Coconut Accused of Rigging Election Votes

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Local reporter's right buttock found missing. Local young coconut is being held under suspicion.

Matt the Engineer on September 6, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Also suspected are two European swallows and one African swallow.

Urgutha Forka on September 6, 2013 at 12:53 PM

"The nation was gripped by the husk of this vegetative mystery..."

treacle on September 6, 2013 at 1:01 PM

@2 - But you know Fox News is going to downplay the European swallows' involvement.

MacCrocodile on September 6, 2013 at 1:17 PM

I've got a lovely bunch…

rob! on September 6, 2013 at 1:33 PM

@4,
The African swallow shouldn't even be a suspect since African swallows are non-migratory.

Urgutha Forka on September 6, 2013 at 1:48 PM

So, by deductive reasoning we can ascertain the following:

1. Witches burn, just like wood.
2. Wood floats, just like a duck

Ergo, if the coconut weighs the same as a duck (i.e., if it floats), then it's made of wood and therefore - a witch!

!!!

ANOTHER STUNNING VICTORY FOR - SCIENCE!

COMTE on September 6, 2013 at 2:39 PM

SHE TURNED ME INTO A NEWT.

Grant Brissey, Emeritus on September 6, 2013 at 3:16 PM

You can tell if someone's a king because they haven't got shit all over them.

Urgutha Forka on September 6, 2013 at 3:20 PM

@9 - No one in the Maldives remembers voting for a king.

There might be something to these allegations after all.

MacCrocodile on September 6, 2013 at 5:18 PM

@10,

No one in the Maldives remembers voting for a king.

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Urgutha Forka on September 6, 2013 at 7:10 PM