I'm a 27-year-old male engaged to a 26-year-old female. We have been together 6 years. We met at college. We've lived together for almost three years. We have been saving to buy a house together. Well, I have been. She makes less than me and has a lot more debt than me. We got pre approved. We found a house, loved it, got the offer in. Offer accepted. Home inspection went well. Now we are at the stage where the bank needs us to sign 60 documents in order to actually get the house.
Last night I found out that she has $90k more debt than I thought—$170k total. I found out this information from the bank's loan application, not from her. I asked her countless times to sort out all of her debt and to figure out who she owes and how much so we can make a plan for a future. Wedding, children, schools, house, etc.. So, I developed a ten year plan to pay off our loans, buy a house, save for children's future. Now with this new debt, we can't pay her stuff off for twenty years.
Her lack of knowledge about her finances comes from laziness and apathy, not malice. She didn't lie on purpose. She simply never bothered to do what she needed to do to make a plan. I'm pissed. I don't know if I want to commit another ten years of my life to paying off her education, especially when now we can't afford a house. I want vacations. I want a car. I want furniture. I want to go out to dinner sometimes. I want a wedding. I want college funds for my children. I don't see any of this happening now. What should I do?
Fiancé Finance Fiasco
What should you do...
You should ask yourself this question: Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this particular woman—despite her debts; despite having to take charge of your shared finances; despite having to wait longer for a house, furnishings, a car, kids, vacations, etc., than you had hoped to—or do you want a house, furnishings, a car, kids, vacations, etc., as quickly as possible and who you share all that game-of-life crap with matters to you less than the timetable you were carrying around in your head?
I suspect you wouldn't be asking yourself what you should do—or asking me what you should do—if you hadn't already settled on an answer. Go ahead and do it.