I was hoping that cook book was fake when I saw it online

I would do some snooping if I were the neglected wife in the first question and see if your husband isn't watching gay or tranny (or fat girl/guy) porn. It sounds like he isn't interested in either your body type or your gender.

Not everybody likes what "everybody" likes.

Wow, finally a book that combines "The Joy of Cooking" with "The Joy of Sex."

From the book description at lulu.com:

"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants."

Restaurants? RESTAURANTS????

You have seen Fight Club, right?

ew ew ew...i mean, usually i am un-disgusted but this frozen sperm thing...so much grosser than gay sex

Well, anywhere that has men working, I guess it'll be available.

It'll be available if you REALLY piss off your servers. TIP WELL, FOLKS!

thank you so much for mentioning the virgin project! I really enjoyed it! I actually submitted a story. =) not sure if it worked though, hopefully it did.

For all the "firsts" (none of them were) - LAME!

off topic but isnt it funny how the weirdos who are obsessed with being 'first' are never ever ever ever first?

@commenters who disbelieved: that cookbook - Natural Harvest - is very definately genuine. I bought a copy for a family member at Christmas as a joke, but they really seemed interested in it. Needless to say I haven't allowed them to cook for me since.

@Sexless and Desperate,

Get your husband to the gym. Have him lift weights. The health benefits are great, but it will also do wonders for his libido.

Dan,

Not sure on that advice to SAD. I believe the issue here is more about porn addiction and convenience. I am like her guy actually.

When I was single, I got used to jack off to porn at least once a day. It became almost like a daily routine without which I could not fall asleep easily. It's convenient, no commitment to any girl, your decide the timing, no work to be done except to yourself -> it's selfish of course.
After I got into a relationship with my lovely fiancee, we fucked around every day - for like a month or two. After that I got back into my regular jack-off-porn mode (addiction?) and guess what, we had less and less sex because i did not have enough energy to do it 7 times a week for myself plus 5 times a week together with her. I think my fiancee is gorgeous, great shape and everytime I see a girl like her on the street, i feel like fucking that girl right there. However in the relationship, doing for myself was so much more convenient than with her, hence i continued to neglect her until we put it on the table on spoke about it.

Now I convince myself (-> conscious thought) to go to bed without jacking-off some days, and horray, my sex drive with her suddenly increased again. Every guy jacks-off to porn, but I think one needs to manage the frequency and do not let it become a selfish habit that drains too much energy.

A good chat with her guy is maybe what SAD needs. Ultimately though, it will be her guy that decides with his reaction what SAD should do. Though if SAD has had that chat already, I guess your advice is spot-on.

first!!

Aren't you going to experience a bad case of frostbite if you attempt to inseminate yourself by shoving a big block of ice cube up your twat?

A thought for FIRST:

Another alternative is for you to take control. Many guys - including some gay guys - get turned on by being dominated by a woman. It'll certainly get his mind a long way from performance anxiety, which is what you want since it tends to be self reinforcing.

I freeze human cells and tissue as part of my job. One of the complications when you are trying to preserve cells is that water expands when frozen and ice can be jagged sometimes as well. Both of these properties of water means that it's highly likely that cells, in this case sperm, will burst or be cut open.

That doesn't mean that freezing things is a way of sterilizing them, but if you're looking to preserve the sperm, this is the exact wrong way of doing it.

Reading this week's column made me so glad my first and I took things slow. We'd fooled around for a few months before we (both virgins) tried vaginal penetration. It went very smoothly and we were both happy. I guess the key, for us, was being so comfortable and familiar with each other first.

I think Dan's advice to SAD is good, but it sort of assumes the guy is on the up-and-up. I could be wrong, but I got the vibe that SAD's husband is passive-aggressively trying to ditch her. There could be any number of reasons (he's gay, he's unbalanced, he's just a dickweed) and it could be conscious or unconscious or semiconscious. But I have the sneaking suspicion that he's trying to get *her* to dump *him* because he doesn't have be balls to do it, and that when she continues to be kind and reasonable about his selfishness, he's going to wig out and either a) keep pushing the dickweed envelope hoping to reach her breaking point, or b) dump her and make it look like she's at fault (as Dan's pointed out in the past, fairly easy to do when you're the "monogamous" partner in the relationship).

I hope I'm wrong, I hope Dan's right, I hope everything works out for SAD. I just got a vibe.

I could have done without eating my cheerios whilst reading that whole frozen cum... recipies... restaurants thing. I try so hard NOT to be grossed out by what turns others on... but must make mental note to NOT read Dan Savage whilst eating breakfast (or lunch, or dinner, or afternoon tea for that matter) in future.

In response to SAD, yeah, I'd check out what he's checking out. Online porn fantasies can be so far removed from reality.

"Through specific breathing patterns and concentration..."

What a total crock of bullshit. There's no specific breathing patterns or concentration required, dipshit. You get to a point where you're just about to come, you stop, hold off for a few seconds, then give just enough extra stimulation to come a little bit - usually not more than what would be in pre-come. And voila, you're still hard.

Save this made-up tantric bullcrap for your next YMCA class, where you can bastardize other Oriental traditions.

FIRST may be closer to the truth with her comment on him being "practically asexual." http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.h…
It would explain why he still jacks off- it feels good- but why he can't muster the enthusiasm to actually fuck her. Still doesn't excuse the fact that he didn't tell her, especially if he knew about it from previous relationships.

#1 is IMPOSSIBLE! I mean, we all know that all guys are permanent horndogs and women just give it up in exchange for money and emotional intimacy, right? Right?

God, I fucking dry heaved three times during that last question.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned depression yet as a possibility for SAD's husband. It can make you lose interest in sex. Not necessarily the drive, but just the effort it takes.

It's no different than when depression makes it difficult to leave the house. You can still go to work, but doing something that intellectually you know would be fun just isn't worth the effort.

Masturbation would take the edge off quickly without the effort it takes to actually have sex.

okay, i'm fucking filthy and do gross stuff, but FROZEN SPERMSICLES? that's fucking obscene.

SAD said she and her new husband had a "long distance relationship until she got pregnant".

I agree with the posters who get a bad vibe from SAD's husband of a little more than a year who won't have sex with her, just beats off to porn. I think this guy is depressed (and probably a closet gay); is depressed at now being married-with-child and wants O U T. Wonder if he's a Republican?

Hajj, you seem to misunderstand. What you're describing is the "stop and start" technique, where you stop just before you orgasm.

The Tantric and Eastern traditions come in when you try to orgasm without ejaculation. Many Eastern cultures believed that ejaculation was actually harmful to the health: we now know this isn't true, but the orgasm techniques they developed can lead to greater sexual pleasure and more/longer orgasms. When you can orgasm without ejaculation, you can have more orgasms, and each one can last longer, leading to more pleasure.

Hajj - I've gotta say, you made me laugh out loud at work. Well done. Thank you, sir.

Sorry, Dan, but not all deflowerings are awkward. But I'm in the extremely rare position of having lost my virginity to, and having taken the virginity of, my soulmate/spouse. I can honestly say it was everything I could have hoped for and more.

Hey you, yeah you, the one reading all the comments. You probably eat your cum, don't you? If you do, I hope you find some good recipies in the natural harvest.

DEAR FIRST: After you've taken Dan's advice, step by step, then, climb on top! Don't let him be on top for the first time. You stay in charge, help him see when he's in, help him feel the rhythm, control the speed so he doesn't cream in two seconds. He doesn't know enough yet to be on top. Also, keep those lights on.

DEAR SAD: Yes, maybe he's depressed, but don't let the possibility distract you from making him deal with his behavior.

For SAD, it may be that her partner has intimacy issues, that "doing it" with a real live person is too scary.

Well, that did it.
I considered myself practically unsquickable. (Licking your jizz off your girlfriend? Practically vanilla.)
But slurping frozen spunkcicles? That made me shriek. I read the whole thing with both hands clamped over my mouth. Why it's sexy-hot when it's fresh and warm and gaggy-gross when frozen, I have no idea.

A gal-pal of mine had me make sperm-cubes. I would jack off into the ice cube tray enough times to make a ice cube or two. Then, she would make a alcoholic drink and use these cubes to cool the liquor. It was fun to watch her drink up! I didn't want to be drinking it, but she loved going down on me so this was a bonus round for her.

maybe that neglected chick is REALLY BAD IN BED. or has a style in bed he's not that into...

I howled with laughter when I saw the back of that book. Holy shit.

I personally love tasting come, but I understand Dan's gross out over the frozen stuff. If it does not come straight out of the dick, I can't handle it. My boyfriend wanted to come in me (in a condom) and then have me eat it out of the condom and I just could not do it.

Cummy is Yummy in my tummy !

i'll never understand what is particularly sexy about semen. a man's ass, cock, body face, etc: sexy. his spunk? meh.

for other FIRSTs: the book "The Guide to Getting It On" http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-Univ…
has a great chapter on the first time.

I love the Bitman reference!
FIRST, I've sorta been in your shoes. My now-husband was a 23-year-old penetration virgin and I was a 21-year-old newly single mom when we started dating. We spent months (well, three) doing everything but "it". By the time we finally had penetrative sex, we were experts in making each other orgasm in a variety of ways and we were desperate to fuck each other senseless (no stage fright). I think Dan's advice was good... take penetration off the table for now and take the time to really figure out each other's hot buttons.

Dan always seem to prefer an open marriage when divorce is the glaringly obvious choice. Move on SAD asap. Get a new husband and a new father figure for your young child. Leave your present dysfunctional jerk to jerk off to his porn and to continue to have his truly meaningful relationships with his computer and his hand.

Go now and never look back.

I almost threw up several times while reading CATCP's letter. I feel like a screaming pre-pubescent girl in health class being forced to watch graphic videos of a birth "to make us think twice about getting knocked up." Ew ew ewwwww

Divorcing someone you love isn't easy - and I think it should be a last resort if nothing else is working. If SAD and her husband are OK with an open marriage, then why should they have to sacrifice their family for someone else's idea of what's right?

However - it doesn't just sound like SAD misses *sex*; it sounds like SAD misses *sex with this guy*, which an open marriage won't solve. I agree that depression or laziness could be a factor, but what about performance anxiety or shame issues from childhood? If he thinks sex is "dirty," then porn and masturbation are a way of taking care of his needs almost in secret, and not dirtying the woman he loves. If he's been belittled in previous relationships, he could have very low self-esteem in bed, and think that if he had sex with this hot woman with the amazing ass who all the other guys keep hitting on, she'd be totally underwhelmed and leave him, so he avoids it as much as possible. In that situation, his wife bragging about how much other guys want her could actually be making the problem *worse*.

SAD should do a porn photo shoot with her hubby. Her lame ass hubby might get off on it, and they would be able to sell it also. Post the URL for us if you do.

Dan,

You should come to Fremont on the 21st.... we can share a good laugh over the frozen popcans in the tundra.

Baggies of sperm?

Really.

I hadn't thought of that.

Well, I guess that's one way to shake up the "proteen" enablers.

Looking for "The Virgin Project" and can't find it?
Check out www.thevirginproject.com for a list of retailers. Or you can order it straight off the website.

Ok eating your own cum isn't as gross as it might seem but at room temp it is gross. Why would anyone want to freeze it and eat it? Feels the need to gag. And prays that his kids never have a friend wondering what is in the baggie.

I don't think SAD's husband is anti-sex, I think he has a PORN ADDICTION. Men who watch porn all the time have a false sense of what a real woman does and the intimacy that happens between two people--and yes, it's selfish because they think they can "do it better by myself". He's having a wonderful sex life, SAD, he just doesn't need you for it. Tell him to stop watching porn is my advice... cut him off cold-turkey. It's not healthy anyway!!

Hmm..interesting..I thought people wanted their food without urine...or sperm....isn't that why you stay away from the soup du jour? and Paseos' Midnight Cuban Roast?

p.s

please dont' stay away from the midnight cuban roast, because whatever that aioli sauce is made of..it has to have crack in it. just like Frites!

Hey you, yeah you, the one reading all the comments. You probably eat your cum, don't you? If you do, I hope you find some good recipies in the natural harvest.

Yes Toodels, I DO eat my own cum, AND my partners. Do you need anyone to eat yours?? I agree with many of the posts.... it's best when it's hot and fresh.

SAD
You may have a fine ass indeed, but contrary to popular belief most men need more than that for intimate relationships. Divide your relationship up into threes. Look and yourself, look at him, and look at the dynamic of what you create together. I am more empathy for you husband really. I was in a relationship where my sexual interest was pretty much lost as well. For me, it had to do with past sexual abuses and the dysfunction of the relationship I was in. Little did I know the lack of sexual interest with people and compensating with fantasy was just a coping mechanism. Fortunately, I was able to work through that (eventually with help) into a wonderfully satisfying sex life. The best sex I ever had! Glorious wonderful sex mmmm….I digress. If that is the case with your husband than I hope you will show him some support and sympathy. Hell, get some help at Shepherds Services in Seattle. It is one of the few male-positive places I found. Anyway…if it is like my experiences your husband need less judgment and more support….Labeling him as selfish and stunted is truly ignorant and misandrist.

SSDD

I used to work at a national chain fast food place where more than one employee (not me of couse) enjoyed adding their own special sauce to the cole slaw in particular. So if u eat out anywhere, come is probably the least disgusting adulterant in your mouth. Probably one of those things it's best to shove far out of awareness so you can go on living, like the Bush years.

I used to work at a national chain fast food place where more than one employee (not me of couse) enjoyed adding their own special sauce to the cole slaw in particular. So if u eat out anywhere, come is probably the least disgusting adulterant in your mouth. Probably one of those things it's best to shove far out of awareness so you can go on living, like the Bush years.

SAD and her husband should consult a marital counseling or a counselor that specializes in sexual issues. I feel for SAD...after 12 years the sex is still great and everyone is entitled to great sex with their partner for the rest of their lives together.

Cockbook, not cookbook.

You're right, SAD's husband is interested in sex. However, he has a fetish that he is embarrassed to discuss with the wife. It's tough to break to your wife that you're into incest/pedophilia and what not. If SAD made a promise to her husband not to "freak out" to whatever his fetish is, she would be amazed at his sex drive. Trust me, Daddy/Daughter roleplay changed my life. It helped me realize that I'm not into kids, I'm just into the power dynamic and taboo idea. My gf of 10 years loves the idea too, she was on board from day 1 and can't get enough of the roleplay.

Peace,
Colin

This is not exactly on topic but I thought I'd share anyways. I knew this gay couple about 10 years ago, went to their place a few times for parties. I was always mystified by a couple jars in their bathroom with this nasty brown stuff in them. When I finally asked what they were, they told me they had challenged each other to a 'pump contest' and that they jars held a few months worth of their sperm. Nasty. Nothing gets funky like old come. I stopped going to their parties.

Dan, I'm surprised by the tone of your response to SAD. People can legitimately be asexual, as in not feeling attraction to other human beings. (The website linked above by another commenter has some good information.) Just because someone lacks a sex drive does not necessarily mean they are emotionally stunted, immature, selfish, damaged, abused, depressed, addicted to porn, lacking in exercise, secretly gay, self-loathing, malnourished, have intimacy issues, secretly despise their partner, or anything else.

Also, I disagree with you that asexuals shouldn't marry--what right does anyone have to deny them that right? So long as everyone involved is honest about expectations, I don't see why they couldn't.

If your partner does not want to have sex with you it is never a mystery and the answer is always the same.They just are not into you.So dont beat your head against the wall or look for mysterious answers.The answer is always the same ,they are not into you.The longest you should put up with a sexless relationship is 3 seconds.After 3 seconds you should realize they are just not into you and thats all........

Sparky-- Sure, that's great, if he had told her up front he was asexual. But in this case he wasn't honest about expectations.

so much grosser than gay sex? you think straight sex isn't gross? guess again, fatty.

I agree with Sara, the dude has a porn addiction. If he quit it, he'd probably be up for some actual in-the-flesh lovin', but good luck getting him to quit. He'd have to really want to. Maybe if she actually was planning on leaving him, he might wake up. Or he might not. There are groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous which help their members deal with stuff like this.

Coming Around to Cream Pies by far posted the FUNNIEST question I have ever read on SL. Honestly....could not help but laugh outloud!!

I was with a guy who gradually lost interest in having sex with me and believe me, it never gets any better. I wasted three years trying to fix the situation. Wish I had gotten out sooner!

what do you mean restaurants?!?!

Tell FirstTimeIsn'tReallySexy to try a few things: First, read "The Guide to Getting it On" and let him look at the professional drawings of what you look like down there. Second, give each other total body massages with intercourse off the menu, as dan suggests.
Third, after a few of these massage sessions, so that he knows what gets you hot, and where your parts are, make love with the lights on, on top of the sheets. Or better yet, you be on top. That way you know it'll go where and when you want it to go.
Make it fun, and relax!

sexless needs to hear herself when she says sexless and desparate. DTMFA. DTMFA.

SAD's husband is probably cheating on her. She should follow him or hire a detective before she wastes any more of her time on him. My husband's low sex drive and fatigue was due to his mistress and his visits to sex clubs. He lied for years with a straight face.

Oh yeah, my dear hubby also claimed he was maturbating at home. He lied. He had a number of live mistresses.

Sexless And Desperate needs to dump her husband. He's not into her and I don't think an open relationship is the way to go. An open relationship should be a desired option, not a desparate attempt to keep things together--not even for the sake of a child. They'll probably be better parents to the child if they're apart instead of together. Good luck.

I hope Mark Bittman reads this.

There could be all kinds of reasons that SAD's husband is denying her a decent sex life...but what it comes down to is that they're incompatible on a pretty damn fundamental level, and it doesn't look like it's gonna get fixed. Could be porn addiction, asexuality, resentment about being shoved from a long-distance relationship to a real-time relationship, fear/dislike of parenthood, any number of things. But it ain't gonna work.

Dan,
Please please tell me this is something you set up to promote saddlebacking - it's the 7th google response when you search 'christ.' If not, it's horrifying.

http://www.sexinchrist.com/

I just vommed in m mouth when I got to the "any good recipes" part.

No! No! No! Say it ain't so! I love sperm straight from the source but I will never again eat cooked food knowing there's a possibility that sperm could be one of the ingredients.
It's going to be tough eating salad forever. Thanks a lot

To the woman who's husband prefers porn to sex with her I say try acting out the porn he so loves to jack off too! Other than that find a buck to fulfill that itch! Quit bitching! To the girl trying to deflower her virgin - I say when you talk him through it, try being a bit dirty to keep that woody stiff. Cuz ain't nothing more mood killing than some tech talk! And use some lube to aid him getting "in"!

xo
Rants, Thoughts & Merde
http://rantsthoughtsmerde.blogspot.com/2…

Does anybody else find FIRST's letter disturbing in its larger social implications? The whole scenario seems like a prime example of the benefits of abstinence only sex education. (That would be sarcasm.)

Although I'm female, I can see how it would be difficult on one's first go round to tell if your penis is inside your partner. But, geez wouldn't you look down at some point?

FIRST doesn't include that much detail so I realize that what I'm about to say is pure speculation, but I'm detecting a lack of hand and eye involvement which suggests a squeamishness about body parts and sex.

I'm no swinger and my tastes run to the vanilla but even early on in my sex life, if my partner were mistakenly humping my leg I would have lent a guiding hand to get penetration going. Having had the benefit of learning about sex just before the rise of the Christian right and the Reagan revolution took hold, this kind of stuff was less of an issue for me, my sexual partners and my friends.

Re: SAD

I'd wager that her husband either isn't attracted to her because he's actually gay or is uncomfortable with emotional intimacy (more on that later). If he were truly asexual he wouldn't be jerking off to internet porn. I agree w/ other posters who've said that it would be helpful to know what kind of porn he's looking at as it might (emphasis on might here) explain what's going on. I would only advocate snooping as a last resort though. I think SAD should ask him about it first.

The standard line these days is that people who have kids should stay married for the sake of the kid(s). Maybe that's correct, I don't know, I'm not a parent. In any case, something's got to give.

Since this is an ongoing issue for her husband, he would benefit from therapy. A letter can only reveal so much, but from what SAD has written, it sounds like he might have difficulty w/ the intimacy associated with sex with someone you love and live with (i.e. the contempt bred from familiarity, pimples, bad breath, cellulite, nose hair, farts and all, or, more importantly, the buzz-killing vulnerability of being soclose to someone who knows all your weaknesses and could hurt you). He might be also be a sexual abuse survivor.

That said, it would be a good experiment for SAD to suggest that they view porn together and see what happens. If any of the above I mentioned is true, this suggestion might get a good conversation going.

I was momentarily disgusted by the comesicle letter, but then just couldn't stop laughing about recipe ideas.

Damn, that's funny. Thanks for the laughs!

"RESTAURANTS???"

SAD's guy has intimacy issues. Mos def.

It's not that different than a girl I know who habitually does it only when drunk, only in the dark, and only once or twice with the same guy before moving on. She's only comfortable interacting with men on certain levels of intimacy while avoiding other levels of intimacy. Obviously the levels are different for SAD's guy, but I suspect the underlying psychology is the same.

I have always been a big fan of the late, great Robert Anton Wilson, best known for "The Illuminatus Trilogy." Someplace in there, he describes an act of alchemical ritual sex in which a couple make love while the woman is menstruating; the man has to make sure the woman has come before coming in her. This is the "mixing of the red and white essences." The next step is for the man to go down on the woman until she comes again, and then kiss her with a mouth full of menstrual blood and sperm, which they share and swallow. There is a great deal of alchemical symbolism in this, but as my copy of the book is currently in storage, y'all will have to look it up for yourselves.

My wife and I used to do this when she was young enough to have periods. I had no problem keeping my steam up to enthusiastically go down on her, but sometimes she would have orgasmed so intensely by the time I went down on her that SHE was the one who ran out of steam...it was part of my yogic practice that this was my only orgasm of the month, which may have had something to do with it. My experience is that, until I had a fairly well developed meditation practice, I had no way to deal with the energy generated by becoming sexually aroused and not coming...but that's another topic, and I've gone on long enough...

PS you have to do this when the woman's period has just started, or she COULD get pregnant....

The SAD couple and those that comment on them make interesting reading.

I always thought open marriages are at their best when the primary couple are at the top of their game with respect to each other and the extras act as a spicy complimentar activity. It is a shame that people are often lured into extramarital sex when marital sex is crap and use it as a replacement with result that the marriage is subject to rapid destructive testing. Perhaps that is the point here, cut to the chase - kill or cure

I am not sure the quitters are solving anything by moving on whenever their current situation proves wanting.

I always am amazed when people say that companionships/ marraiges are meanigful and rewarding on so many levels and sex is only one of them. Girls will often be quick to defend this view. Yet when the sex goes wrong the standard (almost) presumption is to torch it all!

Getting it together 24/7 after a long distance courtship is going to be bloody hardwork for both them.

My tip, for what it is worth, is to build trust and communicate. It is not easy. You have got to de pressure the situation. Get professional help. It takes time. You will know you are getting somewhere when he feels comfortable fully sharing his pornographic fantasies with you (and vice versa). You will find it is very hard and will catch yourself witholding information because you don't know if they can handle without becoming judgemental. The key is trust! And trust takes time.

My wife and I have recently started turning a corner having seen sex marginalised to rock bottom whilst we had kids (3, 2& 1 yo). Until December we only had a 1 bedroomed flat!! As a counter argument to the porn addiction people, are you sure that you have got the direction of causality correct!! My wife and I both found that when actual sex was dysfunctional we compensated by masterbating more. We are only finding this out now. She used to do it during her long luxurious baths and me whilst on the loo or computer. It is the economy of effort (quick simple and uncomplicated) as well as much less likely to disturb the kids.

We are now getting it back sexually as a couple. We have made breakthroughs in our ability to communcate sexually. Last night for the first time in nine years my wife was confident enough in me and our marraige to say that she has occassionaly and momentarily used lesbian fantasies to get her over the edge to orgasm.

Re: FIRST. I had massive issues with my first time and still don't get on well with the missionary postion. My best is girl on top. I've never been able to see it going in from the missionary. I never get convincing penetration or rhythm in the missionary and most often go off the boil sooner than come. Esp if, as girls are apt to do, they keep their feet and legs on the bed rather than up behind their ears!!

S.A.D. left out two important things: 1) WHAT is her hubby jerking off to? and 2) WHAT is she trying to do to get him more interested in fucking her? If the guy is jerking off to oral/anal porn online and she flat out refuses to even TRY either of those, then she's not GGG and maybe needs to try something new. OR if her idea of sex involves gas-powered toys and circus monkeys in tiny gimp-suits, while he's jerking off to missionary style port, maybe she needs to tone it down a few notches! No, it's not all about what HE wants...but it sounds like there is a SEVERE lack of communication between them. And THAT should be their first step to a better sex life - not looking for a new dick to ride. Of course, if he's jerking off to gay porn, BBW porn or bestiality porn, maybe there IS no hope for them...

I don't mind the taste of jizz, but I so do not want it on my creme brulee.

To the first wife, you can find in wikipedia the list of minor league soccer teams in the US.

Wow...I am a healthcare provider and a Dan fan and I thought I heard it all but I have never been so grossed out. Sperm snacks? ugh.
BTY, to Sexless...I married (and divorced) a piece of shit like you did and am pretty sure he is a sexually stunted pedophile and closeted head case. This behavior is not normal and is a symptom of something pathologic. Watch out!

An open marriage is not the answer for SAD's situation, more likely a cheap & short compensation. She'll fall in love with someone else and the marriage will be over sooner than later. So, why don't go all the way thru now instead of dumping some more years of your lives off the cliff trying something that will not work? He needs something that is not in this marriage, perhaps some psycological help, perhaps some unfulfilled fantasy, but SAD shouldn't expect changes in his behaviour unless he wants those changes, which doesn't seem to be the case.

Positively sickening and disgusting...Frozen sperm,smoked salmon and lettuce sarnie.Sickening!!!

God, I am so sick of everyone getting all teary-eyed and saying "Maybe so and so is depressed! They need HELP!" whenever one partner starts treating the other partner like week old bread.

You've probably heard this from a bajillion people already, but just in case you haven't, people who aren't interesting in fucking do have one alternative to not getting married: they can marry someone who is *also* not interested in fucking.

It really sounds as if the husband in the first letter has an addiction to porn. i was with a guy that had this problem at one point- he really had to work hard to get over it. Basically - he was addicted to online pornography- and when he jacked off to it during the week, he couldn't get it up with me on weekends. But if he abstained... well, then he got a raging hard-on and was all happy to make a go of it.

i think the wife should insist the husband abstain from porn for a while. He should make a serious attempt to stay off his drug of choice- and bone his wife instead. After a while, he will recondition himself. (It took us a few months to work through the issue.)

While I am not not 'anti-porn' per se-- I am very 'pro marital sex'. Anyone has a right to expect a healthy sexual relationship with their married partner. The wife should demand this, rather than allowing her husband to deny her.

Eating sperm – great! But only if your hetero boyfriend is cool with eating your menstrual blood and chunks.

Virgins – both of you have to cum before having intercourse. Those are the rules. Even if it takes months. Because if you (okay, he) isn't willing to work for that, he probably won't be willing to do it once you're fucking missionary stylez.

Have you guys heard that Coastal Kitchen is going from hand cut fries to frozen ones. What is the world coming to?

I deal every day with people who "suffer" from "micropenis". Most of them think because I am a landlord, they can automatically assume I'm in the wrong and some type of asshole. The truth is that these small penis holders need to get therapy.

My boyfriend and I enjoy saving up all of our cum for a week or so than we make margiritas out of it and have sex right after.

RE: Semen-based recipes

Thanks to your enlightening me on the subject of semen-based recipe books, I will never again be able to think of the term "natural harvest" without grimacing.

And yet...I had to google it. Turns out there's a sample recipe from the book floating around out there. It is a smoothie made with soy milk, bananas, and kiwi fruit (plus the sine qua non, jizz). Imagining the taste of this shake almost provoked a natural-harvest reaction of my own (sure hope nobody wrote a book with recipes based on THAT).

Then, in the middle of the night, I awoke and it hit me: kiwis and bananas, hahahahaha. Let me guess what some of the other recipes might be:

* Sausages and meatballs Alfredo
* Hot dogs a la king
* Vanilla-iced crullers and donut holes
* Baked zucchini with risotto parmesan croquettes

So my question to you is, "Do you think this book is for real? What kind of name is Fotie Fotenhauer, anyway?"

Simultaneously grossed out and in hysterics,

Suspicious (of) Phallic Urges Near Kitchen Yogurt

lol @ laya... restaurants...