A Morning Message from Mormons

Comments

Did he say "get sticky together"? And then "don't be silent"?

Call me Scott on January 31, 2014 at 9:02 AM

But aren't there some Mormons or Mormon organizations (Mitt Romney, the Mormon Church, I think) who are heavily invested in hotels that offer PPV porn? What he's doing about this?

seatackled on January 31, 2014 at 9:06 AM

In this situation, you really should lend him a hand.

NotYourStrawMan on January 31, 2014 at 9:11 AM

My grandad was in Belgium in WW2. Comparing that to watching porn is fucking offensive. And dumb as shit.

wxPDX on January 31, 2014 at 9:14 AM

That video is not nearly as hot as the description and title make it sound.

MacCrocodile on January 31, 2014 at 9:14 AM

I'm gonna watch some porn right now in honor of all those sad, sad mormons.

Rotten666 on January 31, 2014 at 9:15 AM

Don't forget that you can convert a dead Mormon.

http://alldeadmormonsarenowgay.com/

seatackled on January 31, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Earnestly discuss your "problem" with a large group of people!

Be a mass debater!

rob! on January 31, 2014 at 9:30 AM

@7 update:
Orrin Hatch's dad, RIP, is now gay.

seatackled on January 31, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Porn is bad, mmkay.

War fetish is good, mmkay.

Being a coward about war and porn is religious leadership, mmkay.

on January 31, 2014 at 9:36 AM

After watching it, I was drawn in by the Related Video labeled "Is Masturbation..." just to see the rest of the title, which is "...a Sin?"

I was envisioning "Is Masturbation for You?" Which, now that I know the stakes are so high, I may have to make myself.

Fred Casely on January 31, 2014 at 9:48 AM

I think Utah is like the number one porn watching state in the union. Why do people believe religious bullshit? That's what it is. They actually think they can make you have more babies with their religious horseshit. And having more babies is what religion is all about.

Pope Peabrain on January 31, 2014 at 10:02 AM

@4: My former father-in-law was in Belgium in WWII, and he said it was essentially identical to trying not to have orgasms, but only in the petite mort sense.

aureolaborealis on January 31, 2014 at 10:09 AM

Wait, why is he in his room watching porn with the door open?

Jason Josephes on January 31, 2014 at 10:17 AM

@2 and @12 might be, collectively, onto something. Porn producers rely on the liberal atmosphere of the California coast for filming and the sex-starved Mormon mountains for consumption.

MacCrocodile on January 31, 2014 at 10:26 AM

When someone is wounded, you should apply direct pressure. I learned that in first aid class.

hifiandrew on January 31, 2014 at 10:52 AM

If we convert George Romney to Gay, will that make Shitty Mitt cease to exist?

The Max on January 31, 2014 at 2:02 PM

Personally, if Porn = Nazis and Sexual Naïveté = America, it's too late for me. I've already spanked too many (hypothetical) Jews into soap. Just hang me high. But let me change into my Batman costume first.

The Max on January 31, 2014 at 2:06 PM

This kind of incredibly hyperbolic propaganda just makes me think that Mormonism is being eroded by exposure to the world at large even more rapidly than I had previously.

Deimos on January 31, 2014 at 3:01 PM

The lingering gaze in that pool table scene nicely suggests the hotness that could have been.

Jerry M. Ander on January 31, 2014 at 3:20 PM

So...why this clarion alarm? Are young Mormons checking out porn now?

Bauhaus I on January 31, 2014 at 3:36 PM

...and equating remaining silent (or allowing friends to enjoy a Constitutional right without reprimand) to leaving wounded on the battlefield is, I think, pretty fucking outrageous. It only hints at the enormity of a fucked up mind that could have cooked up such a comparison. Mormons...jeez.

Bauhaus I on January 31, 2014 at 3:42 PM

This HAS to be a joke! Come on!

@14 Yes!

floater on January 31, 2014 at 5:16 PM

"Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found."

McBomber on January 31, 2014 at 6:53 PM

@24 Written 2 thousand years ago by a republican.

longwayhome on January 31, 2014 at 7:59 PM

@23--Yes.
This cannot be for real! The Onion, right?

crone on January 31, 2014 at 8:46 PM

"Don't tell. You'll be a tattle-tail."

PPFFFFFFFWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Because this is a message aimed at, what, 7-year-olds?!

@20: I thought the same thing. I have a lot of missed opportunities in my life because I was so naive/oblivious when I was younger, but even at 13, I couldn't possibly have missed a come-hither look like that.

Knat on January 31, 2014 at 10:41 PM

Gay.

sirkowski on February 1, 2014 at 1:15 AM

The older man turned in the masturbating friend because he was jealous he couldn't have him for himself.

Clayton on February 1, 2014 at 11:37 AM

I love that they assume masturbation is a guy thing. Like it's something women never do. (Obviously, that hitachi is for a neck ache)

JudT on February 1, 2014 at 11:26 PM

A Morning Message from Mormons

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

Editors' Picks

No, Washington Did Not Just Pass a Law Allowing the State to Kidnap and Transgenderify Children

Andor Is Simply the Greatest TV Show of 2022

A Water Goddess at the International Arrivals Facility

Tish Gallow Keeps Black Music Alive in Columbia City

Capitol Hill Block Party's 2023 Lineup Is Here!

Issaquah: A Modest Paradise

Support The Stranger

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

Editors' Picks

Just Can't Get Enough?

Sign up for our newsletter for news recaps, updates, and more!