Columns Feb 17, 2016 at 4:00 am

From the Desk of Justice Antonin Scalia, Deceased

I Was All Wrong About Sucking Cocks. It's FANTASTIC!

Antonin Scalia
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Comments

1
Wow The Stranger sure is showing their intolerance. Two wrongs do not make a right. You may have disagreed with Justice Antonin, but your lack of respect and your childish glee are extremely uncalled for. The Stranger needs to fucking grow up.
scandaloua on February 16, 2016 at 11:16 PM Report this
2
what a load of jiggery-pokery.
Max Solomon on February 17, 2016 at 2:27 PM Report this
3
I, like you, hated Scalia with a passion, and will happily piss on his grave. That being said, I feel this went over the line.
sperifera on February 17, 2016 at 2:38 PM Report this
4
@ All, I think of all the gay teenagers who killed themselves over the years by the bullying assholes like Scalia helped perpetrate and think this was really quite polite.
Cato the Younger Younger on February 17, 2016 at 2:44 PM Report this
5
What the fuck
RentBoy on February 17, 2016 at 3:01 PM Report this
6
@1, 3: Welcome to the Stranger! They do this sort of thing all the time, primarily (though not exclusively) to those they disagree with, or, as Cato pointed out, those responsible for the misery of others.
Knat on February 17, 2016 at 3:11 PM Report this
7
Sorry, but... Alas, like most religious beliefs, hell is quite imaginary, other than when it's visited on the living world by shitheads like Scalia. I can't wish for Scalia to burn for eternity in a place that doesn't exist. Even if he believed it exists and we believe he belongs there, the only place he's going to burn is a crematorium, and failing that, the only place he's going to rot is the ground.

All I can do is wish the worms bon appetit -- enjoy that oleaginous fat bastard to the last greasy drop. Oh, and may the creepy twerps of Skull and Bones steal his skull and defile it regularly.
Brooklyn Reader on February 17, 2016 at 3:15 PM Report this
8
@4 - Sure, in another publication perhaps. But The Stranger can't be "The Onion" and "Seattle's only newspaper" and be taken seriously -- but just like Donald Trump - they really don't care.
raindrop on February 17, 2016 at 3:22 PM Report this
9
High-fucking-larious.

As far as crossing lines & whatnot: you reap what you sow.
this guy I know in Spokane on February 17, 2016 at 3:23 PM Report this
10
Why are Malcolm X and David Bowie in hell?
Did the Stranger just outsource their humor department to teh UW Daily?
So bad.
Ignatz Mouse on February 17, 2016 at 3:23 PM Report this
11
And the fact that he died after an all night, meth-fueled fuckfest with a donkey makes this letter all the more bittersweet. Did he even make sure that donkey was a gun owner AND one of Gawd's own RepubliKKKans? No wonder heez a'fryin' in hayell.
Original Andrew on February 17, 2016 at 3:24 PM Report this
12
@10 because they weren't Mormon
chokes on February 17, 2016 at 3:45 PM Report this
13
Thanks @12.
But why is Bowie fucking Anton? I met the guy once and, if you could say one thing about him, David had standards.
Weird sophmoric homophobe joke there, right?
Ignatz Mouse on February 17, 2016 at 3:56 PM Report this
14
wew lad
venomlash on February 17, 2016 at 4:05 PM Report this
15
You're gonna get letters. :-)
NotYourStrawMan on February 17, 2016 at 4:31 PM Report this
16
@6 - Yeah, I know. I've been around a while. And had they not involved Malcomb X, Gandhi, and Bowie, you and I wouldn't be having this pleasant conversation. Desecrate the name of Scalia all you want, leave the good ones out of it.
sperifera on February 17, 2016 at 4:46 PM Report this
17
Mormons don't really believe in Hell, or at least anything like the one in Southpark with lakes of fire. Mostly, you're not allowed near God and the Mormons. Instead, you have to hang out with the drinkers, pot smokers, and fornicators. So, mostly a win-win.
ScruffyBallardMan on February 17, 2016 at 5:12 PM Report this
18
I thought Lutheranism was God's fave. http://snltranscripts.jt.org/86/86qheave…

Yeah, South Park's Hell has Saddam's huge erect penis in it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AS-ts5_n…
Sandiai on February 17, 2016 at 9:10 PM Report this
19
@1
Writing about Hell has generally been much less about any type of fairness and more about expressing your opinion about your opponents and/or enemies...Dante, in particular, had a lot to say about the afterlives of his enemies, banishment will do that.

Gerald Fnord on February 17, 2016 at 10:17 PM Report this
20
@17
Am I correct in thinking that the scheme, basically ripped-off from Swedenborg, involves temporary punishment, then at worst Outer Darkness, which I remember as being reserved for apostate Mormons.
Gerald Fnord on February 17, 2016 at 10:44 PM Report this
22
@16: Ah, it was the inclusion of Bowie, Gandhi, et al that pushed it over the line for you. I see.

And yes, I know you've been around for a while. I was merely having some fun, while trying to stem the faux outrage that seemed to be building already.
Knat on February 17, 2016 at 11:32 PM Report this
23
I quite enjoyed this. And no, it didn't cross any lines. Fuck Scalia, fuck him a thousand times with David Bowie's dick!
dlauri on February 18, 2016 at 7:44 AM Report this
24
Jokes about David Bowie in hell: no.
mai naim hear on February 18, 2016 at 8:32 AM Report this
25
Put Bowie in Hell, if only to make a point about the nastiness of the doctrine, but don't subject him even notionally to proximity with Scalia.
Gerald Fnord on February 18, 2016 at 10:11 AM Report this
26
You're wrong about the lake of fire. Scalia is in the lake of boiling pitch, which is reserved for corrupt politicians.

And for you hand-wringers out there who feel that anything negative against Scalia is "disrespectful," I remind you that the image of him naked and tortured for eternity is from Scalia's own morality. The same moral code he wanted to inflict upon everyone else. But if you don't like this, don't bitch about it to people on the Slog: light candles and pray to your patron saints for intercession.

He would have wanted it that way.
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on February 18, 2016 at 3:49 PM Report this
27
26, I would like to take this opportunity to say I like you. I like this post, your last post, & that Rakim by Dead Can Dance will play at your funeral. What a song.
The Empty Yellow Houses of Fort Lawton on February 18, 2016 at 4:35 PM Report this
28
Whomever the stranger that perpetrated this article was so envious of Scalia that they probably will never make it in life because they are so worthless that they set up people they feel inferior to to gain control of their estate with assassination because it isn't dirty Abraham of bastardnomics and whores are us. Obviously to terrified to say who they really are hiding from the reality of facing up to confessing the murder to gain control of estate like every prostitutes desire.
scary on February 18, 2016 at 5:01 PM Report this
29
@28
I believe that you and Mr Francis E. Dec have much about which to speak....
Gerald Fnord on February 18, 2016 at 5:17 PM Report this
30
Bowie and Gandhi and Malcolm probably appear in Hell as someone else's punishment, not for anything THEY did.

Perhaps they were there to punish Scalia himself(in Bowie's case, by gently discrediting Scalia's homophobia).

And, in any case, eternal torment is a form of "originalism".
AlaskanbutnotSeanParnell on February 18, 2016 at 6:33 PM Report this
31
@7. OMG!! Your post is too funny, thank you!
jesgal on February 18, 2016 at 9:00 PM Report this
32
@28, Honey you need to see your psychiatrist about some changes to your mediation.

@29, oh to listen...
http://www.bentoandstarchky.com/dec/astr…
Sandiai on February 18, 2016 at 11:24 PM Report this
33
Bowie didn't go to hell! :'( Surely you mistook Kanye for him.
Chandira on February 19, 2016 at 3:26 PM Report this
34
The Stranger is obviously staffed by a team of magically animated human dog turds.
Android Vassel on February 23, 2016 at 1:30 PM Report this

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