Comments

1
It's a big mess and you have probably learned from it. DON'T tell your ex now. Wait six weeks. You have already cheated, choosing not to share information is no biggie. Sharing information will cause a nuclear reaction and possibly affect your job. Ride it out.
2
Actually, I rescind. Why do you have to tell her at all? Sounds like you want to hurt her.
3
yeah, I know we lesbians like to be all friends after the fact and whatnot, but why tell the ex at all? And my #1 reason for not telling her is that she may cause trouble for you both at work, even after the ex moves to another country.

And even though the LW was a cheater, I'm not giving her shit for that at all: cheating is never great, but two months and then she did the right thing by breaking it off with the ex? That's more mature than many people, even those whose original bf/gfs aren't scary or controlling.
4
From the videos I've seen, it's best to tell the ex about the new lesbian lover during an after-work underwear-and-pillow fight.
5
She's your ex, it's none of her beeswax.
6
Lesson: dont fuck co-workers. duh motherfucker.
7
@4: I saw that video. I thought it a bad idea to have the new girl there when she broke it to her ex, but she took the news surprisingly well, as I recall.
8
It seems one could make a perfectly reasonable case that reaching a certain degree of controlling cancels all commitments, just as, in Precious Bane, Prue tells Gideon that murder cancels all vows.

Mr Savage's statements against cheating are bordering on being in the same realm as Mr Obama's former statements against marriage equality. There is a good deal of nobility in his attempt to undermine the social penalties extracted from cheaters, but doing so also happens to undermine those people who need Wronged Party support, and for whom No-Fault support just won't cut it.
10
Can we delete the spam about the spell caster?
11
@10 - I just clicked on the "Report this" link and filled out the brief form. Still, casting spells to get your XBF back?!? Guess there's a scam for everything.

Back to the LW: Your ex only needs to know that you're not involved with her (the ex). Even if she wasn't controlling and/or a risk at work, you gain nothing from bringing your current GF into your XGFs sights.
12
vennominon I'm not sure what you're talking about. Not telling the Ex until she leaves isn't going to prevent her from feeling sad, or seeking support. It'll just give the LW some degree of protection from a vengeful Ex.
15
@14, @9:
Weird spam. But seriously, if there's a person there behind the internet bots, you should feel ashamed of yourself. Go find another line of work, asshole.
16
Oh, and if you feel you're "leading-on" your ex, stop talking to her in such a way that implies that you're interested in pursuing a relationship. If simply talking to her is enough, stop talking to her and further entangling yourself. If you don't like being controlled, don't continue to be.
17
Ms Anon - It was a general remark. Mr Savage frequently makes a strong case for concerned outside parties' regarding cheating from a No-Fault point of view. There are merits to it, but an unfortunate effect is that it results in No-Fault Support being given to both parties in a cheating-impacted relationship, when occasionally (frequently?) the party cheated upon requires Wronged Person support.
18
If Lying Lesbian is already broken up with her former girlfriend. Just tell her. I don't believe in anyway to land a soft blow on an ex girlfriend or boyfriend. The end of a relationships are painful and yang to the yin of the blissful stage while entering a new relationship.

It is better to tell the ex girl friend so both of you can have closure.

About telling the ex girlfriend will affect her work, leaving her in limbo will affect her work. As much as rejection is incredibly painful, it is part of life, and she should have the coping skills in dealing with it. I would also tell her now, because as much as she was an ex girl friend, she was a also at one time a close friend, and she should at least know that you have move on, so she can move sooner than later... The end of relationships are always painful, and it is better to be short, blunt and truthful, and let her heal.
19
Mr. Ven @17, don't they say "you never know what goes on in other people's marriages"? I think when a long relationship ends, both people should have support systems that listen to them, and hear their side of the story, and provide an appropriate level of support for the circumstances.

But short of domestic abuse or other criminal behavior, I don't see why the community at large should ever give Wronged Person support, as you call it. That's what your own friends & family are for, not other people who never got the complicated details.
20
Chick sounds like a drama queen. I'm glad she's not messing around with my dating pool.

LL: It's over. You have nothing nice to say about your ex. How could it be smart to maintain a friendship? Or tell her about your current relationship? It's usually not a great idea to date coworkers. It's the smart choice to be discreet at work, it is not hiding from your ex. If you want to tell her to recapture her interest in you, own it. Or move on.

I totally question that LL felt bad about cheating, and I'm glad Dan spelled out that it was wrong. Like most bad behavior, there are two fairly understandable points of view, but LL was right to start moving on and stop cheating. She should keep moving on.
21
MRA alert... if this had been a guy, Dan would not have given a handwave on the cheating or offered a convenient semi-excuse.
23
@17 I can understand that.
24
LOLesbians.
25
@10/11 I always report the spell casters as spam. They are usually deleted after a while. BTW, I also report "first post" posts as offtopic, but those are never deleted.
26




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