Columns Aug 26, 2010 at 4:00 am

Control Tower

With Women and Sex, Not Everything Goes—Thankfully

Mistress Matisse
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Comments

1
I wish this column didn't have such a small word limit. There's so much more that should be said here...

Good column, though.
Siruya on August 25, 2010 at 1:51 PM Report this
2
This is a great column, as much an instruction as the answer to a specific question.
If men seem intimidated by women with either no or few LCCs it is because women do not always realize the raw, incredible sexual power they have. Men do not want them to know it either. This is a big reason why going to any dating site is an episode in futility, with women hopelessly overwhelmed by thousands of e-mails from hundreds of men who will never get a response, much less an initiation of contact. Morover, I do not think that either men or women are particularly good at articulating their rules to their potential partners since they are so busy trying to impress them (as well they should)
Danrilor on August 25, 2010 at 10:00 PM Report this
3
Oh yeah, straight men are universally clueless. Even when it's a slow week in the old brain of Matisse, she can still find a few drops in that well.
kitschnsync on August 26, 2010 at 10:24 AM Report this
4
Interesting that use of the word "Thankfully" in the title. I wonder what that really means?
James Early on August 26, 2010 at 12:47 PM Report this
5
Why are LCC's only a female trait? Don't men have them, too?
Leigh Sabio on August 26, 2010 at 4:01 PM Report this
6
I think men have the LCCs... but it seems like the kink and swinging communities really thrive only if women specifically are made to feel comfortable and free of pressure to do stuff. Good point though @5
mixy on August 26, 2010 at 4:34 PM Report this
7
A male LCC was already implied when MM specified "a *straight* man" :). But I expect womens' LCC's are more likely to become explicit issues. Just consider vanilla dating: it's expected that the man approach the woman. So if I'm attracted to woman A (who is not attracted to me) and not attracted to woman B (who is attracted to me), I won't approach B and my limit will never be an issue. But I might approach A, and in that case her limit would become an issue. I imagine that this is redoubled in sex-positive events that admit single straight men. I expect the ratio of men to women at such events is rather unbalanced.
Old Crow on August 26, 2010 at 5:43 PM Report this
8
Right, not to mention walking into a sex positive event does not entitle you to getting whatever you like the way walking in to Costco entitles you to free samples. There is less bullshit and pretense, but you still have to brush your fucking teeth and not be a douche.
anne77 on August 28, 2010 at 7:25 PM Report this
9
It's because stupid straight men (and by no means am I talking about all straight men here) have that slut/nice girl dichotomy drummed into them. So any slut, of course, is into and up for anything...
melbzig on August 30, 2010 at 4:04 AM Report this
10
This column was completely pointless. What happened to Matisse?
DirtyLibertarian on August 30, 2010 at 1:08 PM Report this
11
As I guy I'd like to add a related point: I've never met a guy who didn't also have some limits. And, if any of you do, you might want to avoid sleeping with him...
Geeky Sex on August 31, 2010 at 1:50 PM Report this
12
sorry, i don't know the term LCC, what does it mean?
on August 31, 2010 at 2:21 PM Report this
13
@12 Um, it's explained in the article.

I'm fairly certain this whole LCC thing applies in particular to straight drunk guys. For instance, if I happen to be standing in front of you and talking to you, it does not give you license to touch, kiss, or stick your hand up my dress, especially after I've told you I'm engaged. This is not a contest of "Let's see if I can f*ck her before she gets married" but a clear way of telling you I an NOT interested. If I wanted to f*ck you, I wouldn't be wearing a ring or telling you about it, I would be all over you. See the difference? And yes, I know plenty of straight guys who do not turn into horny a-holes when inebriated, but this is not for them, because they are already in the loop.
on September 1, 2010 at 10:14 AM Report this
14
@kitschnsync Matisse will pretty obviously write almost anything to get a column up to, what, her limit of 500 words? Just be thankful she's not using the tired old bad-email & bad-phone call shticks.....
on September 2, 2010 at 3:46 PM Report this
15
I can so relate to this! In my case, it's when guys find out I'm poly. As sex positive as I am, and as supportive as I am of other people's freedom, my own love life is pretty traditional (except for the part where I love more than one person).

I've had guys think that being poly made me easy and get disappointed when they were not correct. Some guys thought I was "slutty" (whatever that meant to them), and backed off the romantic interest. Then when they got to know me for who I am, realized that they were still interested.
Brie on September 4, 2010 at 11:27 PM Report this

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