Columns Oct 25, 2007 at 4:00 am

The Girly Boy

Comments

1
Lots of little boys like to play dress up - and lots of little boys have fathers who have heart attacks when lovely bisexual teenage girls paint their son's nails at his request.

*innocent*

I disagree that 1) children's sexual orientations are so easy to spot at the age of five, when maybe they just notice that dresses are WAY prettier than fireman outfits and 2) we should be trying to guess children's sexual orientations that early on anyway.

Yes, support the child in every way possible. More little boys should watch musicals anyway. But please don't call it a sexual orientation when he's FIVE...
2
RE: Aunt Mame,

Growing up my sister and I had a friend that lived across the street from us. We both knew he was a girly boy. Our Moms let us play together without restriction. My sister and I would come over with our dolls and my little ponies and play at his house. Especially when his Mom was home. When his father was home my friend would lead the play toward building with Legos. When he came over to our house, it was like he was in heaven with the combined wealth of girly things of two little girls.

The issues came when we became pre-teens and his Mom died after a long, painful battle with breast cancer. He was left alone with his father. My sister and I would be a supportive as possible. We were all preteens, who had no idea how to deal with depressed and suicidal friend, with identity issues. We did our best. All we could do was be there for him. We never told his father what we thought. Even to our detriment, we never told our parents of what was going on. (Our father thought my sister and I were secretly having sex, in-turn, with him).

We would just be there for him. When he ran away from home to our house down the street to have me make him a bowl of ramen noodle and hot chocolate. It just tasted better at our house.

When they moved away, as military families do, things got darker for my friend. He had a long battle with his father. Later, I don't know if liking men or that he just liked all things female was the issue in all this discord, but he decided to make the life change and became a woman.

My Mom told me and my sister about our friend's life change. She was rather dissappointed that we were not shocked at the scandal as she was.

I know he is living a happier life now. Just the amount of pain and suffering that went on was heart breaking. We lived in a difficult sitution where there is little or no support to bond forming. It makes a big difference in the health of someone who is having these questions about themselves to have people who they know love them for not matter what. Even if it is hiding the issue.

You are being there for your nephew and that's all that counts. If it is not a phase, he will come to a cross road where you being in his life may make a world of difference.
3
Wow, what a moving and poignant story, TQ. Thanks for sharing.
4
Like the post above, I (female) also grew up with one younger sister. We lived next door to a "girly boy", his older sister, and their grandparents. They moved in when Mikey was 8, after being taken away from a crack-addicted mother. His sister was 10, my sister was 9, and I was 14; much older than them.
Regardless of age, we spent every day at each others' houses, even holidays, and knew each others' extended families quite well. I refer to them even now as my siblings.
The minute I met Mikey I knew he was gay. 100%. My younger sister knew the overall idea because of me but did not know specifics. At 14, I already had gay friends and understood the sensitivity; and so said nothing.
Years later, Mikey has said to me (I do not remember the conversation at all), that I changed the course of his life forever.
I guess, that when he was 12, he spoke to me in private. He told me that he had been being bullied in school; even had kids physically assaulting him. He asked me what "gay" meant (this was before the internet was accessible by everyone- 2000.) He says I told him:
"When a boy loves another boy or a girl loves another girl. And there is nothing wrong with it and nothing bad and nothing weird."
He said: "Then I think I am gay."
"Well, yeah, I know that." He says he was surprised and then just relaxed. People at school had been making fun of him, saying he was a girl.
"Do you feel like you are a girl? Like, inside, like you're in the wrong body?"
"No, I feel like a boy."
"Then you're a gay boy." Then we practiced punching and headbutting and he hit the bullies and they left him alone.
Besides that; at 16 he came out to everyone. My sister texted to tell me and I sent him a message asking why he didn't tell me; which is when he told me I was the first and only person he had come out to in 4 years. Later he told me the rest.
The reason his coming to me, he said, was because when I initially met him (I don't remember) I asked him if he was gay, and he didn't know what that meant so I dropped it. After, my sister, and my family, so fully accepted him he felt safest confiding in my acceptance and younger person knowledge.
When he told his grandparents, his grandma cried and his grandpa literally did not speak to him at all for 2 weeks. But they loved him. Soon after, his older sister was pregnant at 17, with a vanished baby daddy, living off of them. Now, Mikey is 20, at college, on his way to a nursing degree. His sister is 22; lives off her poor grandparents; has 2 children with no fathers, and works at CVS.
They were upset for all of two weeks when he said he was gay. He totally the favorite now.
I suppose my long point is, there can/will be far, far more disappointing things children will do (to their parents), than being gay. It may just take a while for the parents to see that. Meanwhile, they will need a loving, accepting confidant from as early in life as possible.

Please wait...

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