I go to the doctor once a year, for a pap smear and a basic physical. No tests, nothing fancy, no prescriptions other than the pill, just height, weight, blood pressure, pap smear. This is my only source of medical care.

Cost of pap smear at Planned Parenthood - $0-100, depending on the person's income. I usually donate about $25, more if there are protesters outside.

Cost of pap smear at regular doctor - $175 and up, if they will see new patients, and if I can end up in the right part of the country at the right time to see the same doctor. I can go to PP anywhere.

Cost to taxpayers - I don't know. The state of Michigan pays part of mine because I'm low income, I'm guessing it's lower than a doctor's office that has nice couches and has to process a lot of insurance paperwork (when I do go to a real doctor, they almost always discount for cash by about 50%, so I'm guessing paperwork's a bitch).

So I luck out because I get close to free care. But, on a pragmatic level:

Cost to taxpayers if I don't go because I can't afford to pay $175 or I'm in the wrong part of the country - anywhere from 0-100,000, which is what it will cost me to die of cervical cancer in the emergency room, my backup source of care. The first symptom of cervical cancer is a bad pap smear, the second symptom is you start bleeding uncontrollably and die soon after. I have now had cancer twice, both times caught by pap smear and treated at a cost of about $600 to me (to the surgeon and anesthesiologist) and probably about $1500 to the taxpayer. Keeping me alive is cheaper. One in three women will have early-stage cervical cancer in her lifetime. I know five.

Most of what Planned Parenthood does is prevent unwanted pregnancies. Very little of that is by abortion (a hot-button issue) - it's mostly through education and free or cheap birth control.

The estimated cost of raising a child to adulthood is about $300,000. While that number reflects middle class families that pay their own way, poor families use food stamps, welfare, Head Start, after-school programs, Medicaid, and Pell Grants, all of which are paid by taxpayers. $500 worth of condoms over a reproductive lifetime, or even three or four $600 abortions are still a lot easier on the pocketbook, not to mention reducing the number of unwanted babies, some of whom will be drug-addled criminals and some who are just, well, unwanted. Which sucks for them and costs money in therapy later.

So I would argue that fighting the creep of welfare, fighting the ever-enlarging Medicaid budget, and keeping women from dying in emergency rooms of cervical cancer, saves money for everyone in the long run. We're (mostly) not a country that lets people die on the street, and anyone who is admitted to the emergency room - which a lot of poor people use for primary care - is going to cost everyone a lot more money than providing them with health care to begin with. A hospital can't turn people away, and that's why everyone else's insurance costs so much - they have to cover the people who can't pay.

I would then passionately add that any senator or government official whose excellent health-insurance plan (enabling him and his family to see the doctor of their choice, go in when sick rather than solely for catastrophe, and access resources like therapy and life-enhancing medication) is paid for by my tax dollars has no business begrudging me my one doctor visit a year on his tax nickels.

I go to the doctor once a year, for a pap smear and a basic physical. No tests, nothing fancy, no prescriptions other than the pill, just height, weight, blood pressure, pap smear. This is my only source of medical care.

Cost of pap smear at Planned Parenthood - $0-100, depending on the person's income. I usually donate about $25, more if there are protesters outside.

Cost of pap smear at regular doctor - $175 and up, if they will see new patients, and if I can end up in the right part of the country at the right time to see the same doctor. I can go to PP anywhere.

Cost to taxpayers - I don't know. The state of Michigan pays part of mine because I'm low income, I'm guessing it's lower than a doctor's office that has nice couches and has to process a lot of insurance paperwork (when I do go to a real doctor, they almost always discount for cash by about 50%, so I'm guessing paperwork's a bitch).

So I luck out because I get close to free care. But, on a pragmatic level:

Cost to taxpayers if I don't go because I can't afford to pay $175 or I'm in the wrong part of the country - anywhere from 0-100,000, which is what it will cost me to die of cervical cancer in the emergency room, my backup source of care. The first symptom of cervical cancer is a bad pap smear, the second symptom is you start bleeding uncontrollably and die soon after. I have now had cancer twice, both times caught by pap smear and treated at a cost of about $600 to me (to the surgeon and anesthesiologist) and probably about $1500 to the taxpayer. Keeping me alive is cheaper. One in three women will have early-stage cervical cancer in her lifetime. I know five.

Most of what Planned Parenthood does is prevent unwanted pregnancies. Very little of that is by abortion (a hot-button issue) - it's mostly through education and free or cheap birth control.

The estimated cost of raising a child to adulthood is about $300,000. While that number reflects middle class families that pay their own way, poor families use food stamps, welfare, Head Start, after-school programs, Medicaid, and Pell Grants, all of which are paid by taxpayers. $500 worth of condoms over a reproductive lifetime, or even three or four $600 abortions are still a lot easier on the pocketbook, not to mention reducing the number of unwanted babies, some of whom will be drug-addled criminals and some who are just, well, unwanted. Which sucks for them and costs money in therapy later.

So I would argue that fighting the creep of welfare, fighting the ever-enlarging Medicaid budget, and keeping women from dying in emergency rooms of cervical cancer, saves money for everyone in the long run. We're (mostly) not a country that lets people die on the street, and anyone who is admitted to the emergency room - which a lot of poor people use for primary care - is going to cost everyone a lot more money than providing them with health care to begin with. A hospital can't turn people away, and that's why everyone else's insurance costs so much - they have to cover the people who can't pay.

I would then passionately add that any senator or government official whose excellent health-insurance plan (enabling him and his family to see the doctor of their choice, go in when sick rather than solely for catastrophe, and access resources like therapy and life-enhancing medication) is paid for by my tax dollars has no business begrudging me my one doctor visit a year on his tax nickels.

CMA

There are all sorts of very personal things that take time to get to know. Just keep doing what you're doing. You might be described as having a preference so specific and important to you that it's a fetish. But having a fetish doesn't make you an asshole.

#3 beat me to it, CMA. One diagnostic of a fetish is: Do you need it to get an erection? If yes, it's a fetish. And I'm guessing you're so self-absorbed about meeting your needs that when you finally do meet a woman like this, you're not going to satisfy her needs. Good luck; you're gonna need it.

CMA, lemme guess, the 7 year relationship girl had a big clit and shaved pussy, but it didn't work out?

Doesn't that tell you something?

For letters 1 & 2: You can't help needing what you need or even liking what you like, but you can avoid being a jerk about it. This means you don't give your dates a questionnaire to fill out or ask them for an anatomical description before seeing them naked. You have to put in the time and wait, just like you would have to if the thing that was a deal-breaker couldn't be expected to manifest itself on or prior to the first date. If you find some characteristic that is too un-arousing for you and it is impossible for the person to change that (clit or cock size), you manufacture a different reason for breaking things off, nicely, and move on.

Sorry that you wasted days or perhaps (horrors) weeks of your life, but that's called "dating." Perhaps you've heard of it. It's a way to discover whether two people are compatible, and sometimes it takes more than an initial meeting to discover that you're not. (And sometimes what you thought was an insurmountable obstacle turns out not to be, if there's enough great stuff to make up for it.)

As for letter #3: When my kids were younger, they'd get so angry when someone said something that contradicted what they knew to be true. They would howl with impotent rage, wanting to correct the misapprehension or to clear their name. And I would say to them, "you know what you know. That's all that matters. You know what the truth is--that's what counts." It seems that the letter writer needs to remember that cock size is a very common topic of humor, and he can get defensive, which will probably arouse derision, or he can see it as an area that needs more awareness--kind of like the way fat jokes should be stopped, or the campaign to banish the word "retarded" as an insult or even a descriptor, or he can know what he knows about his relationship with the two men and smile to himself as he remembers topping them so well.

Or he can talk to them privately, not in the moment, and not with others around, and say, "hey, when the size comments start, I get upset. Can you please not participate?"

I think I've signed every petition Dan has endorsed, even though I'm from the Philippines. I'm jealous that there are movements there that one can assist through just a few clicks, but when I Google the words "pro reproductive health bill", there isn't much to see. You guys have Planned Parenthood, but we Filipinos haven't been able to make the RH Bill take off for years now.

Unlike FP, CMA seems very determined to seek out these particular physical characteristics, almost without regard to any other character traits in his partner. If that's true, I advice him to seek out sex workers (whether escorts or actresses). They will not be freaked out by his need and so he won't waste his time. If he finds one who fits his needs, and if he can manage to be nice and loving and considerate and not an asshole, then maybe he can persuade that perfect match to take him seriously as a potential life partner.

On the other hand, I wish I could just put a tag on my online personal ad that I only go bald for special occasions. Oh, I don't mind keeping it trimmed, but bald? I have sensitive skin, and the consequences afterwards are unpleasant to say the least. Waxing isn't really even an option (the one time I actually went that route, my boyfriend of the time completely freaked when he saw the skin reaction I had). And anyways, it just looks freaky in general, imho. I'm a grown woman - I'm not SUPPOSED to be bald down there.

Dan, about this forearm thing.. every time a guy or girl complains about his or her partner's small penis you seem to jump RIGHT to this whole fist-fucking thing like it's totally natural second-alternative. I'm no prude, trust me, but I think I've even heard you describe fisting as "varsity-level," yet you recommend it left and right to men or couples that have a tiny dick problem.

This isn't a complaint or anything, I'm just wondering if you realize that your go-to solution for small-dicked guys might seem a little intense for a lot of people. I know I'd be shocked if I asked for advice about some sex-related issue and was told the solution would be for my partner to stick her fist up my vag. Just saying.

As for SMALL, my anus prefers a small cock. Don't many bottoms? It may not be possible for you to joke lightly around this topic, but maybe you can say something like - "oh, man, when ya get fucked by a huge cock, ya can't walk for days. Me, I like them 'just right.'" If the jokes went both ways, would that make you feel better?

On the other hand, people aren't going to stop making jokes about baldness or shallow blondes just because those jokes are mean, so at some point, you may want to just accept that most humor has an edge of cruelty.

@11 - Let's please not have this disintegrate into a fight about whether men liking shaved pussies means they are pedophiles. You like hair. I keep mine trimmed for my husband, but I shave all but a little patch if I'm seeing someone new. Some people like to go bare. That doesn't make them look prepubescent. When men shave their faces that doesn't make us suddenly think they are little boys.

I think if I had a small cock, being told to use my forearm instead would be about as soul-crushing a thing that lover could tell me.

I think it's time to give that one a rest, Dan, for the non-fisters of the world. Maybe you could encourage people to date people for who they are, rather than continue the objectification of boobs, dicks and similar folderol.

@14 - When did @11 mention pedophilia? You're the only one who used that word. I agree with JrzWrld that a shaved snatch is weird, but I don't think that men who prefer them are child molestors. But I'm not willing to go bald.

@16 - I've been down this road before. She wrote: "I'm a grown woman - I'm not SUPPOSED to be bald down there." That's enough to get the fight going, in my experience.

Apologies for not posting a spoiler alert for first-time viewers of the shaved/natural fight.

Shaved or natural, it's all preference. I trim and like it that way. No beef with the ladies and gents who do bare their nethers.

I rather wish we'd get a follow up on CMA in a few years when he's wondering why he's STILL single.

As for guys with smaller than average (or not big enough for the size-queens) should consider a strap-on for those Gotta Get Drilled sessions.

Personally, I'm more interested in what a man can do with his tongue.

I think Dan's advice to SMALL is good.

Getting to the "however" though, there's nothing wrong with guys with bigger dicks letting it be known that they have bigger dicks.

It's a competitive world out there. And I have to say that it's true that I have met more than a few small dick guys who overcompensate in obnoxious ways for their shortcoming. In every group where sex is a possibility you get posturing and its never nice (keep in mind I think that direct insults cross the line unless provoked).

So some sympathy please for the above average endowed? Unlike women who can display their wares to the public, the well-endowed man can't easily communicate his attributes in civilized society. We are often burned by the less well endowed but obnoxious small dick man (and I'm sure there are many women who know the truth of that of which I speak).

Is it just me or are there other hetero female readers here who don't know if their clit is big, small, or medium? I mean, I know that I have smallish breasts, muscular legs, skinny arms, droopy butt, etc, because I can compare myself to other women I have seen, clothed and naked. But comparing clit sizes? I know mine grows when I'm aroused, but I never knew there was even such a thing as a big or small clit. What I do notice in CMA's letter is the absence of any emotional connection with the women whose clits he likes or dislikes. He invests all this time to get to know someone and I (wrongly I guess) assumed he waited for an emotional connection, but if her clit wasn't big enough there was "no reason to return"? Hate to be a hater, but I'm not sure CMA has what it takes to make the kind of connection that marks a truly intimate relationship.

Grown women ARE supposed to be bald "down there."

IF they want to.

Or if they're willing to, to please a lover.

But for me, I sort of like'em au naturale. Something about picking hair out of my teeth that feels like a job well done...

Doc

Personally, I would LOVE it if a guy told me that he dumped me for having the wrong sized clit! I would then feel no regret whatsoever, unlike other situations I've been in where the guy just up and disappears and I'm left wondering what the fuck went wrong and feeling hopeless about whether or not that something is something I can fix.

Something as specific as clit preference? I almost feel sorry for the guy, at least until I remind myself that he withholds emotional connection (seeing that as an obligation) until he sees the goods. I too think he'd be better off with adult friend finder or something like that given how specific this fetish is.

I have all kinds of questions, though. Is the size relative to the inner labia, or are the size of the inner labia irrelevant? Does color/shading matter--does a darker one look smaller?

I like Ms Erica's solution for the first LW. He'll know he's in the right ballpark, and a potential partner with any sense will have to date him long enough so that it will have been worth her time when - oopsie, IF - she dumps him.

Now at least #2 got just about the best possible lead-in. It's unfortunate that this possibility didn't occur to her during all those years when everyone she dated was sufficiently equipped. But I'll admit to being a little irritated by people who ask if they are wrong for wanting X, whatever X may be. They come off as petulant. A want is a want. It may be wrong to act on it, or unreasonable to expect to get it and therefore foolish to hold out for it, but that is not the fault of the want.

If this were my novel, she'd deliberately give him cause to dump her and only initiate the breakup herself if he didn't. That seems best as she'd probably resent him before long. It would be interesting, though, to establish the exact nature of "not the greatest" chemistry. If his lacking the potential for As isn't a dealbreaker, does he manifest the potential to reach, say, B-minus? He does seem to have enough high grades outside of the bedroom to get the average up into A territory. Individual mileage may vary. No worries here if anyone makes an A in the bedroom indispensible for high honour roll, but I've had relationships in which it was clear going in that that grade could never get above B and yet the relationships themselves were quite delightful and I would go through the whole of each again if opportunity permitted.

Grown women are also SUPPOSED to have hair in their armpits but we generally don't question shaving it.

All hair does is get in the way.

@ SMALL take his advice: Own your small dick baby! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCR5r6i1r…
Next time your friends make jokes, say 'well that's not what you were saying last month!" or whatever.

@12 AMEN! It's really annoying. No, just because I have small dick problems, does not mean I want to graduate to a fist. That's like complaining a grape isn't filling enough, and suggesting someone eat an entire watermelon instead. NOT. FEASIBLE.

It goes through me like amoebic dysentry when I read someone using enormity to refer to size like in the second letter.

PEOPLE, ENORMITY MEANS GREAT EVIL. It's a useful word. Let's keep it.

@20, I was thinking the exact same thing... How do you know what size your clit is? Obviously mine isn't large. Okay, I wonder if it's normal or small. Hmmmm. Maybe you should come over and we can compare. Just kidding, just kidding. (About the compare part anyway.)
And honestly gentlemen, (for me) girth is nice for lazy ramming sessions, but the best sex I've ever had is with smallish/regular sized cocks. There is more sensation and usually the guy works it harder, hitting more spots, and adjusting my body parts for reaching different depths. Plus I can fit it in my mouth and throat and other places too. I also found I can have sex several times a day with a smaller dicked guy. I'm a pretty small woman and I prefer a man who fits just right. I don't want my pussy stretched out. Let me give a big hell no!

@20,28

I could take a look if you'd like. Maybe you could return the favor. It might be nice to get an opinion from someone with no agenda either way.

EricaP is right. Every time I've heard women comment on shaving it has always been to say that shaved is a little girl look. I like to shave because it uncovers more skin and thus allows more sensations. Not that many people like to lick fur.

On the other hand if you are one of those people who gets irritation or ingrown hairs when they shave then it's understandable if you don't. I like pussies either way. There are advantages to both. Maybe mix it up a bit?

@20, I don't think they're pedophiles, just brainwashed by popular culture to think that body hair is gross or unnatural, which is silly. It sets forth an unrealistic expectation that I simply can't accommodate without a great deal of unpleasantness on my part. As the other poster noted, I mentioned the word "pedophile" precisely never in my previous post.

sorry - I meant @14.

And yeah, aesthetically speaking, I think it looks really weird.

As a full-body-hair woman by very conscious choice, I realize that I'm limiting my dating pool to exclude people like CMA. For some reason, that's a very comforting thought.

Just put that shit in an online dating profile, man. I've put in mine that I'm only looking for uncircumcised guys and I still get hits. No offense to the cut dudes, I know it wasn't your choice. I just don't want to mess around with a cut cock. It just doesn't do it for me, at all.

SMALL, back home we have a say. "Better small and playful than big and boring" You go on with your bas self and small dick, as long as the bottoms enjoy it, who gives a fuck?

Regarding SMALL - it isn't only closeted queers who attack the thing they are closeted for. Call the makers of small dick jokes on their insecurities. (And check the non-verbals from your former lovers carefully, they may be exhibiting passive aggressive hostility).

For FP - why not a dildo on occasion?

Not liking the fetish haters here in the comments. Don't kid yourself--almost all men have very strong preferences about appearance/features in their partners. It might just be weight or a pretty face, but those preferences are hidden from women since men can rule out certain women simply by looking at their picture on a dating site or seeing them at a bar. I want to give words of encouragement to the big clit/shaved pussy lover--there are women out there who are beyond GGG and actively love the power that satisfying a fetish gives a woman.

You know, it's so juvenile to make fun of small dicks...really? Still stuck in that hypercritical/hypocritical "high school" phase, are we? Those *types* of people are the same type who picked on me for being skinny and having small tits as a young teen...the same kind who weren't around to see the knockout hot body I grew into...and the same kind I consider myself way too good for now because I grew up too, left all that high school immaturity behind, and have thoroughly enjoyed the pleasures this body has afforded me. SMALL, don't let your cock size become a self-esteem issue for you again, not after you dealt with that when you were younger and became comfortable (clearly you know how to use it right!). Believe me, this is definitely a case of "It's not me, it's you..."

As for shaved/natural...I myself get turned on by a shaved pussy in porn, so that I understand.

And finally, I thank whatever lucky stars I was born under daily that I don't live in the US. Don't get me wrong, in a lot of ways, it's a great place, but wow...place is so f*cked up when it comes to sex, sexuality, reproduction, social issues, and economics.

Thankyou for the plug about what is happening here in Indiana. We're all very, very nervous.

But it's not just planned parenthood that's in trouble.

http://www.courierpress.com/news/2011/ma…

http://www.nwitimes.com/news/local/govt-…

mitch is workin hard to turn this state into proof that he's a good little republican.

oh, can't post links, huh?

well, gay marriage/civil union ban is on its way

and now we lost have the right to resist ILLEGAL police home invasions.

they're also working hard to cut funding to poor, inner city schools so that upperclass suburbia can get more.

@24. Personally, I don't think pubic hair gets in the way. I think it protects you from chafing. Armpit hair, now that really does have no purpose.

@11 You're supposed to have hair down there to hold your scent. We have long brainwashed people into believing that smelling like ourselves is gross and unnatural. That ship of silly has sailed.

If you bathe and put on perfumes/lotions, you are already fighting your pubic hair. You might as well shave it off. You've already removed its purpose. All it is doing at this point is obscuring the view.

I am just like you. My cookie almost always has icing on it. I get the itchy rashes right away and the ingrown hairs days later. My husband is like Mr. J so I mix it up. I shave on special occasions and sometimes I let it go wild.

So, I'm not defensive in telling you why you got the reaction you did.

Giving a mandate on what a snatch is SUPPOSED to look like is almost like you're making a moral judgment on a grooming preference. That's a hard position to defend. While you didn't say pedophilia, defending this particular position will be almost impossible to do without dipping into the pedophilia arguments.

That's why EricaP sees it on the horizon.

@24. Pubic hair doesn't get in the way. If protects you from chaffing. Armpit hair, now that does have no purpose.

I don't think people should be castigated for preferring bald pussies, whether on themselves or others -- we're all entitled to our preferences, after all -- but I think that more people should be aware that those perfect peach-fuzz pussies one sees in porn are not the post-depilation default. Most of the denuded lady-bits I've encountered (my own occasionally included) looked more like newly hatched birds.

@43 thanks for sparing me having to type out something quite similar.

@20: My gut says if you don’t know what size your clit is, it is probably medium sized.

My best girlfriend (whose clit I have never seen, I must confess) says that hers is so small that no one, not even experienced lovers, can find it without a little guidance. Apparently, it is best located by touch alone (as a “small raised swelling”) than with the naked eye.

I, on the other hand, have something so large down there I have often wondered if I got too much testosterone in the womb. As another commenter pointed out, it has caused a great deal of insecurity in the past, although I’ve never had a lover that complained (“hey! It’s so easy to find!”).

My gut tells me that our parts are probably even more variable then men’s. Natural selection has been working for quite some time on penises to make sure they are the ideal size and shape for insemination. The same cannot be said of the clitoris.

I just made a donation to Indiana Planned Parenthood "in honor or of Mitch Daniels." They'll even send him a note to tell him. If you want to do the same, here's his address:
200 W Washington St # 206
Indianapolis, IN 46204-2731

What about shaved dicks? I like a well trimmed guy with shaved balls. Is this just a gay thing or do woman like their guys to clean up down there? It's funny because I was thinking about this very thing this morning and then this letter about shaved vaginas.

As to small dicks I have always been on the low side of average and then got struck with a disease called Peyronies. Want to talk about a confidence killer. My already small dick is getting smaller. But you know what, it doesn't matter because it still works and I have lots of fun with it. If the guy I'm with doesn't like it then oh well move on.

The jokes are just juvinille and your friends should be more sensitive. But did you ever think that they don't think you are small? Maybe you are average and you just think you are small. As Dan said you should bring it up with them.

I'm not too interested in helping CMA but Dan for future reference a good fix for this is called a clit pump. It is a very pleasurable intense experience that heightens arousal and sensitivity in women and *dun dun dun!* makes a clit as large as you like it. And there's plenty of ladies on fetlife into it. Or heck, tell him about fetlife! There is a big clit fetish and plenty of women who have one. I know I do. But of course you're right no one is into a capital A @sshole, so if you're not willing to actually get to know people before they show you their big C, you won't find many women interested.

Hey, for those of you in NYC, I hope you can come to this benefit show for Planned Parenthood.

http://thepermanentwave.wordpress.com/20…

xo

For those of you in NYC, I hope you can come to this benefit show for Planned Parenthood.

http://thepermanentwave.wordpress.com/20…

xo

Response about Dan's forearm suggestion. He isn't saying those folks should immediately start fisting. He is just saying that if you use something other than your dick, you can vary the size way more. Two fingers feel like a small dick, three feel like a big one, and then there is always the option of four, and different depths of your whole hand, fingers pointed, controlling thickness. Because when women complain about a dick feeling too small, the issue is much more often girth, not length. So sure, the max is a whole fist and forearm, or two, but soooo many options leading up to that. Not all sex has to be about the dick. That is all.

@49 Great post. I'm sorry to hear you have Peyronie's disease, but I thank you for educating me about it. Wiki says up to 10% of men (especially Caucasian men over 40) have the disease. And I just wanted to say that your attitude is fantastic.

Thanks again. (Oh, and to this girl, shaved balls are unnecessary because I still get my own damn hair in my mouth when I'm giving head. Less true for gay guys, I'm guessing.)

@51 - "There is a big clit fetish" and "plenty of ladies on fetlife into it"

I did not know that - thanks for spreading the word! There is a whole group devoted to "Lisa's Giant Clit and lovers of..." Good to know.

Wow, Dan. You really missed the mark on #1. CAM has a very strict physical requirement, and whether that's something he can work around (forearm equivalent?) or not, it's a relationship-changing issue that women deserve to know before they become seriously involved, or before they trust their bodies to this man to be enjoyed and not judged.

Some women might not choose to sleep with him after they find out, or feel like he's shallow and uncompromising. That would really be their prerogative, though. They deserve to understand the risks involved before generously offering their time and their bodies up to be approved or denied.

Wow, Dan. You really missed the mark on #1. CAM has a very strict physical requirement, and whether that's something he can work around (forearm equivalent?) or not, it's a relationship-changing issue that women deserve to know before they become seriously involved, or before they trust their bodies to this man to be enjoyed and not judged.

Some women might not choose to sleep with him after they find out, or feel like he's shallow and uncompromising. That would really be their prerogative, though. They deserve to understand the risks involved before generously offering their time and their bodies up to be approved or denied.

Wow, Dan. You really missed the mark on #1. CAM has a very strict physical requirement, and whether that's something he can work around (forearm equivalent?) or not, it's a relationship-changing issue that women deserve to know before they become seriously involved, or before they trust their bodies to this man to be enjoyed and not judged.

Some women might not choose to sleep with him after they find out, or feel like he's shallow and uncompromising. That would really be their prerogative, though. They deserve to understand the risks involved before generously offering their bodies up to be approved or denied.

@43, well, I may be defensive given that I've heard "Well my other girlfriends have kept theirs shaved" more than once, like it's supposed to be the default. By "supposed to" I'm indicating this is actually the biological default for the majority of the adult population, not making a sweeping moral judgment.

Personally, I don't view armpit hair the same way, really. It feels uncomfortable to me - I've let it grow quite a bit in winter. And it doesn't serve the all-important "buffer" purpose - shaving my armpits doesn't make me more likely to get a yeast infection. But that's my personal thing.

I think mainly I take a wide view of what is acceptable personal grooming, and I find hard and fast requirements within that range to be unreasonable. Like the guy who was very eager to be set up with me until he heard that I had a very small tattoo on my shoulder. That was just weird, though I think I dodged a bullet on that one. But then somebody might find my rather minimal personal grooming requirements rather primitive.

A preference is different from a demand. I prefer a big dick, but I don't demand one. My husband prefers long hair, but he isn't going to divorce me if I get a hair cut. What this man has isn't a preference; it's a fetish. A fetish so strong that he cannot function without it. It is, in some cases, a sexual dysfunction. If he can see it as a sexual dysfunction that a caring woman would have to overlook instead of a reasonable preference any decent woman would accomodate, he'll get further. But still, some day the woman will be too pregnant to shave, or too old and arthritic, and like any mammal, will grow hair. He's gonna have to live with it, or be alone forever.

#1 isn't quite an asshole, he's just got a fetish that can't really be described to prospective partners in non-asshole terms. Just keep holding out, CMA, and try to be nice to the ladies who don't fit the mold.

My vagina and I really don't give a shit how you prefer to keep your vagina, we just wish that people would stop feeling the need to ADVERTISE what condition it's in. Shaved or not, you stop being classy when you start fighting about it.

@55 I'm glad somebody finally pointed out that fisting doesn't mean that you have to go elbow deep. Using your hands/fingers is a great way to be able to have penetrative sex and control girth at the same time.

My dick is so big that i'm already fucking a girl tomorrow

When is a dick small big or average? When fully erect is 6" average? should it be below 6 small 6 average 7 or larger big? Shouldn't someone make a poll about this?

Could CMA and FP place ads on Fetlife looking for people's who genitalia suit their desires? They would have to be GGG, but if the bald, big-clitted girl of CMA's dreams loves pegging or the like, isn't that worth the time spent looking?

There is something really off about CMA. Had he said that big clits and bald pussies drive him wild, ok. But he is NOT turned on unless he has that combo.

Sorry, not buying it. I think he has created an unrealistic scenario that he is using as an excuse as to why he is unable to have a mutually satisfying relationship. The fact that he sees getting to know the person wearing the panties as a waste of time unless he finds that combo is very telling.

yeah, I've been thinking about it, CMA, and there really is no graceful way to smoothly guide a conversation toward clit size. i can't really see an obvious "yes, and speaking of..." kind of intro for you. er, sorry.

jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.co…

@1:

I think you missed this part of Dan's article, which goes like this:

"facts don't matter to right-wing shit-piles like Mitch "Social Issues Truce" Daniels"

Sorry, but even if it cost his *state treasury* billions more a year, his view is "you deserve what you get, you slut". Because sex is bad, mmmkay?

So don't even bother with an appeal to logic. Just call him a Socialist right out of the gate.

@71 Tim Horton

So you don't believe in fetishes? He has a fetish. It's a deal breaker. He isn't devaluing the women he goes out with, he just is lamenting the inherent contradiction that it's impossible to know up front what you can't know until at least a few dates in. It doesn't matter how great the woman is if this fetish need isn't taken care of. That's honesty and realism, not assholery.

Okay, so this week Dan had letters from two people who are picky about the genital size of their lovers.

It seemed like the dude was apologetic about his preferences where the female was unself-conscious in her letter. In my opinion this double standard in how you are allowed to feel about comes from our culture.

Dan didn't seem to thrilled with either person, but it seemed to me he might have been slightly less neutral with the dude. I am undecided about this, I can't really tell. What do other people think?

It seemed like the woman got a "that is life, this is how you proceed" reply about her preference for big penises whereas the guy got a "your preference, your PROBLEM" reply in regards to him wanting a woman with a big clitoris.

Thoughts?

@48

Brilliant! I just made one in memory of my mom, but I'ma go back and make a token donation in honor of Mitch Daniels.

@20 - totally. I have never seen another clit, at least not one on someone older than 2, so I have no idea if I have a big or small clit. Would love to know actually, now that you mention it!

@77 nyker

You've never seen porn? Also seeing the thing in person doesn't necessarily help. Men have access to rulers and still have not the slightest idea of their dick size.

@75 Yes, he did treat the big-clit-lover more harshly. Because he absolutely refuses to be with a small-clittied woman. He'd dump her on the spot. Whereas the big-dick-lover isn't such a dick about it, she's actually dated the guy for a while and gave him a chance to light her fire (even though he isn't).

Unusual preference vs unusual *requirement* = different treatment by Dan. It has nothing to do with gender, you tickle-brained pimpernel.

My boyfriend and I both shave because we are hair phobes who hate getting hair in our mouths. It has nothing to do with aesthetics. I get a hair in my mouth and spend like half an hour gagging and feeling like there's more stuck in my throat. I'm like Larry David in that Curb Your Enthusiasm episode.

Also, really, how long does it take CMA to get a girl to sleep with him? Most girls I know tend to do wait only 3 to 4 dates. That's not much of an emotional investment.

@80 But perhaps it feels like "too much" when the guy sounds like he places more importance on clit size over almost any other factor in whether he'd want to continue dating a woman...

@79 Mrs. DePointe

He didn't say "dump on the spot." He says that there is no need to continue to pursue the relationship. Granted the use of the word "return" is unusual, but he doesn't get into the details of how gently or not he breaks the news to her.

Dating leads to marriage or it leads to breaking up. We all have dealbreakers that we get around to finding out about. Sexual incompatibility is one thing that must be addressed, and no, that doesn't negate every other factor. Don't pretend you can just overlook it.

Don't shave or trim, but it's pretty much a moot point as I'm all but hairless naturally.

Having said that, I want to agree that perhaps some of the anti-shaving, "you must be a pedophile!" response may be a kind of reflex reaction to the "Eeewww, I feel so stinky and nasty if my pussy's not shaved clean - oh, but hey, I'm not judging YOU or anything" BS I've heard from other women more than once.

@74 - Mr.J: I totally get fetishes. Although admittedly mine are pretty tame and I can get a lot out of a relationship even if the exact fetish isn't realized so I can't totally relate. The part that threw me is his confession that he gets zero out of a relationship (at least sexually) unless this one fetish is realized. Are some people so sexually narrow that only one sexual ideal gives them ANY pleasure?

I have known a few people, guys in particular, that set up an unrealistic ideal and use it as an excuse why they can't form a relationship. Either way, I don't think he is an asshole, but he may be sabotaging himself.

5 cents please.....

@86 Tim Horton

I hope you don't feel I'm picking on you. We have a different idea of what a fetish is. What you describe is what I would call a preference. You may have a strong preference but as a preference it has room to be offset by other factors. A fetish is like needing a woman to have a vagina. If on date 3 you find out she doesn't have one you are going to recognize there is no point in going on. There are many other qualities that are important too, but some things can be absolute requirements.

Mr. J, no offense taken, I enjoy your perspective. And in fact, I think you have accurately differentiated between a fetish and a preference. I have preferences only - I am one of those guys who really and truly is just happy to be naked with women. All kinds of women. Everything else past the "woman" is a bonus feature.

Come to think of it, I do have a vagina fetish!

Which is probably why I have never noticed a big difference in clit sizes. Mind you my sample is only a couple dozen, but they all seem relatively the same size....

Here is a thought for LW1-to help spare the women he may meet, not because I think much of him. Maybe there is some type of nudist colony for singles that he could go to? Everything would then be on display.

As for shaving, I am middle-aged and have never tried it because I am afraid of ingrown hairs. Also, I am really sensitive as it is, and don't need anything making me more sensitive. I'd be willing to try the "baby chick" hair level maybe. I dated someone in their mid 50s and he was a complete PITA about wanting doing me it though. I didn't think that older people would be THAT into it.

No thanks, CMA. I can't find evidence worthy of calling you names. I'm inclined to think that you have a very specific fetish, though. Perhaps you could try a dating website and put it up on your profile? Here's hoping there are some ladies that meet your requirements. Treat the ladies with respect and kindness and you be "Call Me Specific". Good luck.

AT SMALL, embrace your superpower and work it. I think attitude is more important than size. Just my $0.02.

Hi Kim!

Hi Mr. J! I hope you're smiling.

@84, I agree, as someone who trims but doesn't shave, I know I can get a little defensive when confronted with the "Ewww, you don't shave, that's so gross - not that I'm judging, you can do whatever you want...even if it's pretty disgusting" response that some - by no means all! - some pro-shaving ladies (and guys!) have. Also, it's a little depressing when guys EXPECT you to shave and seem affronted (or shocked, especially if they're younger) if you're not willing. I think that sense of expectation and judgment is what tends to make non-shavers a little defensive at times.

There are good reasons to shave (smooth! no hair!) and good reasons not to shave (razor burn!) and it should really be a personal choice.

I think many men think they have a "small" dick when what they really have is average. I've been with little to "that won't fit in any hole I possess", and my opinion, and that of the majority of women I know, is that it doesn't really matter, unless it's on the extreme (micropenis or baby arm) side of either. And if it is, that's a greater incentive to get good at the things most people like a lot, like oral and manual stimulation. The one person I knew who was definitely self conscious about his size was an absolute master at oral. If that's what it takes, may all men be blessed with "small".

I, too, have no idea what size my clit is. I've never even thought about it. I mean, is it hard to find if it's too tiny? Or does it get in the way (of what?) if it's too big? I don't get it.

The only thing I can think of is that some men I've met who have bi fantasies/curiosities like to imagine a clit transforming into a dick. Less "gay" perhaps? It just grows and grows and next thing you know.. In which case, get your woman to wear a strap-on and go to town!

But really, I think this calls for a clit photo comparison, sloggers. I wanna run around bragging about mine - assuming we could figure out what men prefer, what small, large and average is, and where I fall on the spectrum. Yahoo group anyone? My curiosity is afire!

@84

nailed it!

Women need to lay off judging eachother so much - diversity is the spice of life. If women like keeping their hair and don't think they're morally or feministically (not a word, I know) superior for doing so, then good on them. If women want to remove it, and they're not doing it because they think they "have to" then good on them too.

P.S. if anyone wants to sit in a circle and sing kumbaya later I'm down.

In response to razor burn - that's what wax was invented for. I find the idea of putting something that could cut me near one of the most sensitive and useful parts of my body to be terrifying and I wouldn't do it.

@44 what? the only people I've heard refer to "chafing" of the genital region are men... with full pubic hair. I'm confused.

Re razor burn - your mileage may vary, but for me, the irritation & itchiness went away after a month of shaving down there. It was a really annoying month, but I've been pleasantly surprised to find I can go back and forth between shaved/trimmed and not notice any irritation.

re wax - ouch! On the other hand, I pluck the hairs which are easy to get to (ie, not the wobbly bits). So go figure.

Mr J - You're being a little too kind to CMA, not? He wants the benefits of having his fetish indulged or at least knowing it's possible without wearing the label and by so doing allowing those women who meet his requirements but who'd prefer not to date someone who's with them primarily because they pass a litmus test to opt out.

I don't want to call him names, but he's a bit cavalier for my tastes. "An awful lot of emotion, time, and effort are required to get that first look into a woman's panties." What if he were to date one of your favourites here, such as Ms Erica or Ms Kim or Ms Canuck or anyone else high in your esteem, finally after visits to the Opera or the Ballet on numerous occasions get the much-desired peek, and proceed to write off the acquaintance as a bad investment; would you not take exception to that? I should. I could say more, but it's late, I'm tired, and my computer ate the post over which I'd taken half an hour.

@EricaP

waxing barely even hurts once you've been doing it for a while - I'm less afraid of the razor burn than then thought of accidentally cutting myself. I'd probably cry!

This may be a stupid question but is there some sort of relation between clit size and sensitivity?

@101 - I waxed my legs once, and couldn't imagine doing that again. But it's really not so bad after a few times? Other people agree?

I've nicked myself a couple of times shaving, but less often than I've cut my legs -- because I'm more careful and because I use a new blade each time.

Perhaps CMA would be interested in meeting this gal... http://www.someecards.com/2011/05/16/wom…