Good article, and you;ve made a blog fan. I often tell people who ask that a well-crafted query letter is vitally important. And still, it may all depend on who reads it, at what time of day, and what that person had for lunch.

Love that last line. For that chance, I'll keep writing.

And yet, Twilight is such a stinky pile of crap...

looking forward to more Rejectionist columns!

I know the guy who wrote the management guide whose author is possessed by the spirit of Nikola Tesla. I swear to God. In case you wondered, he's the most narcissistic, creepy-ass closet case you've ever imagined. He quotes his own book in status updates on Facebook, but it's not egocentric because he's not really quoting himself, he's quoting Tesla, see?

I know the guy who wrote the management guide whose author is possessed by the spirit of Nikola Tesla. I swear to God. In case you wondered, he's the most narcissistic, creepy-ass closet case you've ever imagined. He quotes his own book in status updates on Facebook, but it's not egocentric because he's not really quoting himself, he's quoting Tesla, see?

Hmm. Your job sounds like a lot of fun, but you're bitching about it. Maybe you just don't know the difference between comedy and tragedy? Also, if the slush pile is so deep and diverse (if almost uniformly crappy), how come you can only remember about four examples? This is self-indulgence at a whole new level, which is saying something at a paper that employs Mudede, Kelly O, et al.

Written in Papyrus? Don't you mean on?

Hey, this is incredibly inspirational - I'm already firmly into the pile called "Maybe" simply by virtue of not being a raving lunatic. :)

Love the rejectionist & have for many months- thanks stranger/ paul for bringing her here!!
The cracks about 'Steve' are the awesome, too.
See:


"Received fictive effort from different Friend of Friend of Friend of "Steve," containing non-ironic usage of the word "wiener." To refer to his--uh, the "narrator's"--masculine apparatus. In a sex scene. As in: I felt my wiener sti--

You know what, never mind. Just because we had to read it doesn't mean you do. Suffice it to say we are including bill for emotional damages with rejection letter."

Dat's some good shit.

See also:
http://blog.bookviewcafe.com/2009/11/25/…
http://www.elizabethwrites.com/blog/
http://bookendslitagency.blogspot.com/20…
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2009/10/1…
http://www.romancingtheblog.com/blog/200…

Oh. Mylanta. I think I just had an "Erotic Moment" reading this post.

If it takes a million words to become a good writer, then how many million writers' bad words have you read? The answer makes my head hurt.

How many licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

I'm a slush reader for a magazine as well as a writer, and I have to say that, although rather strongly worded, it's pretty accurate.

When you think about it, what kind of people have the time and dedication to finish an entire novel-length work? Madmen, that's who. (And madwomen, of course.) Either you're mad from talent, or simply mad. Since genius is far rarer than insanity, you'll find a few gems in the slush pile, buried under the ravings of the rest.

Normal, healthy, well-adjusted human beings don't have the time or the stomach to write novels.

Nah. We're all driven mad by the pain of a thousand paper cuts inflicted by vile guardians of the kingdom such as yourself, cruel rejectionist, who don't recognize our genius.

On a more serious note, if that's what represents the vast majority of the slushpile, it may just be what America wants to read. By denying reality, you've limited books to a niche market of the (temporarily) sane.

Great post - very funny and unfortunately I suspect all too true.

You note that "these missives...emerge most frequently from placid backwaters and sleepy Midwestern towns, that vast expanse of "the middle" so famously spurned by New Yorkers and left-coasters alike," but then go on to say that they "serve as a sort of representative sampling of the collective unconscious of the American public."

I would like to point out that the vast majority of people in this country live on the coasts, and therefore they (we - since I live there too) represent the American people - not the cutesy, 'real' Americans who live in the heartland, even if they do have a disproportionate impact on the American Presidency. WE are the 'average' Americans and thankfully we are not as homophobic, racist, misogynist, or anti-Semitic as your slush pile might lead you to believe. Unfortunately, it appears that we have not been writing nearly enough manuscripts, or at least not sending them your way. I'll get right on that.

In the meantime, keep up the fight - odds are that you'll find another few gems in there that will make the slog through the pile worthwhile.

Good luck!

Danielle

I can't be the only one who thinks "a 200,000-word epic about a Nazi-­battling rocket scientist" could be a pretty good read if done right.

I can't be the only one who thinks "a 200,000-word epic about a Nazi-­battling rocket scientist" could be a pretty good read if done right.

So, in order to be worthy of publication, a writer has to accept and endorse homosexuality? Socialism? Communism? Thanks so much for being the latest exhibit in the argument for the Liberal minority trying to force their beliefs on the rest of the country.

For Danielle...

83% of Americans are Christian.
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/DailyN…

34.3% Republican, 33.1% Democrat
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_c…

At least this stupid rube knows how to use research to back up a statement. Liberal majority MY ASS.