Comments

1
"Hey 19"
Hey, you stole that from Steely Dan. They were advertised as a Stranger Suggests item last week. How many of the Stranger staffers went? Or perhaps the better question, when you guys suggest something, don't you think it ethical to participate in that suggestion?
2
Not sure that the "so far, so good" part of the letter was quite honest.
3
Almost universally, people try to give up masturbation at some point in their adolescence.

Really? Is this something current, perhaps resulting from abstinence-only education that shames not only partnered sex but also individual pleasure? Or, if people are already sexually active, because of the erroneous ideas that one's partner should take care of the entirety of the other's needs or has the right to jealously patrol and prohibit solo usage?

Sorry, not buying it without proof.
4
Raised quite conservatively. Never tried to give it up, and I did it a lot. (emphasis mine).
5
Raised Mormon. The first time I masturbated I was 19. I don't recommend waiting that long.
6
He honestly mentioned a turn-on/fantasy to his wife.

LW violently crushed it like she was smothering a birthday cake's candles with his face.

Why should he ever engage in fantasy talk with her again? She doesn't play nice.
7
"Almost universally, people try to give up masturbation at some point in their adolescence."

Er, no. Almost universally, people meet body-negative people who try to shame them about anything bodily, even when it's totally natural and healthy, like : sneezing, body hair, masturbating in one's privacy... and one has to learn to ignore them.

As someone from another continent, I've never ever heard of teenagers stopping masturbation during adolescence. I've heard of a lot of teenagers increasing their frequence of masturbation during adolescence, or of them starting to explore masturbation in earnest at that time. But stopping it ? Or wanting to stop it ? Nope.

Oh, and we don't have abstinence-only indoctrination in public schools in my country. I'd say #3 has a point.
8
1) Rejection can definitely damp sexual expression for me. It's like the desire is still there, but there's a barrier too. That's not always a bad thing.. I expect a partner to have boundaries just as I do. I've had kinks wax and wane but it's usually gradual for me.

2) I think the mutual goal of creating a more healthy and fulfilling sex life is the definition of a healthy sex life.

And the disconnect isn't that you suddenly changed your mind about cuckold fantasies. It's that you absorbed lots of new information about sex. That may be a good place to start to talk about your new differences in desire; tell him about what you consider 'good' sex, now, and apologize for how your lack of information hurt him. Once you're on the same page, you can renegotiate your sex life more successfully.

And it looks like you rejected his porn use although it had not interfered with your sex life? You can also start to apologize about that.

Sustaining good sex requires good communication.

Please wait...

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