I have nothing to say, except... First!

From the sound of it I think the LW is going to find great disappointment when the sister doesn't opt for divorce. I'd like to know how he pulled off living with another woman and still being able to lie about it for three years?

Totally Team Turtlemilk!

WEISSMAN, you're a genius.

I wasn't entirely sure if this was maybe a little bit made-up. I work closely with psychologists, and their standards of professional behavior are quite strict and very clear-cut. This is such out-of-bounds behavior that I was a little skeptical at first. OK, (some of) the rules are: The client/customer has to be clearly identified; the therapy is different depending on who the client is. If the client is the "couple" there can be absolutely no bias on the part of the therapist. If the client is the man, then the LW's sister should get her own therapist. And if this therapist was actually this mean or stupid or biased when the client was the couple (or even if it wasn't), then report him. He will be properly disciplined, believe me. I knew a guy who was suspended from practicing for a year because he paid a teenage patient to wash his car. (Sorry, I forget the details).

LW, back off already. Sheesh.

I'd feel slightly imprisoned, too, if my relationship included an in-law who was all up in our business. That wouldn't fly with me, anyway.

So is the husband moving back in with the sister, or are they getting divorced?

Seems like one of those options exists entirely within IAnon's head.

Yeah, I'm sharing the opinion that there won't be a divorce any time soon. I'm guessing the brother-in-law is sufficiently alpha to pull this off for a while longer.

It sounds to me like the sister and her husband are having some typical problems, and working it out.

But passive / agressive brother never liked the guy and isn't having any of it. Borther needs to back the fuck off, it's not up to him who his sister marries.

And, having said that, it also sounds a lot like brother needs to lay off the crack pipe.

@6/9: i read it as being written by a woman about her sister. why do you think a man wrote it?

Me too. Sounds like a woman who loves her sister.

This must be the therapist Dan Savage thinks people should see. Is this what's called "sex positive" therapy? As in "I'm positive I'm an entitled male and will have sex with whoever I want."

I'm guessing Anon is a woman who has been told by her sister that she's divorcing her husband and Anon is overjoyed that her sister is finally growing some self-esteem and a spine and leaving her turd of a husband. Anon's sister got off easy. Three years of emotional abuse and she gets to walk away free with no encumbrances. She could have been trapped for 18+ years with this guy if they'd had kids. A family friend will be burying a similar Mr Turd after nearly 50 years of crappy treatment. When she was young she was chained to him because of the kids. By time they were old enough to leave home, nobody wanted to hire a middle aged housewife with little work experience. Her story is all too common.

If someone treats you like crap, don't try to work it out and don't have kids or pets with them and never, ever give up your job or your own bank accounts. Run like your hair's on fire and your ass is about to catch.

Yes, the man is always wrong.

This sounds like a therapist who simply heard and validated that he heard the cheater's POV and the cheater was saying he was going to quit and come home (after being caught, kicked out and holing up at his girlfriend's house). The therapist was probably saying that the only way to work it out was to go home, stop seeing the girlfriend (no, you can't be more than friends) and work on it if that's possible. I agree with others that the wife was probably pretty ambivalent in the session because she was happy to hear he wanted her back and was going to leave his girlfriend. However, that'll last about 2 weeks (or less). Been in that exact scenario. Like...exact. She'll be back to trying to catch him cheating (and she will) and the sister will be back to trying to figure out what kind of hold he has on her. It's a cluster but it ain't over. I don't think the sister is out of line or in love with anyone or anything - she doesn't understand how this thing is sooooo fucked up and only sees the side her sister wants her to see. The couple in question are in a dance of their own making and it isn't new to them and it isn't going to stop until one of them gets too exhausted to continue. It doesn't sound like that time has come. Sis can save herself the stress by taking a step back.

@15: When that man is you, yes.

Yes, well, Treehugger, coming from a Lesbian Man Hater, that does not surprise me. Your bias invalidates your opinion.

Holy Cox AZ! You are really an idiot!

Hodor!

Yes, GArdist1, I know it's an asinine statement. But so is the passive/aggressive "I, Anon" diatribe. Clearly the “I, Anon” does not like his/her sister’s husband, but there are hints that sis and her hubby are trying to make it work. I really don’t think that “I, Anon” can be taken at face value, and honestly, his/her sis’s personal relationships are up to sis, who seems to be handling it. “I, Anon” should butt the fuck out.

#21 Ram Rod:

funny how women bristle at the thought that men are as sexually liberated as women are. Women like to think that if men cheat, he's an asshole... but if a woman cheats it's because he's an asshole and a feminine sexuality is somehow sacred.

If the therapist sides with a guy, man the woman must be a furious bitch to endure... Little sister runs to big sis' defense because, of course, she exhibits the same behavior...

Bingo.

@Arthur I didn't say always. I don't think that at all. And I think sex positive therapists are in fact a fine thing especially if they are finding a way for couples to have more sex. With each other. I was being snarky because this therapist sounds like a douche. 45 minutes? And sis looks out for sis because they are sisters and obviously husband isn't looking out for sis. The implication she doesn't deserve someone on her side even her own sister regardless of whatever she might have done wrong is fucking lame. And I agree they are probably working it out their own way, and totally don't think she's perfectly innocent either. But none of that makes me think the therapist isn't a fucking douche. And I don't think all men are entitled. I know enough people to know entitlement is not gender specific. I just think this guy is entitled. But you seem very biased yourself so what I say probably isn't going to matter anyways.

@ramrod and Arthur: and not saying she's not a "furious bitch to endure" she very well could be, but then why's he going back? He apparently has a gf to live with. And also, women blame men for their cheating, but I know you both realize "she imprisoned him" as an excuse is fucking ridiculous.
People blame the person they cheated on for cheating. Gender has nothing to do with it.