Comments

1
"• Fifty-one percent of women who have abortions had used a contraceptive method in the month they got pregnant, most commonly condoms"

Safe Sex indeed.....
2
2. Refuse to accept money for sex
3
"A first-trimester abortion is one of the safest medical procedures, with minimal risk"

obviously not the baby's perspective....
4
@1 Everybody must learn how to use a condom properly. So you agree?
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4

it should be a law, for sure.

what makes you think they were not?
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@5 Educated in condom use? I was not. My child just finished 7th grade sex ed, and he did not. Maybe it's coming later. I hope next year. My son is not sexually active, but plenty of 7th graders are. (Sad or not, true.)
Let's just forget abortion for one sec. Let's talk comprehensive sex education for all.
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6

be our guest.

perhaps you are new here.

The Troll has always advocated for comprehensive sex education for all.

just don't forget to tell the tikes how often accidents happen when condoms are used "properly" and don't forget to tell them that the safest way to avoid STDs and pregnancy is abstinence until married and monogamy thereafter.

because Science and all.

deal?
8
@2 And cite. Not "site." Argh.
9
@7 I would never tell them that! That sounds like the worst life ever! You are very sad, I think. Or afraid. Don't be so scared. When life bites you. Bite it back.
10
LMK if you need a copy editor, Dan. There's the typo pointed out above: then, "fuck 'em if it feels right" needs a period. Last nitpick: should be: "..a bi unicorn who loves TO eat pussy".

She should go for it. Tell them upfront that she's probably not full on bi, but maybe a bit of a pillow princess. If they've been cruising Craigslist or wherever, they'll know what that means. (I was agog when I figured that out; in college, that was most girls who were straight until graduation..)
11
Homonyms have always bin my downfall. Thanks, gang. Corrections made!
12
"...everything you've told us" -- is that the royal we?
13
9

sad?

not one bit.

enlightened choices lead to a happier life. does killing your unborn babies make you happy?

why do you lie to your children?

tell them The Truth, they can handle it and it will enable them to make informed choices besides people who lie to kids are the lowest scum there is
14
ignorant trolls who lie to kids by telling them that fetuses are babies rank pretty low on the scum scale.
15
I did not know that monogamy prevents pregnancy. Surely the troll was referring to gay monogamy and marriage, where monogamy does indeed prevent pregnancy. Perhaps we should all get gay married to avoid both STD's and pregnancy.
16
@13. At that point, the "tissue" at hand ain't no bebe. And my other son is 11, and he's HATES my tattoos, and asked me "what went wrong in your life, where you felt you needed to get a (tasteful) nose piercing?" So he's of course a rebel, already. Little rascal. He's heard "the truth" told by other 11 year olds. (Joseph smith's truth).
My highest choice is that he leave this "the truth" at 11 years old. Where it belongs. But if he doesn't, oh well. At least he will learn (from me, if need be) how to operate a condom, with grace and style. And scene!
What were we talking about? Oh yeah, I've over thought my own kids to within an inch of their life. Don't worry about mine. Many others are still at risk!!
17
Please don't lie to children and tell them that abstaining until marriage prevents unwanted pregnancies. Marriage has no effect on whether or not you get pregnant, in and of itself. It is sex that causes babies. Sex within marriage is just as dangerous with regards to unwanted pregnancies as sex outside of marriage. If you do not want to get pregnant (or get someone pregnant) learn about safe sex options.

Also, remember only hormonal birth control methods and IUDs prevent against potential pregnancies from non-consensual sex. You should not just assume that if you don't want to have sex, then you do not need to worry about birth control. Learn your options in advance, and remember Plan B is an option afterwards (check current info on effectiveness at different weights) if you do not have a method that protects you in advance. Also, remember, it's not uncommon for abusive teenage boys to sabotage birth control methods, such as poking holes in condoms or trying to hide birth control pills and such. If you're in an abusive relationship and can't get out, consider a method like the shot that can't be tampered with.

Finally, remember to ignore trollish fuckheads and do what is best for you.
18
not a 'baby'?

whatever gets you through the nite....

however, those women know better.

they were shitting themselves because they knew there was a baby growing in them.

otherwise, why worry; right?

and after they paid some good doctor who was sworn to do no harm to kill their baby everything was A-OK.

and, frankly, their baby was better off dead. than raised by a mother who wanted them dead.

and let's don't even bring up the sperm donors. we dare not call them 'men' or 'fathers'.

several levels below rock bottom on the ScumScale.

but all you find in Gommorah, sadly.

15
you are cute.
definitely do whatever it takes to not get pregnant.
19
I was at Planned Parenthood recently and was there informed that worldwide, women generally have one abortion in their lifetimes.
20
I've had an abortion, a full term pregnancy, and a miscarriage of a fetus we wanted. The latter was the hardest to experience, emotionally. Right wing men and women are idiots about abortions, especially the men. Do they regret the demise of all their sperm? There are far too many humans on this poor planet.
21
@11
"Homonyms have always bin my downfall."

This calls for a Hitler video about homonyms.

And I think the LW considers herself a "fun gal," but that is one fucked up acronym she came up with.
22
Abstinence has a higher failure rate than condoms. When people try to use condoms but fail, we have no problem calling it a failure rate for condom use. But when people try to be abstinent but fail (as many teenagers do), people on the right magically rename it "not being abstinent" rather than a failure of abstinence as a method of birth control. There's a reason why "abstinence-only sex ed" states have more teenaged pregnancies, earlier marriages, higher divorce rates, and higher abortion rates than do more liberal jurisdictions
23
@18. You'd be surprised (I guess?) how different having an abortion and having a child really are. I mean, it's waaaaaay different.
24
Advice to the letter writer:

If you go through with it, don't mention that you asked an advice columnist if you should. It makes you sound lame.
25
Dan, the website you linked states approx. 1 in 5 (21%) pregnant women in the US have had an abortion, which is very, very different from 1 in 3 American women having had an abortion. Please be careful when quoting stats like that. The closest I found to your 1/3 stat was:

"If current rates continue, it is estimated that 35% of all women of reproductive age in America today will have had an abortion by the time they reach the age of 45." - which is also very different from 1/3 American women have had an abortion.

A great book on this is Bad Science by Ben Goldacre, by the way.
26
"FUNGAL" could be a "Fun Gal" or..... eeeuuh !!
27
If she's fungal, she should get that looked at first. Just sayin'...
28
Dory, go take a stats class, or even just a reading class. 21% of pregnant women have had an abortion. That means when they ask women who are *pregnant* at the time of the survey, 21% say they've had an abortion in the past. The one in three stat comes from Guttmacher institute. The real rate is 228 abortions per 1000 live births. The estimate, including miscarriages, is 18% of pregnancies end with induced abortion. If you want to see the numbers, http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml… is very interesting. In any case, it's not useful, in my opinion, to talk about 1:3 across America when there is a stark difference in patterns across states and ages.
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@26 - yeah, that was my reaction...she didn't think through that acronym.

The problem isn't wasted sperm, it's all those women escaping the men who'd like access to and control of their wombs for life. Men who feel they are entitled to a woman, just because. This is why married lesbians with donors drive them so crazy.
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@28

Actually, the link in Dan's post (to the Guttmatcher Institute's website, coincidentally!) states: "Twenty-one percent of all pregnancies (excluding miscarriages) end in abortion". The way I wrote it in my comment was incorrect (although clearly you understood what I meant), so apologies for that. The barriers of not being a native English speaker...?

The CDC article is very interesting, thank you for the link. It is based on older data (2010) than the study on the Guttmatcher Institute (2011), although it would be hard to say which is more valid/representative without looking into it deeply (which I won't). Both are vastly different from the 1 in 3 women quoted by Dan.

I agree that it is not useful to talk about general rates if there are considerable differences between age groups. However, it is also not helpful to spread (apparently) incorrect information.
31
I disagree on point 2 in the response to FUNGAL. Lots of couples are looking for thirds who are easily disposable but most don't want a pro.
32
There are lots of different ways to arrive at abortion statistics. One way to do it is to simply count all the reported abortions in a population and divide by all the women, which may give you something like the 1:3 or the statistic that #19 says she was given at Planned Parenthood. But many women who have abortions have had multiple abortions, so that's not a good way to evaluate the raw numbers.

I have never had an accidental or unwanted pregnancy, but I do know that depending on my life circumstances, and the circumstances under which I became pregnant, my decision to have an abortion, even if that decision was the same no matter what, would have a different emotional effect on me.
I know lots of women who have never had an abortion. The vast majority of my friends have never had one. I know several women who each had one first trimester abortion. Some of those terminated pregnancies were the results of one-night stands or incredibly short-lived flings, long over by the time the pregnancy was discovered. Two of the women were teenagers who knew it was out of the question to consider having a child. Not one of these women ever hesitated to have the abortion, not one has ever expressed any regret or felt any emotional turmoil from their abortions. One of my friends was in her early 20s, pregnant by a man she was in love with, who insisted she abort when she wanted to have the baby and marry the boyfriend--she is the only one I know who had any emotional fallout from the abortion, even though she later acknowledged that it was probably for the best, all things considered. And I know a woman who had 7 abortions--she essentially treated them as birth control. She radically skews the data. Personally, I find her blitheness about the whole thing disturbing, but if I believe in a woman's right to choose (as I do), then I have to say she's entitled to her decisions.

A better question is what does it matter how many abortions occur or how many women have them? Either they are acceptable or they aren't . If you think that a woman should have a right to decide her own fate, you have to allow for that right to be given to all women.
33
> 1. Meet, have drinks, talk—tell them everything you've told us—
> and then do what you've always done: fuck 'em if it feels right.

She stated that she has never done one-night stands, and it is possible that she waits some noticeable period of time---days or weeks quite possibly---between meeting her new beau and having sex with him, so it is likely that this is _not_ what she's done before, at least if I was correct in reading your response correctly to mean '...after but one meeting.'. She really shouldn't settle for not knowing the couple approximately as well as she would know a lone man before having sex, which is fully consonant with your advice to not try to make it a one-time event.
34
Pro-tip: when driving on a country road behind a car festooned with anti-abortion bumper-stickers, keep your distance in case the driver should stop quickky to avoid fatally crashing into an acorn, a pine-cone, or an highly-magnified picture of a new oak or pine seedling.
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@31 - that was my thought too. I thought we were beyond the point where "looking for a one-off" = "looking for a hooker"...
36
" ... you worry you'll be rejected—that you won't be what they want. But if they have their hearts set on a bi unicorn who loves to eat pussy, then you're the wrong unicorn for them and they're the wrong couple for you to unicorn. Better to have a nice, clean, honest rejection—a mutual recognition that you're not a match—than to hold back and wind up in bed being pressured to do things you don't want to do."

On the flip side of that, what's the worst case for you if you put yourself out there honestly & they're NOT into it - i.e. you get rejected? You end up not having sex with this couple - which is EXACTLY where you are right now. There's really nothing to lose by putting it out there ...
37
I've been a unicorn (though it wasn't called that then) a couple of times. In both cases we had very clear rules; for example, sex was always with all three of us, never just two of us, so if one of the couple was too tired, no sex happened. We also did things together socially (I met one couple's friends, for example), and we made plans for the weekends we spent together that went beyond just fucking. I am quite enthusiastically bi, so there were no problems with that. With one couple we met at a low-key restaurant first, had a leisurely dinner and talked (and talked and talked). We all really liked each other, which was important for all of us. I would then drive to their house and spend the weekend. I found myself becoming very emotionally attached to the woman in that situation and began to feel she was really a close friend. The sex was always very hot and satisfying, by the way. In that case, the relationship ended when she, becoming desperately homesick for her own country, became depressed and went on Zoloft which killed her desire. We all agreed it was best to disband and allow her to get the help she needed, and we kept in touch over the phone for awhile. This situation could have got weird had we not had the "no twosomes" rule, especially as he was kind of without sex for awhile, but that was for them to deal with as part of their marriage, and we were all clear about that.

In the other case it was just sex (hot fun in the dungeon), and it got old pretty quickly because I really do need some emotional connection.

If you're going to try it, be very clear about your boundaries and needs, and ask questions about theirs. If she hasn't been with a woman yet, you can explore together. Have fun!

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