Sexual abuse at a Catholic school—you probably think, as I did until late last night, that you've heard every possible way that story could play out. But this is new:

Notre Dame fired a female academic coach amid allegations she coerced young football and basketball players into having sex with her daughter, according to an internal school report obtained by the Daily News.... .. The report notes an accusation made by an African-American student who said they were pressed into having sex with the coach's daughter, who is white. It also references a player on the famed football team who apparently also worked with the academic coach and dated her daughter. On Friday, one of the students sued the school, arguing the tutor orchestrated "sexually and racially motivated" trysts with her daughter by including condoms, transportation and hotel rooms for academic favors.

The female academic coach who pressured black athletes into hooking up with her own kid grilled the athletes for the dirty details after they fucked her daughter—allegedly and stuff—and a lawyer for the athlete suing the university asserts that these conversations included "racially-charged comments" about the "sexual prowess and genitalia" of his client. And it gets creepier:

The student tried to end his relationship with the tutor's daughter, but she then pressured him to convert to Catholicism and recommended he seek mental health counseling. The coach's apparent colleague and friend in the school's psychiatric support allegedly worked in cahoots to "medicate Plaintiff John Doe to keep him passive, cooperative, and under control," the court documents said.

The school, in fine Catholic tradition, dismissed the lawsuit as "unfounded" and "a mere publicity stunt," and then pointed an accusatory, bejeweled finger at the student who filed suit. But the school did fire the academic coach. No word yet on the fate of the "colleague and friend" who allegedly drugged the athlete to keep him quiet and "cooperative." It will be interesting to follow this story as the courts get to the bottom of it—and they will get to the bottom of it. Because Catholic universities, unlike Catholic cardinals, can't escape justice by fleeing to Rome and hiding in the Vatican.

Fun unrelated fact: My great-grandparents were German saloon keepers on the South Side of Chicago before and during prohibition. They sent my grandfather—their only child—to a boarding high school at Notre Dame after Al Capone's gang threatened their lives. And speaking of Catholic sex abuse scandals...

I'm looking forward to seeing Spotlight.