Dear people who ride around on those stupid Segway things: In a word— WHY? In two words—FUCKING WHY? Because, really, it appears to me as though you have two legs that are perfectly capable of being placed in front of each other, one at a time, until you reach your destination. Yes, I did roll my eyes at you, dude-on-one-of-those-stupid-fucking-things. Can I send you a video of how stupid you look? Please? You're a half step away from those useless blob humans in Wall-E. JUST FUCKING WALK.