Should we all just grab hoses and help?
Should we all just grab hoses and help? Lake Washington / Shutterstock

Lake Washington Is in Need of About an Inch of Water: "The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers says it’s boosting the level of Lake Washington in Seattle early this year due to extremely low snowpack in the Cascade Mountains."

On the Far Side of the Olympic Peninsula, the Coast Guard Received a Mayday Call Yesterday from a Fishing Vessel Called the Sea Beast: "The ship's master said the vessel was taking on water and he and his three crew members couldn't keep up with the flooding." The crew was saved, but "the master wasn't able to get off and went down with the ship."

You Know There's a Volcano Erupting Underwater, 300 Miles from Our Coast? "We're seeing microbes that nobody's ever seen before coming out of the sea floor," one UW professor says.

I have to agree, the air up heres the best, this bald eagle said.
Bellingham has been named America's least smoggy city. Bald Eagle in Bellingham Bay / Shutterstock

"I Have to Agree, the Air Up Here's the Best," Said This Bald Eagle in Bellingham Bay: The American Lung Association just declared Bellingham, Washington, "the least ozone-polluted (read: smoggy) city in America."

Capitol Hill Makes This List of the Bro-iest Neighborhoods in the World: But the damn clickbait website uses a photo of A BAR THAT DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE THAT WASN'T A BRO SPOT. If anything, the Broadway Grill was a gay Denny's. Those guys on the patio aren't bros, they're fags. (Or they're bromosexuals—a Seattle specialty.)

Ugh, Let's Talk About Something Real—How About Hillary Clinton Saying, "We Have to Come to Terms with Some Hard Truths About Race and Justice in America"? In remarks at Columbia University, she said: "There is something profoundly wrong when African American men are still far more likely to be stopped and searched by police, charged with crimes, and sentenced to longer prison terms than are meted out to their white counterparts."

Speaking of Women Running for President, Carly Fiorina Is Officially In: Here's a run-down of where she is on the issues: supports a path to citizenship for immigrants, is against same-sex marriage, was opposed to the 2009 stimulus, seems shaky on climate change.

She Also Has Completely Insane Instincts When It Comes to Campaign Videos: As Rich Smith recently reminded us.

But She's Not Sarah Palin: Okay?

Oh Yeah, and Fiorina Apparently Didn't Register Carlyfiorina.org: So someone else did and filled it with 30,000 frowny-face emoticons—the number of people Fiorina fired during the Compaq merger.

Ben Carson, the Doctor from Whom Dan Savage Is Still Waiting for a Blowjob, Is Also Running for President, He Announced Just Now: He would "eliminate Medicare and Medicaid," he thinks climate change is no reason to stop tapping the earth's "God-given resources," and in 2013 he said opposite-sex marriage is a "fundamental pillar of society, and no group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA, be they people who believe in bestiality—it doesn’t matter what they are, they don’t get to change the definition." Ohhh-kay then.

Two Gunmen Were Killed When They Showed Up at a Muhammad Cartoon Contest in Texas Yesterday: One of them tweeted right before the attack, “May Allah accept us as mujahideen.” The shooters were brothers. Ban brothers.

Obviously, you know former mayor Mike McGinns feelings about Bertha. But are you aware of his feelings about Joni Mitchell?
You already know former mayor Mike McGinn's feelings about the downtown tunnel. But are you aware of his feelings about Joni Mitchell? catwalker / Shutterstock.com

Did You Listen to Dan Savage, Mike McGinn, Sean Nelson, and Kathleen Richards on the Most Recent Episode of Blabbermouth? The three blabbermouths were on the Stranger podcast blabbing about restaurants going tipless, city hall gossip, and the legacy of Joni Mitchell.

In Serial Comma News, Let's Give a Fuck About an Oxford Comma, Shall We? This one's amazing: