The state flag of Iowa, a state full of losers on Sunday.
The state flag of Iowa, a place full of losers on Sunday. Iowa flag/Shutterstock

I know very little about Iowa. I've driven through the state three times. I assume both the University of Iowa and Northern Iowa University are located there. I know the University of Iowa has an excellent writing program. Des Moines is a city in Iowa. I ate at a steakhouse there once. Omaha is a city near Iowa. I ate at a steakhouse there, too. John Wayne was born in Iowa. So was Ashton Kutcher. Also, two of Iowa’s best college basketball teams lost in rapid succession in the third round of the NCAA Tournament here in Seattle on Sunday.

First the Iowa Hawkeyes, who looked dominant beating a Davidson team that looked bad in the way a basketball team assembled from the student body of an elite southern liberal arts college with 1,850 undergraduates should look bad, were dismantled by Gonzaga. Whereas the Hawkeyes had loomed over Davidson’s wee team of small basketball players in the previous round, they faced in Gonzaga a team of talented tall people from Europe. These European talls were excellent on Sunday, as Gonzaga put together one of the best offensive performances of the whole tournament.

Then Northern Iowa, who is better than Iowa despite representing only a subset of Iowa, was beaten somewhat less comprehensively by Louisville. Louisville is a basketball team representing the people of Louisville, in much the same way that a New York high-rise full of vacant condos owned by a cadre of international oligarchs represents New York. It’s there, and it’s important, but it all feels like a weird tax dodge. On Sunday, Louisville looked grateful not to have to defend a seven-foot-six center like they did on Friday, much as a Russian oligarch hiding out in the States is grateful to no longer have the ire of Vladimir Putin focused in his direction.

Which leads me to an unanswerable question: Why did any of this happen in Seattle?

Sure, there are the actual answers, which involve the University of Washington athletic department applying for the privilege and the operators of KeyArena jumping at the chance to fill their space with big-time college basketball.

But also something bigger is going on here.

“Oh you’re from Iowa?” our city said in one collective voice, thats cool.
“Oh you’re from Iowa?” Seattle said in one collective voice, "that's cool." Iowa corn field/Shutterstock

Making the sweet 16 in the NCAA Tournament is the sort of mid-American dream that seems to fit the colleges of Iowa like a dream. And Seattle is a perfect graveyard for those dreams. “Oh, you’re from Iowa?” our city said in one collective voice, “That’s cool.” Then the city turned its back on Iowa and everyone from there, leaving the Iowa schools insecure. And they were right to be insecure on Sunday; they were bad at basketball.

Are there lessons to be learned from any of this poorly played basketball? Sure. It’s good to be tall when you play basketball. It’s going to be a rough transition if you come to Seattle from Iowa. Stateless oligarchs are powerful in our increasingly globalized society. But if you needed two basketball games or this blog post to learn those lessons… well… I know where there’s a good steakhouse for you to eat at back home.