynical and stays in his cell, cracking jokes and mumbling to himself. Then one day you eventually find the readings of Jesus Christ or Malcolm X, and start building birdhouses, helping out in the kitchen, occasionally showing a wholesome smile, etc.

Not to be taken literally, this is a fairy tale.
dnt trust me on July 28, 2013 at 7:56 AM Report this
6
What really happened: Jesus spooked some poor peasant's pigs and then made up a story so he wouldn't have to compensate him for killing them all.
delirian on July 28, 2013 at 8:00 AM Report this
7
@5 You are so insightful. But I have a life sentence and am not allowed in the kitchen because knives.
Pope Peabrain on July 28, 2013 at 8:02 AM Report this
8
7
Ah, a question for the ages, to die by drowning or a stabbing.
dnt trust me on July 28, 2013 at 8:05 AM Report this
9
Next two lines:

"The people taking care of the pigs ran to the town and told everything, especially what had happened to the two men."

> "This asshole starts yelling at these two strangers and scares my pigs so much that they jumped off a cliff and drowned in a river."

"Everyone in town came out to meet Jesus. When they saw him, they begged him to leave their part of the country."

> "You are banished for killing that poor man's pigs. Don't come past here again if you value your life."

And as he left, they muttered "Christ, what an asshole".
delirian on July 28, 2013 at 8:09 AM Report this
10
Princess Mononoke told this story far more engagingly.
Dr. Z on July 28, 2013 at 8:16 AM Report this
11
#2 F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FTW!
Clara T on July 28, 2013 at 8:23 AM Report this
12
And then they ran into the lake and grabbed a few of the dead pigs to slaughter them and make some totally delicious satanic BLT's.
mikethehammer on July 28, 2013 at 8:35 AM Report this
13
@12: I don't think so. I suspect that they just let them rot. After all, they were demonic. The wasting food meme in the bible is getting old, don't you think?
spudbeach on July 28, 2013 at 9:10 AM Report this
14
"demon, pig, woman, sodomite, faithful Christian- doesn't matter, god is a dick"
dutchie on July 28, 2013 at 9:18 AM Report this
15
or to paraphrase the great rabi hillel the elder "god is a dick; this is the whole bible; the rest is the explanation; go and learn"
dutchie on July 28, 2013 at 9:20 AM Report this
16
And so God created the police.
redemma on July 28, 2013 at 9:58 AM Report this
18
Since when and for what do Jews raise herds of pigs?
on July 28, 2013 at 11:04 AM Report this
19
This quote just took me back to high school.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xi5qXSRHr…
Anne18 on July 28, 2013 at 11:09 AM Report this
20
Just like today @ BRAINWASHED BEACH...http://worldnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/…
Erok on July 28, 2013 at 11:46 AM Report this
21

@20

Yeah. You worship an aging
pervert pushing the destruction of marriage and family, sexually indiscriminate behavior befitting a chimp or tomcat more than civilized human beings, and public vulgarity that in better times in this country would have meant jail time.

These folks admire a decent man trying to make the world a better place.

I'm not even catholic and that choice is still easy.
Seattleblues on July 28, 2013 at 11:59 AM Report this
22
This parable is an allegory for the 2016 Republican National Convention.
Fnarf on July 28, 2013 at 12:22 PM Report this
23
@22

Maybe.

Too bad there isn't a parable involving pigs greedily porking at the public trough while shrilling about how those providing the contents aren't doing enough. Democrats would never need a clearer statement of their raison d'être.
Seattleblues on July 28, 2013 at 12:28 PM Report this
24
@23 Haha, that's funny because all the congresspeople that voted for keeping the NSA were Republicans feeding the most from the defense contractors trough. Oink, oink, nobody pigs out like Republicans.
Pope Peabrain on July 28, 2013 at 1:08 PM Report this
25
Fake.
seandr on July 28, 2013 at 1:15 PM Report this
26
@24 -- Not so. Not even close.

http://clerk.house.gov/evs/2013/roll412.…
RonK, Seattle on July 28, 2013 at 3:09 PM Report this
27
And then a small herd of pigs rushed down the steep bank into the lake and drowned and ate up the large herd of pigs, and Jesus interpreted that as a sign that a year of famine would follow a year of plenty.
Whoops, got a little mixed up there.
venomlash on July 28, 2013 at 3:18 PM Report this
28
The no vote was for the NSA.
Pope Peabrain on July 28, 2013 at 3:35 PM Report this
29
And thus began Deviled Ham: Green Eggs to follow in the sequel.
gttrgst on July 28, 2013 at 5:52 PM Report this
30
Lay off the innocent pigs, please. They are the only ones in the story who did nothing more that exist.
stonato on July 28, 2013 at 6:47 PM Report this
31
To sell to the goyim, what else.
sarah70 on July 28, 2013 at 7:49 PM Report this
32
Obviously this is how we got deviled ham
unknown_entity on July 28, 2013 at 10:07 PM Report this
33
Pope Peabrain @28 -- Right. And 83 D's voted No, right? Right. Which makes you WRONG, right? Right.
RonK, Seattle on July 29, 2013 at 12:10 AM Report this
34
The power of Porky compels you!
Rob in Baltimore on July 29, 2013 at 5:39 AM Report this
35
"If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?"-Pope Francis

That's okay, Seattleblues has enough judgment for everyone.
Rob in Baltimore on July 29, 2013 at 5:54 AM Report this
36
Why would the demons make the pigs kill themselves? Demons are evil not suicidal. 'Course the more death there is the more exciting the story.
on July 29, 2013 at 9:30 AM Report this
37
The Pope is officially more tolerant than Seattleblues. Damn, man.
lolorhone on July 29, 2013 at 12:28 PM Report this
38
Someone sic PETA on JC for animal cruelty
nurse-nancy-boy on July 30, 2013 at 2:01 AM Report this
39
Sounds like pig abuse to me! Arrest that wacky Son Of God!!
blackhook on July 30, 2013 at 3:57 PM Report this

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