One of the great regrets of my life is that I look like an idiot wearing a hat. I JUST DON'T LOOK GOOD IN THEM!! And believe you me, I've tried on every type of hat: fedora hats, beret hats, porkpie hats, derby hats, cowboy hats, top hats, baseball hats, fez hats, pillbox hats, turban hats, Viking hats... but no matter what hat I try on, I look like the most awful a-hole on the planet. But the good news is, you look dumb in hats, too. In fact, you look nearly as bad as I do—but no one wants to say it to your face because they're afraid someone will tell them they look terrible in hats. (Which they do.)
The only person in the world who doesn't look terrible in a hat? Raylan Givens from the series Justified—which sadly concludes this week (FX, Tues April 14, 10 pm). NOOOOO!!! Guys, I LOVE me some Justified, which is one of the best unsung series on television. Why? TWO REASONS: (a) Justified is a great modern TV western (even though it's set in Kentucky... more on that later), and (b) Raylan Givens's hat. In the show, Raylan (played to near-perfection by Timothy Olyphant) is a US marshal who's stationed in the hillbilly haven of Harlan County, Kentucky, and insists on wearing a Stetson—the classic American cowboy hat.
Now it should be noted that on Timothy Olyphant, a Stetson looks like it was genetically modified to sit perfectly on his head. Conversely, when I try on a Stetson, it immediately shape-shifts into one of those really tall idiot hats that Pharrell wears. (Seriously, Pharrell... STOP IT.) Anyway, that gorgeous Stetson has become an essential character in the series—looking fantastic but also grounding Justified in the tropes of western movie classics.
Here are the basics: Based on a character in a short story by Elmore Leonard, Raylan is born and raised in Harlan, but escapes the coal mines to become a US marshal in Miami, where he becomes famous for his fugitive-catching ability and quick-draw shooting style. After one particularly controversial shooting, Raylan is transferred (read: condemned) to Harlan—but as it turns out, his in-depth knowledge of the area and hillbilly citizenry make him particularly adept at his job... which sometimes includes shooting people. (But he's always polite about it, so there's that!)
However! While Raylan's laconic, stone-cold demeanor goes a long way, Justified is a next-level show thanks to its amazing cast. In particular, there's Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins, who is sooooo good), a childhood pal of Raylan who goes wildly astray, starting out as a white supremacist bank robber who eventually turns to religion and, later, the drug trade. Distorted mirror images of each other, Raylan and Boyd have been crossing the double yellow lines of morality since the beginning (working against and with each other)—but in this, the sixth and final season, there's only one destination where this highway can end: a series-ending showdown.
So don't just sit there! Binge-watch all six seasons of Justified—because after Raylan Givens is gone, no one (especially ME) will ever wear that hat again. 
9:00 VH1 WALK OF SHAME SHUTTLE
One-night stands get driven home by comedians, and hilarity ensues!
10:00 FX THE AMERICANS
Philip and Elizabeth dream up a new, creative way of screwing over the CIA.
THURSDAY, APRIL 2
10:00 SYFY OLYMPUS
Debut! Like Game of Thrones except with Greek gods!
10:00 FX ARCHER
Season finale! Archer finds himself in deep poop in this parody of Fantastic Voyage.
FRIDAY, APRIL 3
9:00 VH1 BACKSTREET BOYS: SHOW ’EM WHAT YOU’RE MADE OF
A documentary following what the Backstreet Boys have been up to for the last two years. (Probably not much, but who cares? SQUEEEEE!!)
SATURDAY, APRIL 4
9:00 STARZ OUTLANDER
Season premiere! The addictive return of this sexy Scottish Highland time-traveling romance!
SUNDAY, APRIL 5
10:00 AMC MAD MEN
Season premiere! The seventh and FINAL season debuts… in the swinging ’70s!
10:00 NBC AMERICAN ODYSSEY
Debut! In this “rah-rah America” drama, a female soldier tries to escape al-Qaeda territory and return to her family.
MONDAY, APRIL 6
8:00 HBO SINATRA: ALL OR NOTHING AT ALL
Part two of the documentary about the life (and sexy loves) of Frank Sinatra!
10:00 AMC BETTER CALL SAUL
Season finale! Jimmy’s neck-deep in trouble, and makes a life-changing decision.
TUESDAY, APRIL 7
9:00 CW IZOMBIE
When Clive refuses Liv’s help on a case, she wonders, “Is it because I eat brains?”
10:00 FX JUSTIFIED
Raylan and Boyd search for Ava in the mountains. (Scary hillbilly alert!)
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