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I vote for gay anal sex with a condom. Just makes so much more sense! We should find a different name for the "virgins".
Great response to JON. I hope he listens to you. In fact I hope everyone no matter their sexual orientation listens to you. Pressuring for sex isn't sex its abuse.
LIMP needs to remove the blinders and become an unselfish, REAL man!
I know a women who, before she had ever used a vibrator, could cum from intercourse and now, after getting used to a vibrator (Hitachi Magic Wand) she can't.
What about that situation? And what does the women do if she wants to return to being able to have orgasmic sex on camping trips and so on?
What is going on? Is it re-calibrating the sensitivity of the clit?
Once again, Dan finds a way to attack the straight-white-male in the situation, as he always does, instead of attacking the question.
Regarding Dan's advice, not bad either.
Also, Xian buttseks is THE definition.
The irony will be lost on them surely. I think the support for the definition does not really stem from an intent to insult Warren but merely a smug, egotistical attempt to bask in that dramatic irony, as well as to expand the targets beyond Warren which is really quite unnecessary.
I don't really have respect for that, at all.
I'm sure Warren might even support the definition.
If you're courageous enough to insult Warren and have him feel that insult, the very presence of the words "gay" and "condom" in the other definition should do it.
It is also possible among women, especially young ones, to believe they've orgasmed when they have not. There isn't a clear physical sign for female orgasm as there is for male (i.e, you guys ejaculate; we don't). I was sexually active for three years before I had an orgasm, and while I enjoyed intercourse, I didn't realize that I wasn't actually getting off on it. Once you've had one for real, it's a hard thing to give up, and a woman's partner should respect that. While she has a responsibility to see to his needs, he also needs to see to hers, and if a vibrator will help LIMP's wife to fully enjoy sex, becoming comfortable with using it to please her is not an unreasonable demand.
Also, about this:
"Once again, Dan finds a way to attack the straight-white-male in the situation, as he always does, instead of attacking the question."
What part of LIMP's e-mail signaled to you that he's white?
Ladies, why do we stay with guys we HOPE will change? AAARGH!
Anyone know how well a vibrator would go over in carryon luggage at an airport? What about one of those that is disguised as something else (like liptstick)?
If it were a woman (who's not in a dom/sub relationship) denying her husband something simple and safe which was the only way he got off in bed Dan would be smacking the woman for not being GGG. As he should.
But WTF, why would a woman marry such a selfish insecure clown?! DTMFA is a whole lot easier when courts don't get involved.
Isn't having sex WITH a condom a POSITIVE thing? As such, I really don't think it's suited to the term 'saddlebacking'!!
Whether women ejaculate or not is debatable. Unfortunately, there have been very few studies concerning female sexuality.
Personally, I have experienced it and I've had three lovers that have ejaculated all over me a number of times. And it was not urine nor lubrication...more watery.
Hope you experience it someday...lol.
Just take the batteries out before you pack the thing. If it gets turned on somehow, you bet your boots someone will be checking for the buzzing sound.
am i the only one who's creeped out who found "not limp's" "thoughtfully pre-warmed" phrase totally creepy?
If you Google "traveling with sex toys," you can find a couple different good articles on the topic.
Good advice as usual
As for my comment - it was just that, a comment. If there is a way to insult a straight-male, Dan does it...the "white" part was just another semiot in the list...its just a type...there was nothing in the letter about being white....
But, my comment is my comment - if there is a straight man, or a straight white man, mentioned anywhere in a letter to Dan, he finds a way to attack that person - even if they are just a tangent in the story.
And, yes, there are vibrators that run on batteries, but anyone suggesting that has never tried the Magic Wand, clearly...
Every woman's different. Some cum in a lot of ways, others don't. I've heard that you can retrain yourself into cuming without a vibe if you used to be able to beforehand, just by not using it for weeks then masturbating when the sexual tension's just too high. If you're like me, though, experiment with other stimulation but don't expect more. A lot of women get angry at their bodies when they can't come the 'right' way- whether it's non-vibe clitoral stimulation or PIV sex or whatever. If you try to get rid of those expectations and just have fun then it's actually more likely that you'll cum. If not, at least you're having a good time!
Sex should be mutually satisfying and if one partner's not trying then he/she needs to learn some respect for their partner.
LIMP needs to sack up. What a schlub. "Ooooh so scary - a SEX TOY in bed!" I'm surprised, Dan, that you didn't drop the "I wonder how many of your ex's were faking" trip on him.
At certain times of the month its not as easy to come during intercourse. And its more complicated with a partner because for me, sex is also emotionally charged. Feminist theories aside, I try but I can't help it. Any little thing the guy does can become really offputting and if you're not atune to each other or your own body, it all leads to frustation-ville, population: you. Ug, guys, you have no idea how easy you've got it.
Thanks, Dan, for letting LIMP know that he's being a ridiculous wimp!
"Penis-only" has never done it for me. When I have been close a sigh or comments like "get it ! get it!" just kill it for me.
You may enjoy my orgasm but just remember that it is for me...whatever it takes.
I agree with some of the posts here that say that it is good to explore alternate methods (hands, tongue, etc.) to achieve orgasm, but if after two years she still needs the vibe, so be it. There are worse problems (if one even wants to call this a problem, which I do not think I would unless the wife is unhappy about it) to have.
And as for saddleback--go #5!
I'm changing my vote to this one. Hypocritical Cristian Closet Case. Perfect.
Also suggested they not say they were virgins as too many guys just want to be "first"- just say you aren't into getting it up the ass- if they can't deal then they aren't very sexually imaginative anyway. Keep up the good work and I hope you don't get a bunch of comments saying you are not "sex positive" or following the het model- a cherry is a terrible thing to waste! Ron
Then I saw a stand-up comedian whose routine included a gag, the gist of which was "Why do women fake orgasms? Who cares?!"
I haven't faked a single orgasm for 15 years but I am sad about the time I wasted pretending. Never confessed to any of the partners that I faked and, if they could tell that I was, no one was saying.
The available research seems to suggest that at least 70% of women cannot come from penetration alone and for lots of those, a vibrator is the easiest and most satisfactory way to get the necessary clitoral stimulation.
As it happens I am not that fond of vibrators - tends to be one bang for my buck out of them before I get bored and the returns diminish dramatically to 'nyah'; hitachi magic included.
This does not make me a white-man-hating radical, Psilly. It does make me a 40 year old woman having the kind of mind-blowing sex that I dreamed about in my 20s.
Sex without climax is a pale frustrating shadow of sex with, why would you want to inflict that on your partner?
I read up and bought my wife the Hitachi Magic Wand (and pretty much every other sex toy we own) early on in our marriage. Especially after having kids it is hard for her to come without direct stimulation.
Side benefit is that while she's buzzing herself I can do whatever I want with the rest of her body and be a bit more selfish (not quite the right word) about my pleasure instead of worrying if I'm doing it right.
T.K.U.
Get it? Get it?
Before our son was born, I would cum multiple times from penetration alone, but until he started nursing less I could NOT come w/o continuous, direct stimulation- either the showerhead or a vibe. It was awful- I thought I was broken forever! Thankfully my husband was happy to do whatever it took for me to enjoy sex (and his GGG-ness was probably more helpful then the vibe itself at helping me cum), and once baby was eating more solids I was back to my former vixen self. In all the lit I'd read about being ready for baby, this was never mentioned as a possibility!
Also, it's true that lots of young women think they've come when they haven't- I had thought the same thing. In hindsight, what I thought was the O was merely the buildup- it felt good, but I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. That said, my now-husband damn near had to scrape me off the ceiling after our first time... it was like suddenly being able to see the world in color. In other words, if you have to ask, she probably didn't come.
So yes, the female O is an amazing thing- and a truly good lover appreciates that bringing a woman to climax is an art form. Too bad more men don't have the patience or self-confidence to learn...
Oh, and Xtian butsecks for the win.
My pre-op MTF girlfriend doesn't feel threatened when I have to use a vibrator while we're having sex. She understands that it's the only way I can have 110% enjoyment, rather than the 100% I get without it.
Plus, an orgasm with a vibrator by myself is not anywhere near as enjoyable as one with a vibrator and my girl. She's still very much an important part of the equation.
"If you really loved me" is boy code for "I'm not thinking of your feelings, only mine." By the way, JON could remind his partner that HIV isn't the only STD he's worried about. If the date won't compromise, it's time for JON to DTMFA. There are lots of hot guys out there.
Do you want to advise people or is your column like reality TV: tune in and feel superior to the folks who put themselves out there to be humiliated. I don't believe you intend it that way. Of course it's great that you are so frank with people. And as I said your advice is very good. It's just that your delivery style can make me cringe.
Plus, there's a selfish reason, too: because she is pretty much guaranteed satisfaction she's given me the go to do basically indulge all of my kinks. Win-win!
President Obama has said that we must overcome our partisan grudges and work together. Surely, having Mr. Warren deliver the inaugural benediction was an example of this spirit.
I am a lifelong resident of western Pennsylvania, and when something so universally disgusting as santorun was named after someone so personally disgusting as Rick, I cheered, I jeered, but this is provocation, this is the mere sticking out of tongues.
There is nothing disgusting about anal sex (except for the occasional avoidable santorum.) All may partake, giving and receiving; it is the most democratic of sex acts. Let us not mock these teens who wish to preserve their notional virginity, saving penis-vagina sex for after marriage. Imagine, if you will a generation of young hetero Christians whose first sexual experiences include the very act which so many bigots deem unnatural. They will grow up. They will be the leaders of their churches one day, and these explorers on the outer edges of Christianity, these Asstopher Columbuses, these Amerigo Buttspuccis, they will be our friends.
Men don't feel smug over women's insecurities concerning , well, everything.
Let's all take a moment to thank Michael Crichton for finally passing away, and taking the anti-science fiction genre with him!
I would kill for my wife to ask to use a vib during sex. I bought her one, and she uses it ALONE. I am not allowed to touch her vagina with anything but my dick - missionary style - lights out. I bought a ring - "No, it will fall off in me". For her, foreplay is "Okay, I will take my shirt off this time." Almost unbelievably, outside the bedroom, our marriage is pretty good - 17 years and 2 kids. We get along and work well together. Inside - the bare minimum. She says "it isn't you, I love you. I just don't like to do anything else other than the very basics". Before marriage - all sorts of fun sex and spontaneity. After marriage - BORING. The reality is that this is pretty common. And yeah, I am mad about it and I resent it. Is that going to help things? No. Will I leave her or cheat? No. I guess that means this is what life has to offer.
LIMP, you don't know how lucky you are, STFU!
I had a girlfriend that used to need a vibrator, until a therapist told her to put the damn thing away - for as long as it took to come with a REAL DICK and tongue inside of her. Took about 2 weeks - to frustrating weeks for her, mind you, but she never went back to her plastic battery operated shit, and we started having a normal sex life, whatever that is.
I don't buy this bullshit that human beings have been around since the dawn of time and some chick needs a device made ten years ago to get off. Bullshit.
If I masturbate long enough on my own, a real pussy is too sensitive for me, so I stop masturbating as much when I'm dating. Use your common sense, damn it!
Since then I have been happily orgasmic in all kinds of ways, but it never would have happened without that first little toy.
I think there is some truth to the notion that vibes can be desensitizing to some women. But most guys don't undestand that with penetration there's almost no clitoral stimulation at all. Its like a guy cumming from his underwear rubbing him when he walks... You'd have to be might sensitive for that to happen.
After 2+ years of sleeping with a dick that doesn't want his wife to get off unless it's HIS way (which happens to be the least likely way), I think it's safe to say that no amount of non-stimulation from this prick is going to get her off. It isn't that he can't get her off, it's that he won't try. Buzz away, sister!
BTW guys, I hope you are taking notes. There's tons of good info from the ladies in the comments this week!
Secondly, while we never know the exact circumstances, there are literally millions of women who obviously need extra effort to get to orgasm, as this column has shown over and over. Dan's advice is correct.
Stick to fairness Psilly, like Dan does, and that's the only way to get to fairness beyond condescension toward women and unending criticism toward men.
However, that doesn't change the fact that some women can't come without them, never come before they had them, never will if they don't.
Furthermore, Dan's oft-repeated advice to men who are trying to get over the death grip has always, always, been in response to THE MAN saying "I don't want it to be like this, how can I change it?" (either directly or to his girfiend) and NOT women saying, "I won't let my boyfriend come unless he'll come inside me because it insults me."
Still furthermore, it's a lot easier for a man to learn to come inside a woman's orifice than for a woman to learn to orgasm from intercourse. Women who can come from this can do so because they either get off on g-spot stimulation (the equivalent to men getting off on prostate stimulation - possible, but NOT something we widely expect men to be able to do in the same way we expect women to come from vaginal stimulation), or because they have a clit that's positioned in such a way as to be stimulated by the man's pelvic bone during thrusting (no, our clits are not all in the same place).
So even if what Dan's saying about some women NEEDING a vibrator to get off for anatomical reasons (clit buried more deeply), most women will still need some kind of stimulation other than intercourse. And since that's the case, what fucking reason is there not to use the damn vibrator? It's easier and quicker anyway. If any guys could give me a reason other than "I feel threatened by it!" I might listen.
You're kidding, right? That statement alone proves that you, at least, feel smug over women's insecurities. Get your head out of your ass.
Good advice to LIMP. He is very poorly educated. Also a big whiny baby.
Best wishes
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/ottawa/story/20…
Second of all, "saddlebacking" *has* to be Christian teenagers assfucking. Anal sex with a condom is just too boring and shouldn't need a name because that's how assfucking should be done, anyway... with a condom!
The gay anal sex with a condom, however, can easily be interjected into conversation. One doesn't even need to know the origins of the term to start using it, as it makes perfect sense to anyone familiar with barebacking. Abracadabra, you've brought the term into everyday speech, and maybe even a cleverly named porno will stem from it. FAR more embarrasing to Rick Warren to have everybody using the term than just a handful of people.
And as example of how easy it is to put the first definition into common usage, scroll up and re-read JON's letter and Dan's response, both about a manipulative prick not wanting to "saddleback"
Saddlebacking shouldn't be gay anal sex with a condom-- I'd hate for safe sex to be tied to such a dick.