Congratulations to all the nominees selected by me! Rich Smith! Winners receive the hula hoop Im clearly smuggling in my sweater.
Congratulations to all the winners selected by me! Rich Smith! Winners receive the hula hoop I'm clearly smuggling in my sweater. Gramma

It's theater awards season in Seattle, everybody! The Gypsy Rose Lee Awards were just announced, and it looks like a group of theater critics and bloggers think Lizard Boy did a good job this year. Good job, cast and crew of the Lizard Boy!

Back in October the Gregory Awards were announced, and then of course there were the Footlight Awards earlier this month, which happened. It seems as if everybody's got an award except for me. Sure, there's the Stranger Genius Awards later on this year, but that award gives artists $5,000 to spend on whatever they want. I don't have $5,000 to give my winners. All I have is this little blog post and a dream, a dream that maybe one day I, too, will be able to give away a handful of self-serving awards under the guise of fostering community.

But enough of that dream talk, let's get to the winners!

Ital indicates winner

Best Honor System Coffee Stand at which I Displayed the Least Amount of Honor

McCaw Hall
AA meeting at Mt. Zion
Seattle Repertory Theatre

Best Play I Saw Last Week

Disgraced
The Motherfucker with a Hat
A crow carrying a knife in its beak on the internet

Best Actor In a Play I Saw Last Week

Zakiya Young
Moises Castro
Anna Lamadrid

Best Actor Who Wasn't Moises Castro In a Play I Saw Last Week

Meg McLynn
J. Anthony Crane
Nisi Sturgis

Best Public Restroom Situation at a Theater*

12th Ave. Arts
Annex Theatre
ACT Theatre

No winner. All theater bathroom situations reduce people to cows.

Best Pre-Show Dinner

Half a donut that's been sitting out there all day
Bimbos
Vodka

Best Line Overheard at the Theater

"It's not a thing. He's trying to make it a thing, but it's still not a thing."
"Yeah, but did you see Come From Away?"
"Benghazi."

Best Thing I Touched

The tassel end of a tassel
Towel fresh from the dryer
These curtains


Best Plays I Wish I Had Seen But I Can't Be Everywhere at Once, GOD

The Sound of Music
Late-summer moths diving to their neon deaths
Dina Martina's Christmas Show

Best Theater Houses I Wish I Had Attended This Year

The Pocket Theater
The Ballard Underground
ArtsWest

Best Thing I Say To Myself Before Going to Bed

"She's never coming back."
"You could end it all now, but then everyone would know you were poor."
"Benghazi."