Originally posted on February 5, 2014

I'm a 30-year-old straight guy 18 months into a relationship with a 30-year-old bi woman. We get along wonderfully and fuck wonderfully. Have you ever tried to see who can out-rim whom? Fun stuff. We want a life together. The snag is that she has a certain dedication to Catholicism and wants us to marry. I'm agnostic on God, but I don't care at all for his earthly representatives; the idea of a priest giving me permission to kiss her is repellent. A secular courthouse wedding isn't much more appealing. I know that a marriage license doesn't automatically come with a dead bedroom, but it seems utterly unnecessary. It's also a binary sort of thing, and thus our go-to solution when we have a conflict—compromise—doesn't work here. I suggested flipping a coin as a sort of probabilistic compromise. She wasn't interested. Breaking up over the details of your future life together seems like a dumb thing for two smart people in love to do, but that's the outcome we're inexorably moving toward.

Running Into No Go

My response after the jump...

If you were my boyfriend, RING, and you told me—right after I had defeated you in a rimming contest—that you would marry me if you lost a coin toss, but not because marriage mattered to me, I would never rim your ass again. Because if my feelings, however contaminated they were by Catholicism, mattered less to you than a coin toss, well, then your ass would have to learn to eat itself.

Maybe it will help if you look at it this way: You've already lost the coin toss. You fell in love with a woman who wants to spend her life with you, and you want to spend the rest of yours with her. And the woman you want to spend the rest of your life rimming wants to marry the man she spends her life rimming. Since you would be willing to marry her if you lost a coin toss, RING, then clearly marriage isn't something you couldn't bring yourself to do. That means you're the one who should compromise.