Though the Iowa caucus is just a few days away, Bernie hasn't forgotten about his amorous, telephonic constituency.
Return-caller Ammon "Mundy" finds himself locked up in county, far away from his beloved wildlife refuge. The feds have confiscated his dildo, "Mr. Chocolate," and so he's forced to use his one phone call to satisfy his needs. Following a heated session with the self-styled militiaman and noted ammosexual, Bane from the Batman universe phones in from his cucumber patch in Australia. Dirty Bernie takes the evil world-destroyer to an Urban Outfitters for a little textile domination before introducing him to le petite mort. Tune in, rub one out, and remember:
You can't spell "socialism" without a little "jism."