The steampunk vibrator looks like something you'd use while wearing gloves to get deep wrinkles out of a suit.

Steampunk vibrator: it'll get you off until it explodes and you'll never feel like getting off again. Two problems, one (very, very, very hot) stone.

Well, I Rub My Wormie at long last explains this (goes with Anna's foregoing post about RNC PR BS).

Priebus rejected the idea that Republicans are waging a war on women.

“If the Democrats said we had a war on caterpillars and every mainstream media outlet talked about the fact that Republicans have a war on caterpillars, then we’d have problems with caterpillars,” Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus said in an interview on Bloomberg Television’s “Political Capital with Al Hunt” airing this weekend. “It’s a fiction.”

How the HELL do you explain that thought path??

Women –> Sluts –> Uterus control –> CATERPILLARS.

@3 so we can infer that his wife has one of these and prefers it to him?

I think my wife would divorce me if I brought that scorpion to our bed.

Isn't this post beneath you, Danielle?

@6 You're not slut shaming, are you? Why yes, you are.

Just think; with the steampunk vibrator you could get off and then relax with a lovely cup of tea!

I'm torn between the scorpion and the steampunk. Scorpion wins for pure, immediate horror factor, but doubtful it'll do long term damage. Steampunk wins for the potential to pretty much destroy my lady bits if something goes wrong.

Oh, yes, please give me third degree burns on my rectum.

I Wub My Roomie...! So much more fun... :D

Yeah, the "Steampunk" one is the worst. No way should a vibrator flirt with the possibility -however ostensibly remote- of serious pain and agony in the fertile triangle or bum-zone areas.

The Scorpion, while visually "terrifying" could easily be used very effectively in several different S/M scenes... mwah ha ha haaaa!

Does the Ultimate G work? It's suddenly in every women's magazine, but only for sale in the UK.

Hmmm... I'm torn.

The scorpion one just looks terrifying and creepy. No thank you.

The steampunk one looked fine at first glance. And then I read it worked on real steam!!! I don't want anything that hot near any sensitive parts. Yikes!

Hey, if we're going to start using power tools, we might as well start with pneumatic needle scalers. Just make sure you cover anything you want to be stimulated with padded leather.

Get that steam-powered one away from me! I'm going to have flashbacks from "Save The Green Planet" for the next week!

The scorpion reminds me of this chilling French AIDS-prevention ad.

"Sans préservatif, c'est avec le sida que vous faîtes l'amour. Protégez-vous."

The worm is cute.

I took the worm designation of "travel size" as literal -- if TSA is going through your luggage, it is doubtful they would leer at the caterpillar.

The alarm clock vibrator = wake and shake!

I have two candidates for your terrorizing pleasure:

1. The Rock Box. Demonstration video. Built like a power tool (not in a good way), this thing will gyrate your bits at 5000 rpm. Plus, it comes with separate attachments for Her (a pink disembodied tongue) and His (a black...ridgy...thing?) pleasure. Unfortunately, it's been discontinued. Surprise surprise.

2. Jopen Intensity. It's a dual stimulation (rabbit style) inflatable vibrator that...shocks your vagina? Oh hell, just read these reviews. (Second link nsfw.)

Note that both of these items cost 200-300 dollars, when they were available. *shudder*