Columns Apr 23, 2014 at 4:00 am

Widow on the Warpath

Comments

1
Well, it sounds like Anon is still at the Anger stage of Kübler-Ross.
2
I was at the anger stage for about two years after my spouse died unexpectedly. It takes a while, especially when you're dealing with not only your grief but random crap related to the death, as she apparently is.
3
Yikes.

(For what it's worth, I can imagine myself being at the anger stage for a really long time, too. For me, anger is a waaaay easier emotion to deal with than any of the others on the Kubler-Ross.)
4
Call me.
5
Amen sister! Hell hath no furry...

Condolences for the loss and subsequent shitstorm, but half glad to know that it is not just me who is engulfed in a confederacy of dunces here in Seattle. I've never seen so many self absorbed sociopaths in one place.
6
Geez. And I thought weddings were getting tacky. People usually bring flowers to funerals.... a T-shirt????
7
He didn't fall off the cliff. He jumped.
8
opinions on what she says or how she feels or how people treated her aside... I found this really sobering. do YOU have a will? most people I know do NOT. people I know with KIDS do not. I do not, and I horrify myself that I haven't gotten around to taking care of that.

a place to start: http://getyourshittogether.org/
9
I thought that a spouse had to consent to assigning death benefits to a non-spouse; that is, unless she agreed on the life insurance to allow husband to leave benefits to son, they would revert to wife.

Thought the last bit about fucking the best friend was a bit much, though.
11
You are always amazing & your strength is staggering. So much love to you.
12
She was fucking the friend while the husband was still alive, too. And she never loved him. Or his son.
13
No, no don't call him, call me!
14
Sounds like he jumped off the cliff to avoid his whiny twat of a wife. Good grief.
15
Typical female. Her life is in the crapper and she blames everyone - including her dead husband when she could had just as well taken some individual initiative long ago to protect herself in the event of an emergency. Next she'll be blaming her parents for allowing her to play with Barbie in her Barbie Dreamhouse!
16
Divorce is very similar, in the ways people respond. I was angry for about 3 years, still am, on some level. I wanted to kill that ****.

People are assholes when it comes to divorce or death, family do stupid things, fight over money, etc, coworkers say stupid things, friends freak out and leave, but none of us really know until we've been through it, what to say, what not to say.
Hopefully you have enough good friends and family that you can get through this. Sounds like he at least had a great best friend.. ;-)
17
You're the type of person who would go out and fuck your dead husband's best friend out of anger that he left his money to his blood kin instead of you. No wonder he chose not to leave anything to you.
18
treehugger nailed it! If I was your husband I would have jumped too, but not before I pushed you off first.
19
@7 - you beat me too it. Yikes, the guy is better off.
20
Every life insurance policy I have ever taken out included a notice to the effect that if I assigned anyone other than my legal spouse as the primary beneficiary, the spouse would be notified, and the spouse had to agree.

The notice seemed to imply that if I lied and said I didn't have a legal spouse, or if I acquired a legal spouse after taking out the policy, that said spouse could easily claim the insurance despite my designation.

My suspicion is that the angry widow signed all of those insurance notifications without thinking about it, or she never asked the lawyer that I hope she consulted when the ex sued her, about anything else...
21
It really is important to have a will and keep it updated every year or two as your children grow up and your friends come and go. Probate is hard enough without having to deal with all these extra problems.
22
@17 no will means not leaving anything to anyone. Being the beneficiary of life insurance has no impact on everything else in the estate. He didn't leave "his" money to anyone, just the proceeds of his insurance policy.

It is fucked up but she shares responsibility for them not having wills.
23
re: the insurance - I was assuming the policy was taken out before the guy married his 2nd wife. Is there any provision of notification regarding policies already in place prior to a marriage?
24
kee-rist. i think he jumped off the fucking cliff to get away from you.
25
@12,

Why should she love his son?

Having been on the other side of that, with my father leaving everything to his wife of four years and nothing to us kids who had to put up with his shit for 25-40 years, good on this guy for looking out for his minor child who actually needs the money. The ex-wife is a lazy bitch but the widow isn't? Balls.
26
That was pretty epic. I don't blame her for being angry as part of grieving and it seems entirely reasonable to be extra pissed because she's left with the crap (ex-wife lawsuit, etc.) but not the upsides (life insurance policy).

@10 - thanks for the link...it is time for me to go get somethings changed/updated!
27
@5, agreed. I've lived in towns with a lot of self-interested people. But in Seattle, they also bitch and complain - not only do they not give a shit about anyone else, they expect everyone else to care about their shit. Horrible combination.
28
Things like this make me fantasize about reworking large swaths of Home Economics and Health classes into a mandatory for graduation "Holy Shit! We're Going To Start Expecting You To Be An Adult!" class.

Clearly a section on basic estate planning would be required.
29
I don't understand how some people get to act like jerks because something bad happens to them. If I were the teenage soon I'd be delivering a closed fist punch in the face of ol step mom. You blame someone for dying yet you don't blame yourself for not taking care of your own future and assumed someone else world do it for you? Cry me a ducking river. Something tells me you won't end up homeless despite being essentially completely helpless.
30
Dude, I think this is just as appropriate a way to deal with shit as any. Let her be pissed and deal with it in time. I think this anon is fucking rad. All of you "why didn't you take care of your own future" assholes are bunch of non-empathetic, unrealistic, "you should've" types. "You should've" is such a bullshit attitude BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED. All we can do is deal with the current reality presenting itself to us, and you're a dick for suggesting she do something about the wholly unchangeable past. We are where we are, okay?

YOU GO, ANON! BE ANGRY AND HAVE GREAT SEX AND LOVE YOUR LIFE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
31
@27 & @30 totally get it.

@7, @14, @15, @17, @18, @19, @24, @29 prove my point about sociopaths.
32
@30 My thoughts exactly! Well put!
33
#7 and #14: Hahaha! I totally agree! If I had to spend even three minutes with this douche-bag I would gladly leap off a cliff, stab myself with a rusty farm implement, put my head in a gas oven, run out into traffic, etc. Damn, but this bitch is whiny!
34
Somewhat reminds me of a more aggressive version of the movie, "Blue."
35
Are you this woman?

http://seattletimes.com/html/nationworld…
36
Probably he left his life insurance to his kid because he wanted to make sure the kid got it, not the lazy mom or the step-mom.

My 28 year old wife died unexpectedly and it took years to work through it to a point where I felt normal. I also fucked one of her best friends, but I wasn't proud of it.
37
#30 FTW.
38
He fell off an icy cliff climbing solo. He was irresponsible, that Microsoft Theory Researcher. So much info in this one that I know exactly who it's about.
39
@31: Cool story, random internet poster.
40
We can only guess, Raging Widow, that your family and friends are really, really sick of your drama.
41
Best Anon in a long time!
42
Can I fuck you too?
43
I'm a lawyer barred in multiple states....so I will attempt to clear up some confusion.

And this folks, is why you have a will and you hire a competent atty who specializes in estate planning. Don't write it yourselves, don't hire a discount lawyer, don't do it piecemeal.

Life insurance is non probate. It does not pass by will. Only beneficiary designation. As a general rule, if it has a beneficiary designation, it won't see a probate court and cannot pass by will.

Life insurance varies by state law. In many states, spousal consent is not necessary. If it is in your state, then great for your spouse, but this isn't universal law.

The only universal that spouses can't give to non spouses are certain retirement benefits earned in marriage and certain veterans benefits.

In re first wife, if she's the mother of the teenaged son or has any minor children by dead husband or was owed back child support or had provisions in the divorce that she had rights.....she had every right to sue to get her kids share of their fathers estate or what was promised to her in the divorce.

If that's so, you're a selfish bitch, OP. He wasn't just your husband. He was a father to the kids w his first wife.

In re the money to the teenaged son, it will be out in a trust or held by a custodian. He isn't going to be given the cash outright. Google Uniform Gifts to Minors Act.

You're just mad he died and didn't have his legal or financial house in order. The rest is very misdirected anger.

44
@20 Do you live in a community property state? Most of those have these provisions.
45
@30 rad. All of you "why didn't you take care of your own future" assholes are bunch of non-empathetic, unrealistic, "you should've" types.

Except she's pissed at a teenage boy who is innocent in this and has lost a father....and an ex wife with a legitimate reason to ask for money. Her husbands kids from the first wife are morally and legally entitled to a share. His ex wasn't suing for greed but because of her kids....that's the only way she came into court validly.

So, yeah, this woman has a lot of unproductive anger that can hurt her kids and her step kids.
46
@43: You are not a lawyer, you are a crazy person.

Please wait...

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