Dan's response to TUSH was really great erotica. 'scuse me while I go rub one out now.

Using condoms is a smart idea, especially for first timers. Increased longevity! Also, lots of people get accustumed to condomless sex during LTRs and then hate switching over to condoms when they're with a new partner after the relationship ends. You don't want to be that guy that gets soft the second he puts a condom on. Huge turnoff for boyf number two. I always use condoms for anal anyway. I've heard people say that semen leaks out after anal but that doesn't realy make sense to me. Anyone want to inform me?

The answer to TUSH was great: sweet, encouraging, explicit. And it included the most awesome phrase ever in a graphic anal sex advice column: "listen to your mother."

Good pair of articles. They complement well!

Good response to TUSH, but I feel like there's some important info missing, namely how one (safely) gets one's butt "squeaky clean."

@1, the issue is that getting a dick or other object into an ass is a more complicated endeavor than getting a dick into a vagina or a mouth. I'm guessing that when TUSH says "we can't do it" he means that he can't get his sphincter relaxed enough to be penetrated easily and without it hurting too much.

I had no idea sex was so much WORK. It's a wonder anyone ever gets laid.

@2: LOL.

Wow the first response turned me on a little bit, and I'm just a bi-curious female. It was also very informative!
The second response got me laughing my ass off with "all over his sheets, pillows, walls, floor, boyfriend, ceiling, Xbox 360, cats, etc."

Uh, Dan ... two points. Or perhaps three.

First of all, at the first LW's and partner's ages (anywhere between 16-18), are they going to be able to get their hands on butt plugs legally? If so, then it would be a really good thing to be able to get a descriptive sex manual, too (probably with bonus pictures). So, if they can't walk into a sex store, you could have suggested getting some veggies that they could carve into various shapes and sizes before sliding them into a condom.

The second thing I'm surprised you didn't mention is that the bottom should bear down upon initial penetration to ease entry.

And, yeah, the third. I'm not surprised they didn't get any gay sex ed at school when straight sex is hardly covered either (unless it's the "Just say NO" uselessness).

Dan response to Tush could have been shortened by about 5 paragraphs with a link to any number of the good websites on how to prep/enjoy/initially experience anal sex as gay men. I'm guessing most breeders yawned through in the visual equivalent of fast forwarding (speed reading) and even many gay men (like myself) skimmed it.

@7
Not all sex is that difficult.

@11
Fun fact: the majority of people who have anal sex are 'breeders' (like myself).

Even in my day (the Cretaceous era) when sex ed in schools was more than abstinence ed, the mechanics of any kind of sex was never going to be covered. "Sex ed" was always strictly reproductive ed, and mostly warned about the dangers of getting what was quaintly still called VD.
I only remember one valuable piece of take-away advice (thank you, Coach Smith): "Remember ladies: men have nipples, too."

Also "I tried to talk to my mom about gay sex" was one of the most adorable phrases in SL I've ever come across. Kudos to her for having a relationship with her son where he feels comfortable asking her. Bummer she either
a. didn't know the answer
b. was too shy to give it
But still. That's really nice.

I absolutely hate anal almost as much as Dan hates scat and holy shit that sounds like fun! Good Job Dan!

TUSH use some of those wet wipes for grownups to wipe your ass real well beforehand; this will up the clean factor and make rimming and such more fun. Also... if you're feeling "full" down there... don't be shy to say "let's wait."

Reading your response to TUSH was like reading a cyber sex conversation. I loved it haha. It was informative too. Now I know why anal sex hurts so fucking bad...we've been doing it wrong this entire time!

TUSH, Dan's response to you was spot on - except for the thing @10 mentioned about you maybe not being able to get a butt plug. And you really should use something butt-plug-like for starters. If a butt plug or other smallish penetrative toy isn't available, find a SMALL (no thicker than a rather large thumb) and SMOOTH cylindrical object, which you MUST cover with a condom before insertion. Maybe the handle of a cooking utensil? You can get creative. But nothing made of glass!

Also, as somebody who enjoys anal intercourse a lot, I've nonetheless found that fingers really don't feel good for me. They have nails on them, and I can feel the edges of those nails even when they're short and smooth. Fingers are mostly made of bone, which is a lot less forgiving than even the hardest penis. And the skin on fingers can be rough, especially on a person who works with their hands, plays an instrument, etc. So I recommend toys and tongues over fingers any day. If fingers don't feel good to you, that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong or that other anal penetration won't feel great. Keep experimenting.

Skipper Jo @17: Fingers are good because they're very sensitive and can respond to little curves and nuances that toys can't. You should make sure your partner has neatly trimmed nails, and if the skin texture is rough get them to wear latex gloves. If you can feel the edges of the nails, get a bit of fine grade sandpaper and smooth them down.

Why don't you tell me 'bout the mystery dance?
I wanna know about the mystery dance!
Why don't you show me?
Cos I've tried and I've tried and I'm still mystified,
I can't do it any more and I'm not satisfied.

what 6 says - how to get squeaky clean would seem like an important question...

Ms Driasis - They must live in a parallel universe to be able to have such a conversation at all. It would be far too much, surely, to ask for it to be a success. I'm not sure I could even imagine such a conversation in serious vein.

Now I'll lose sleep wondering why I never thought I was failing gay, as I failed every other human attribute. I only tried once, and, predictably, it made me cramp badly.

@17 I would add that the object has to be not just small and smooth but also FLARED or really long, or have something bigger at its base, so it doesn't accidentally get lost inside your ass. But fingers are still the best.

Also, do online stores check your ID? As long as you have a credit card...

Your advice to tush was perfect and confirmed my own experience 100%. The only difference is that when I was his age -- 40 years ago! -- I had to figure it all out for myself, which took some time.

Wonderful column!

Very nice and informative. I would suggest silicone-based lube though. In personal experience I've found silicone based lube to be thicker and therefore allow a bit of a barrier. Also, water based lube tends to get sticky and absorbs into the skin, which makes for not fun friction.

TUSH find someone of legal age to go to a sex shop for you. Or you know...have your kick @ss mom get one on the internet for you. Geez, teenagers can find someone to buy liquor for them no matter what part of the country they're in, I'm sure you can acquire a sex toy. Not that DIY sex toys aren't fun, but they do have a habit of appearing in REALLY embarrassing ER stories every once in awhile.

interesting column this week. not that i'm bragging but after reading i know for sho i'm not gay.

@27 - ray, the fact that you feel a need to say it, makes me doubt you.

I don't know,

Maybe the problem some guys have with condoms being a boner killer is the thought: "Mama says I gotta wear this"...

Peace.

I think Dan Savage just talked me off.

Just want to underscore what @3 said: Yes, definitely, this is the best reason to wear condoms - to get accustomed to it so that when you don't have a choice, you still find it pleasurable. This applies even more to straight men who have PIV sex with women (the V tends not to give the same kind of friction as the A).

OMG, TUSH. Massive fail when Dan said you don't have to use a condom. You MUST use one when getting OR giving anal. Why? Guys lie. Young guys are horny. Young guys haven't had decades of figuring out how truthful a BF is being. Guys until about 25 are more impulsive than after 25 (science has proven it) so even if BF is a true love he may slip up and cheat. Later (like after mid-20s) is a good time to be old enough to figure out whether to trust a partner who says they're monogamous and drop the condoms after both getting tested as HIV-negative. Even if BF gets a blow job from another guy he can give you all kinds of other STIs in your butt if you're not using condoms. (STIs in throat too from oral -- but at some point the risk is worth it for condom-free BJs as the danger of *deadly* STIs is very low from BJs, very high from unprotected anal.)

On lube -- many people prefer silicone based lubes for anal as it doesn't dry out or get sticky, the thing to do is to make sure the lube has no oils as that's what causes latex condoms to break. Also, a very few people have allergies to latex, there are polyisoprene condoms which are non-latex and somewhat flexible. Put an old towel or t-shirt under your butt. Santorum happens.

Plus when you say you can't do it -- maybe your BF is losing his hard on? Anal requires a slightly harder hard on than other stuff and it doesn't mean he's not into you, some guys don't like to give anal. I'm a top and often don't like to give anal. I don't like getting ever, and only enjoy giving if the bottom is really, really relaxed. The anal sphincter that many tops enjoy is a boner killer for me if it's at all tight, I'm thicker than average but have a very sensitive shaft underside and topping is quite uncomfortable for me unless the bottom is really loose.

wednesday morning, had coffee, breakfast, went to work, took a quick break to read Dan Savage's weekly column...

now there is no shower hot enough to get clean...

So. Fucking. Hot.

@27: All Dan's column applies to any kind of anal sex, no matter whose anus you're trying to get into. Stop being so smug and take a note or two.

Dan, you're famous on BBC Radio! You got a mention (not by name, alas) about redefining Santorum. The Brits seemed -very- pleased with you. Have a listen: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b01…

#37, read #25.

I am kind of surprised so many people are mystified about how to clean their asses.

Get in the shower and clean it like everything else...with water and soap and some scrubbing.

#40, people aren't talking about the outside. #25 (who should register already) has the right idea for how to take care of this.

When getting your butts and other sexy regions squeaky-clean, do not --I repeat-- DO NOT use antibacterial soap. Just use regular everyday soap.

Antibacterial does what it says, therefore, it kills the bad AND the good bacterias, breaking up the natural equilibrium of your bacterial ecosystem and allowing other microbes, such as fungus, to proliferate. They may become a nuisance later on in life.

I hope that no one thinks that because the sex ed at TUSH's school didn't cover gay sex and that because TUSH's mother wasn't able to answer TUSH's specific questions, either the school or the mother are supposed to give that information. That's Dan's job, just like it used to be the job of the boys pitching pennies at the corner to tell boys about straight sex.

My sex-ed in school dealt with birth control and V.D. After I graduated, I learned that kids were also learning about larger issues in health class: things like anorexia, domestic violence and suicide, things that kids need to know to keep them safe. At no point did anyone deal with getting turned on or sexual technique or sexual acts. I'm rather glad they didn't.

If you run into a problem, and the schools teach that help is available from a clinic, that's one thing. Being taught about something that mysterious and joyful in an authoritarian setting strikes me as creepy. Thanks, HighSchool, for not bringing up the Kama Sutra, oral sex, sexual positions, or achieving orgasm. (And thank-you boyfriends over the years for providing patience, instruction, and hot sex.) Besides, it's not the school's job. None of that has to do with the basic decisions that keep teenagers safe.

Same for TUSH's mother. How on earth is she supposed to supply specific information for her gay son? I wouldn't want her to give that for a straight daughter. It's enough that a mother give the general atmosphere of sex as something wonderful under the right circumstances. (Where is TUSH's father? Though I'd say the same to him.)

And here I'm going to reveal my ignorance of gay teenagers. Were there no fantasies? Was there nothing you were dying to try in imagination that would make it clear how to proceed in reality? I was as clueless a virgin as ever existed. (Well, probably not true. I did have information on what went into what.) But I did have an active fantasy life. I had an idea of what would feel good (even if it later didn't, at least not right away).

@41

I was under the impression that the inside should generally be pretty clean if the person is healthy and isn't "full". I also dunno how healthy it is to give yourself enemas every single time you want to get down, either.

@29

Call me old fashioned, but shouldn't the thought of having sores all over your junk be even more of a boner killer?

* Maybe he should think "Dan Savage told me to wear this after writing me some personal erotica about anal sex" instead.

@41: You can't clean the inside without an enema basically, which people do not do before every time, and really should not. You just have to make sure you have unloaded yourself beforehand.

Anyone reading Dan Savage should know this by now, and honestly, I would have figured this was common sense. I mean, has anyone seen any kind of internal rectum sponge at the supermarket? Still mystified that people can not figure out how to clean their ass without step by step instruction.

The rectum is short-term storage, not long term. You should not have anything in there to clean out if you have taken care of this earlier, and are a healthy person.

@43

I think you could convey what Dan was saying in sort of a simpler less explicit way. Or she could find an appropriate resource and leave it in his room. The explaination Dan gave wasn't (in my opinion) really personal or about the adventure of finding out what turns you on. It was about how to do something sexual safely. I don't think it would be bad news if schools included a version of that info.

When I was in highschool I had an older gay friend who was turning himself out. That was my sex ed.

Yeah...that was unexpectedly hot, as well as expectedly informative. Thanks Dan.

@44 mydrasis-san,

Sigh, no one appreciates my attempts at humor :-(

@47,

(On a bad day) It seems like most school districts in the US would be lucky to cover contraception, let alone domestic violence or bullying. I may be wrong, but I would think a GSA would be a more reliable resource for what TUSH wants. Not to minimize TUSH's problem, but heck, I'd be happy if schools would be teaching debt management and budgeting, and other life skills that don't seem to make it as "education".

Peace.

@49

Hahaha - I'm sure some people do!
I'm pretty humourless about safe sex.
I think you're right about the school system though - they should be teaching all kinds of things that they don't. Learning budgeting would have been way more useful than gym class. God, I hated gym class.

@2--right? Damn Dan, that was hot!

Dan, emphasize lube and going slow while all by himself and with fingers and butt plugs. And squeaky clean, too, needs the go slow, be careful and gentle. (steel wool makes things squeaky clean, but I wouldn't recommend it!!!)

@mydriasis- gym class may have sucked, but at least it was an hour so of erotica during the day! Adolescent self shame not withstanding!

Poppers. Imported, not domestic. Works every time.

In addition to the above great advice, I suggest poppers. Imported, not domestic. They can be found on the world wide interwebs.

@53

What kind of gym class were you taking?? Haha

@54/55: Yeah, let's hold off on the brain-cell killing inhalants just yet, OK?

@58: My brain cells are just fine, thank you. What's that? What did you say? Nap time? Where am I? Who are you!?

@61
Um... hold the phone.
People under 80 use lube for vaginal sex?

@62 Actually most condoms down here in the states come packaged already coated with lube. A lot of companies also started pushing special lubes that are suppose to be "pleasure enhancers" just a few years back.

@62 Well that depends on how long you're gonna fuck, the vaginas natural lube has to be constantly produced during the entire intercourse and can really diminish in both quantity and quality after only 10 minutes in some women, and if you plan on going at it for more then 40 minutes you really should add some extra lubricant to protect the mucus membranes. Also if the woman is going through any form of cancer treatment or any number of medications that reduce the production and efficiency of vaginal lube it can be very helpful.

Yep, it is definitely a changing world when a gay teen can even ask his mom about gay sex, and where an explanation on anal sex can include the line "listen to your mother".

Can't fault mom for not knowing what to say about gay sex. That she gave the condom speech makes her OK in my book.

I'm just glad that kids have resources like Dan around these days. When I was a teen who didn't know the first thing about these things the only options was trial and error. I wish we had this information just a mouse click away back then. Would have saved a lot of time and a fair bit of discomfort.

@gash

Hahaha, yes, lubricated condoms are not exactly a new innovation. In fact, we have them all the way up here! That's sort of to my point?

@friends

Ten minutes? That's pretty shocking.
I've never had that kind of problem, and kind of assumed that my experience was typical of young people (terminal illnesses being a seperate issue).

Squeaky clean: Give yourself a quick water enema before-hand. There's kits, there's even shower head attachments.

@66 mydriasis,

My wife went through a "dry spell" before her anti-allergy treatments (using antigen injections, I believe) were completed. For a while there pretty much every mucous membrane she had was dried out. Even when you aren't dried out, it's kind of fun to get super slippery sometimes.

Peace.

@66 Lucky you. You know what they say about assumptions.

(Sorry, this is a sore spot with me. I don't stay lubricated very long, so comments like yours @62 read like there's something wrong with me. Condoms seem to just completely dry up my own natural lubrication. I get ten minutes if I'm lucky.)

Congrats, Dan, on Savage U and to Eli Sanders for his Pulitzer!! WOW!!!!

@71

Is that supposed to be a fat joke? Or... I don't get it?
Besides, that doesn't even fit the bill for ageist.

So... fail on both counts I guess.

@69/68

Hey, live and learn.
Diversity is a beautiful thing.

Uh...yeah, people under 80 use lube for vaginal sex. Are you new to sex? Or just bad at it?

@73

Haha, easy tiger.

If not needing the drug store's assistance to get wet makes me "bad at sex" then.... I think you have kind of a twisted view of what makes sex good? But as I said above, it takes all kinds of folks to make the world go 'round.

Just to chime in with the "that was totally hot" crowd...that was totally hot.

And I've used lube for vaginal sex for years. I just like it. I'm not always as naturally wet as I could be when I'm turned on, no big deal.

All solid advice for TUSH, but I'd like to add a little bit about cleanliness.

There are douches and enemas and the like, and some people prefer them, but I want to stress that they are not essential.

My boyfriend and I have excellent anal sex (taking turns to bottom) and we only rarely use internal flush-outs devices of any kind. Our clean-out procedure is usually as follows:

1) Sit on the toilet for a while. Be patient, relax, and let your body get rid of anything that's hanging around in there. If you're not too eager to get started, doing this for a good ten minutes is not excessive. Don't push hard, though - just relax and let your body do its thing.

2) Wipe gently. I can't over-stress this. Several times I've fucked up the entire process by being too rough during clean-up and making myself too tender for fucking. If you have access to a bidet, use it. In fact, minimal clean-up is required, because next you will...

3) Have a shower. Get yourself soaped up thoroughly and get squeaky clean. (Uh, but don't get any soap inside yourself. That stings.) Again, be gentle. Don't use a rough sponge or loofah. Be kind to that sensitive hole of yours.

That's it! Dry off (yet again, gentle with that towel!) and off you go. My boyfriend and I will quite happily engage in all kinds of play after this, including rimming (which is AWESOME - first thing that ever made me realise anal play could feel good). The only thing we'll use a full flush-out for is fisting, because I top in that activity and I'm squeamish about poo. :P

One thing people won't often mention about intrusive flush-out methods is that they can cause irritation and actually make anal less comfortable. Your colon is lined with sensitive membranes, and water isn't supposed to be up there.

Another thing douche advocates may not mention is that water can get trapped a long way up, and get expelled at really bad times. This is pretty disgusting when it happens - Santorum galore. If you decide to go with a flush-out device, spend a LONG time making sure all of that water has been expelled from your body before you start playing.

I learned a lot from a book I bought years ago... urm, I think it was called The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men. Cleaning, positions, easing into it... lots of great advice. I wouldn't be the slut I am today without it.

@17 - Snap. Fingernails, knuckles, rough skin... fingers suck for anal play. Stick with toys and cocks.

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, 2nd Edition by Tristan Taormino is a great guide for beginners. Obviously the clitoral stuff won't apply to a guy, but the info about lube, foreplay, hygiene, technique are applicable to anyone with an asshole. I believe Dan has had Tristan on his show in the past. I recommend you add this book to your collection (or what I affectionately call the "Dan Savage Book Club").

@62 - If there is one thing I wish I had learned about sex in junior high (as a straight girl), it was about how natural vaginal lubricant may not be enough. I spent years feeling inadequate because I wasn't "wet" enough... as soon as I was introduced to the concept of lube, it was a total game-changer. So yes, people under 80 use lube for vaginal intercourse.

@43 I think an overemphasis on keeping kids safe actually makes kids less safe. The "safety first" cultural attitude forces every decision a teenager makes into two categories: bad, and good. Drugs are bad. Studying is good. Sex is bad. Vegetables are good. It's an attitude that does not encourage critical thinking, research, or competence. The result is, when teenagers decide to something bad such as have sex, doing it in a safe and enjoyable way hardly even occurs to them. The teenager who wrote to Dan could have easily googled anal sex and figured it out himself, or taken a few minutes to think through the pros and cons of condom use. Instead, he sought out a higher authority, because that is what society brainwashes kids to do. TUSH is obviously very concerned with what adults think, that is why he brought up bullying, suicide, and drugs, which have nothing to do with sex (hopefully) but everything to do with how society views teenagers. TUSH is lucky he has no authority figures in his life who tell him homosexuality is a sin.

Anal sex is also a safety issue. That area of the body is sensitive and if it is injured there can be disastrous consequences. Sex is also important to mental health. That is why in England, the government hands out pamphlets encouraging teenagers to masturbate on a regular basis. Imagine if they did that in America. Conservatives would probably commit mass suicide.

"Anal done right isn't painful..."

I agree in general, but that really depends on what you're going for. Sometimes when I have anal sex, I want it to hurt.

@81 I'm moving to England.

Poppers are a nitrate, Viva, and should never ever be used with any boner pills like Viagra or Cialis. Be sure to include that bit of info the next time your pimpimg out poppers

@81, I'm not sure you understand the importance of TUSH writing to Dan - yes, it's important for TUSH to get information, but it's also important to simply have this information out there for other people in TUSH's situation, and because Dan Savage's column is widely read - TUSH was absolutely right in asking someone who clearly knows what he's talking about. Simply googling "safe anal" doesn't necessarily give you accurate information - it's the same as using webmd instead of seeing a doctor. There is too much information on the internet, and it's not always reliable.

I also think that generalizing sex into the category of a "bad" teenage activity is part of the problem. Sex is NOT a "bad" thing to do, and being sexual is part of human nature - so telling kids that having sexual urges or wanting to experiment is wrong - it creates a lot of self-hate and unnecessary shame. It's tough enough to be a teenager today without being told that you're natural urges and feelings are wrong.

Lastly, yes anal sex can be dangerous - but so can vaginal sex and oral sex. The entire point of Dan's message was how to have SAFE anal sex.

@33: Nope. Dan said TUSH should use condoms, for (in part) exactly the reasons you list. However, because all of us are entitled to bodily autonomy/agency, no one must use condoms for any sort of sex (unless one's partner[s] put[s] condom use out there as a requirement for any or a given sexual activity, in which case consent is dependent upon condom use, and not using a condom - starting with one and removing it later or simply starting said activity sans condom - would be rape).

@86 I think you are removing what I said from the context in which I said it. I was responding to somebody who is grossed out by the idea of sex ed classes teaching anal technique to teenagers. I didn't say anal is dangerous because I am trying to make anal sex seem terrifying. I said it is dangerous because I was replying to somebody who thinks high school classes should only teach about things that concern safety... so I was making the point that anal sex technique actually is about safety.

I don't think TUSH did anything wrong by asking Dan for advice, but I admit I find his approval seeking behavior distasteful. I was using that behavior as an example to make a point about health class and the way society conditions young people to behave. Society conditions teenagers to submit to the will of authority, and it does not teach teenagers how to use their own judgment.

You're correct that googling safe anal will not always yield good advice. However, asking gay men for advice will not always result in good advice either. There is bad advice and good advice to be found from every possible source, and it is our job to be sort out good information from bad, no matter what the source is. I think it is depressing that so many people cannot sort out truth from fiction without being told what to think. We aren’t mindless drones who must accept all information that is funneled into our heads without question.

It's funny that you compare Dan Savage to a doctor. He is just a regular guy who writes about sex for a living. If you think teenagers should seek out the most knowledgeable people possible, TUSH should be talking to a real doctor, e-mailing somebody who studies sex for a living, checking out research papers on anal sex from the library, ect. I'm not saying Dan's advice is bad, because it isn't, but reading a sex advice column is not really that much different from googling. I have seen plenty of sex columns with stupid advice.

Please don't take this as a bash against Dan. I am very glad he is around to advise people to approach sex in a thoughtful and careful, yet non-fearful, way. It's not Dan's fault that kids are so helpless and pathetic. It's the fault of society for demanding that kids be perfect, and for treating that any stray from perfection is a sign of that kid being a "failure." TUSH thought of himself as a failure, and I am happy that Dan is around to tell him he is in fact, not a failure. I just regret that he ever thought he was a failure in the first place and he needed somebody to tell him otherwise. I can’t help but be depressed that he feels the need to justify his homosexuality by saying he was never bullied, suicidal, or a drug user. It's pathetic. It’s like when you hear a black person tell you they are not “ghetto.”

The only reason I'm going on this anti-society rant in the first place is because I was replying to somebody who thinks health class is fine and dandy the way it is. Health class is just another part of the larger education machine that beats logic and common sense out of children and conditions them to hate themselves for stupid reasons. If TUSH were not a victim of our educational system, this letter would have never been written. That’s a hypothetical situation though, and since we are living in the real world, it’s a good thing that education victims are able to write to Dan and get good advice. I basically agree with you, I think.

Ms Comment - Not being bullied/suicidal/drugging might have seemed like potentially useful information, especially given the way the letter was framed.

I think you're attempting to avoid victim-blaming, but not quite succeeding. I'll agree that society has much for which to answer.

Dan, you clearly know what you're talking about on this one.

@90 Really? I don't see how that is useful information.

I honestly don't think TUSH deserves blame. My attitude was really similar when I was 17. I despise myself for it but I don't put the blame on myself.

@89,

HA, googling safe anal sex is (very soon) likely to point to this column! For that reason, amongst others, let's hope we get things right and easily understood.

I've learned a lot about many things that a straight, monogamous, married father might never know to be important. It doesn't hurt that a lot of it is fun, funny, and wickedly erotic.

Peace.

@88

Sigh.

It was meant to be an exaggeration. And again, I don't think it really qualifies as ageist, but if you have a case for why associating a specific, hormone-related loss of function with aging is offensive (offensive to who?) then I'm glad to hear it.

The reason I asked is because I've never experienced the need to use it myself and never heard of a friend using it either. I was legitimately wondering if this was a 'manufactured need' situation. I figured there was a chance that people would be uptight about the facetious way I phrased it, but it's SL, so less than usual.

"...your boyfriend will be a better top if he knows what it feels like to be penetrated and enjoys penetration himself."

All hetero guys who think their girls owe them anal need to read and heed this sentence.

"...your boyfriend may be tempted to start banging away, porn-star style, but that would be a huge mistake."

And this one. Too many guys think anal feels for us everyday girls who dabble in it maybe once every election cycle the same way it feels for starlets like Belladonna, Bisexual Britni, or any of the hundreds of actresses who've taken it up the ass a thousand times because that's what they do for a living. Read and heed.

Most of the advice Dan gave to TUSH I learned by reading Harry Potter slash written by straight middle-aged women. It's all there: going slowly, lots of lube, fingers, butt plugs, cleaning, different positions... :-)

Hey now. Y'all need to back off mydriasis @whatever comment was made about lube for vaginal sex. Her experience is not your experience, etc etc. Tact goes a long way in both directions.

I use lube for vaginal sex that involves insertion of anything that doesn't have skin. I also use lube when I masturbate with or without insertables. Female ejaculate (I know, this is going to start the pee or not pee arguement again) is a different consistancy than regular vaginal secretions, and will flush away all that luscious wetness, so lube for extended g spot fun followed by a good fucking. And I use lube for round 3, 4 or more, when the semen from the previous rounds gets a bit tacky. I love good lube, and I'm bummed that my favorite has been discontinued. If anyone can get me some Hydra Smooth on the black market, let me know.

@98

Actually it's not even close!

Joke is, you go on to make essentially the exact same statement (just in different terms). That lube isn't for young people because we'd "better" be drenched. (See the many posts above where people said this wasn't the case). If you think it's offensive to be compared to someone older than yourself, then you're the ageist one, not me.

Re: the geriatric phrase... I vaguely remember posting that phrase. I think it was because you expressed some sort of out of touch bigoted viewpoint or used some sort of previously-acceptable-now-offensive nomenclature (like the one at the top of your post! I felt like I was reading an except from to Kill a Mockingbird). I think in that case I was making reference to your age to suggeset that you weren't actually as racist/homophobic/whatever as your post implied, just out of touch. Much in the way that people's parents and grandparents say things that weren't offensive in their time but are offensive now.

Your posts are peppered with such language. Plus also you're a bully.
That's why I don't feel bad about offending you.
Which clearly I have!
Get a fucking tissue and get over it.

#77: Thanks for the great info. Although your process may work okay for a co-habitating couple who plan in advance, what about those out for a good time?

What I mean is suppose you are out at a bar for a few hours and hookup? Or have a dinner date that lasts awhile and then go home together? You can't very well do some extensive bathroom process while the other guy waits.

Also, unless you have super clockwork bowels, you are not going to be clean enough without douching. I am an athlete and find that my regularity varies day to day. Some days I just know its not going to be a good idea to bottom.

Finally, I would disagree about sitting on the commode for extended periods of time. That can lead to hemmorhoids. A doctor told me once that unless your body starts right away when you sit, you should leave and come back later.

@94 If you or your friends ever give birth, you may learn that things change.

barfuss i must admit i did read the entire column ...twice even!