Someone on another blog I read pointed out that we should cut Travolta some slack since he's dyslexic, and someone else replied that he himself insists that Scientology CURED his dyslexia, so no dice. Close examination of the tape cannot confirm or deny the rumor that what he said instead of "Idina Menzel" was in fact "HAIL ZENU".

This photo of Lupita Nyongo: http://pic.twitter.com/oARo3It36t

The Jonah Hill joke was that he showed Ellen something that she hadn't seen in years, and the Liza joke was that it was an impersonator ("good job, sir"). Those were funny. On the other hand, the pizza schtick was flat.

The funniest thing from the Oscars are the Jimmy Kimmel videos. Kevin Spacey was Keyboard Cat, Adam from Girls was Steve Jobs, and Matt Damon had a hilarious deleted scene. I'm waiting for the Slog debate whether this clip is racist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYVh4jo8…

Forced to admit that I actually liked Bette Midler - I really hate that song but she pulled it off. Such control.

Ellen was a bore. Did you know "DeGeneres" is Latin for "lowest common denominator"?

Love me some Ellen, but her limp punnery referencing best supporting actor nominee Barkhad Abdi, a Somali, with a wine sommelier, certainly went way over his head not to mention half of the heir-heads in the audience. Not to mention the two words do not sound the same.

Once she whipped out the cell phone for an in-broadcast commercial I was done.
The entire thing is already a fucking commercial.

@7, I think everyone understood the 'joke', but it seemed to imply Somalis weren't important enough for us to distinguish them from sommeliers. That was embarrassing for everyone involved.

I feel like people have complained about the Oscars being boring and awful forever. But as far as that goes, I thought last night's ceremony was great: Ellen's low-key "Celebrities are Just Like Us [Weekly]" audience jokes were cheese ball but charming, the montages weren't odious, and I don't remember anyone's acceptance speeches (in any category!) getting cut off. That's why we tune in anyway, not for an avant art project.

That link to Liza's picture doesn't look like Liza, sadly it is. I'm not talking about the weight, bra or not. Facelifts ruined her spunkiness, Marlo Thomas did the same thing, and Kim Novak too.

There should be congressional hearings on this epidemic.

I've never forgiven them for voting that crass, manipulative, Hollywood auto-fellatio, POS Crash Best Picture. (spits)

With you, Original Andrew.

Dear Ellen: fucking around with your phone and ordering pizza is what we're supposed to be doing. You're supposed to be entertaining.

@14: I loved the pizza thing. Watching those stars trying to handle a slice of pizza with drippy cheese and toppings not soiling their $5K gowns was priceless.

I normally think Ellen is funny if she just stands there and says "Hi, my name is Ellen." When she starts trying to be funny (or at least, when it shows that she's trying), then I start to feel embarrassed for her. I think things like "oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you committed to this bit and now you have to stick with it even though it's obvious that you can tell it isn't going well."

Lupita Nyong'o made it worth it.

Agreed with @4 about Bette and that stupid song. And Idina Menzel. Like Shirley Bassey and Adele last year, she and Bette showed how it's done.

And OK, if I was U2 I would be pretty pleased with myself, too. But seriously guys, come on. You are not actually as important as Nelson Mandela.

I described the 2014 Oscars on Facebook as a CGI animation of Madame Tussauds Wax Museum.

#3

Get it? No, not really.

To Jonah Hill (referencing his prosthetic penis in Wolf of Wall Street): I honestly have to say, you showed us something in that film that I haven't seen for a very long time. Get it?

I would get it if he had shown his actual real penis on the film. Then it would be "oh, ha, I get it...she's a lesbian...right...she doesn't see penises".

But then if it's prosthetic, it's a dildo right? So does that mean she's a lesbian who doesn't get sex any more so she hasn't seen a strap on in ages, since what's her name left her? But she has a girlfriend now, according to "Celebrity Dirty Laundry". Overall it goes into the category of yet another Elayne Boosler Non-Joke (discussed previously) or else that kind of joke where it would be funny if all the parts of it were true/made sense but they really don't.

Anyway, the only reason Jonah Hill attended the Oscars is because he's read about all the other stars "all his life" and he "really, really wanted to work there".

Note to SROTU

Lack of a phallus does not equal lack of sex

@12 i stopped complaining about that because no one was listening.. i should have called you..god i HATE that movie...

#19

That's a third perspective from which her non-joke quip makes no sense.

@1 Upon reading comments on other sites, that appears to not even be true. Tom Cruise is dyslexic and did claim Scientology cured him, but there's no evidence that John Travolta has, or ever did have, dyslexia. There's no mention of it on his Wikipedia page and a Google news search of "John Travolta" + dyslexia brings up very few results from big news sources (there's a Washington Post blog that references "reports" that suggest it). Certainly not as many as it should if it were true.

If you limit the same search to before February 28 (two days before the Oscars) of this year, you get zero results. So until this week, not a single news story Google can access mentions Travolta's "dyslexia." (For some reason, if you limit a regular Google search to the same time frame, you get a bunch of blogs and web comments written after the Oscars).