Originally posted on January 30, 2013.

I recently caught my boyfriend watching porn. We have talked about it before, and he said he didn't watch it while he was in a relationship. But when I caught him there with his dick in his hand, I lost it. I have never felt so hurt or betrayed. This is my first serious relationship. I can't get over how sick and sad I feel. It feels like he was cheating on me. Should I be as upset as I am? It was interactive porn—it was like he was cybersexing with one of his ex-girlfriends. What should I do?

Sad And Deceived

My response after the jump...

Was your boyfriend having cybersex with an ex-girlfriend? Or did it only feel like he was? I would make a distinction, SAD, because while all porn constitutes a betrayal of the terms of your relationship, interacting with a stranger and, very likely, a professional online shouldn't feel quite so threatening.

Backing way the hell up: Your boyfriend shouldn't have lied to you, SAD, but you shouldn't have been so naive as to believe him. If you can't bring yourself to forgive him for lying—if you can't put yourself in his shoes and try to understand why he might lie about this (shame, fear, a desire to spare your feelings)—then this relationship is doomed. End it and find a new boyfriend. But when your next boyfriend tells you he doesn't watch porn, you're going to look at him and say, "Suuuuuure, you don't."

Ask your new boyfriend to be discreet and limit his porn consumption to an extent where you're unlikely to uncover any evidence of it, as porn upsets you. If your new boyfriend manages to do that for you, SAD, if he's considerate enough to cover his tracks, you should be considerate enough to turn a blind eye on those rare occasions when you do stumble over evidence that your new boyfriend watches porn—just like your old boyfriend did and all your future boyfriends will.