I have three confessions to make. These are things I did last night and they show how fucked up of an individual (28, gay, male, single) I am.

1. I hooked up with a guy last night off of Craigslist. It was lame; he wasn't cute; I was bored.

2. I came home, went on Tinder (which says I'm looking for an LTR, despite that hook up), saw a guy from the gym but he didn't swipe right and I was inexplicably and suddenly devastated.

3. I went online and sold a pair of my used undies just before bed.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life, Dan. I could really use some advice, even constructive criticism. I'm sure what you have to say won't nearly be as bad as what the voice inside my head is yelling at me right now.

What Is My Life?

1. I hooked up with this dude once and the whole thing happened so fast—and the whole thing was so fucking sleazy—that I had to fish the dude's driver's license out of his wallet when he was in the shower because I couldn't remember his name. And that sleazy hookup led to a relationship so good I wound up marrying sleazy hookup dude twice. So in my experience, WIML, and the experiences of millions of other people who wound up in LTRs with people they fucked the first time they met, hooking up with a dude isn't proof someone isn't looking for an LTR. One underwhelming hookup doesn't make you a hypocrite. Look at it this way: If the dude had been cool, if he was your type, if the sex was amazing, and if he too was looking for an LTR, you could've wound up marrying that dude. Twice.

2. Don't be a fucking baby. Gym dude isn’t into you—just like you weren't into the dude you hooked up with last night. Are you into every dude you see at your gym? No. Do you swipe left on every dude you see on Tinder? No. Do you go home with every dude who hits on you in the bars? No. Last night you got rejected quickly and impersonally—rejection Tinder-style—but you've most likely dished your fair share of rejection too. Being a baby about rejection when you're on the receiving end is a waste of emotional energy and is actually pretty hypocritical. So knock it the fuck off.

3. You made some underpants perv very, very happy, WIML, and you made yourself a little money. Nobody was hurt, everybody came out ahead, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

If you feel out of control, if things/guys/swipes are coming at/in/lefting you too fast, take things a little slower. But one eventful night doesn't an out-of-control sleazebag make.

All that said, MIML, the events of last night made you feel bad enough about yourself to have a little meltdown and write me in an existential panic. So here's what you're going to do differently going forward: you're going to be a bit choosier about who you hookup with, you're going to be a grownup about rejection, and you're not succumb to kink-negative self-shaming the next time you sell a pair of your used underpants to an underpants perv.