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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
And they can't tell the difference? I figured tuna....
Jack in the box could attend the sessions occasionally, to see if he doesn't develop a taste for heavy bondage, or to film them, which his BF might enjoy later. He could also just bring a book to read while he's there, if he's not interested in the bondage but is worried about what might happen when he's not.
That's only some of the Time.and none of us fancy that smell. Or maybe some do.
But Mayo? Some guys are way easily duped.
@6, Yes, that's what I was thinking: JITB could accompany Jack without giving permission to the bondage tops to do anything at all to JITB. But maybe JITB knows these guys are jerks who won't take no for an answer. Coming to film once in a while is an excellent suggestion, Ricardo.
as to mayo, the real deal, or any other substitute... who cares as long as it does the trick. is that Pussebo effect? Seriously doubt you can get an std unless those panties are being fedexed overnight.... you could probably get a yeast infection on your tongue under just the right conditions... but it seems like a minimal risk.
Filming would keep him busy so he doesn't get bored, he'd have to be paying attention so he might discover a thing or two that seem fun to him, or it could awaken his voyeuristic side if he has one. He could then watch it with the BF who could explain how he feels while the other guys are doing this or that to him, which might pique JITB's interest.
Then again, I could be wrong. I guess you could say we can't know for sure until we open the box.
He describes them as "two guys that I like well enough but don't find attractive at all", so he doesn't seem to think they're jerks. That doesn't mean they actually would take no for an answer, though, depending on how they define their role as tops.
With so few details about the LW's relationship with his wife (does the wife know he's bi, does he sometimes have sex with men on the side that she's aware of, etc.), we have no idea how the conversation might go, but wouldn't you agree that it's still better for her to know?
As for Dan thinking that this is a "regular person" kind of problem, that's not what he says at all. He states that "regular people" have done sex work, and that sex workers are "regular people". Wouldn't you, as a former sex worker, agree with this, at least with the second part?
Good thing they used a "p" instead of another "k."
Very understanding wife.
The smell of skunk.
In all the time I've been reading Savage's column (since its inception) I don't think I've ever seen a letter from a woman who's into feet. I'm sure it's not an exclusively male thing but it wouldn't surprise me if 95% of people who are into feet are guys.
@26, I like sucking on a nice clean big toe, but I think of it as part of my general oral fixation wrt male body parts rather than specifically about feet.
Millions of women around the world have been reading of kinks just these last few yrs. Having Fantasies bout finding that special boy to tie them up.
The books that one dare not name, because everyone has such a melt down about them.
Still, they have introduced women to the idea of bondage. So yes, tell the vanilla or pepermint chip women, that you are going to meet.
You may find that they find it a big turn on.
LW3; Not freaked out by this? Well you may not be freaked out by this, but c'mon, what sort of marriage have you got?
Not one with truth between partners at the cornerstone of it. Can't find another way to make ends meet? This rent problem not one you both have?
You haven't given us enough infomation re how you and your wife incorporate your bi nature.
But sucking cock for money, and what, not telling her ever? Only worrying about not getting STDs, rather than concern you are living a lie, as well as concern re STDs.
And you're a father. Teaching your kids lies are ok.
Tell her. And good luck. Cause you may just find you become a separated father.
It is obvious to the rest of us how ridiculously self-absorbed and NOT GGG this is, but obviously is not to JITB, so you're "Yup" is pointless. If the only purpose of this column is to show letters, not give advice, you may as well leave the commentary off.
So, to JITB, you are being self-absorbed and uncaring. If your partner means so little to you that you can't handle a couple hours of boredom every once in a while to keep them feeling sexually fulfilled, maybe you don't care enough about this person to be in a relationship with them.
layers of latex gear, hooded and gagged, strapped down inside a coffin-like "bondage box" with the lid closed and padlocked shut.
sounds pretty extreme to me. I don't think not wanting to do that means the letter writer doesn't care about his partner. The fact that he's considering letting his partner get his needs met elsewhere, even if the idea slightly bothers him, indicates he cares about his partner's happiness.
Lately, I've been thinking this advice is oversold--we tend to overlook the fact that anything that's both intimate and unusual tends to freak people out if it's disclosed too soon. For most people, even if it's a kink they might be interested in, there's still that early period where it's too soon to bring up something like that.
FWIW, I suspect that the younger you are, the longer that early period is--partly because everyone involved is less likely to already know what they're cool with and what they aren't.
"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all."
Not that Ms Lava quite called applied the Moral label, but it was close enough to provide a good excuse to quote dear old Oscar, especially in response to a near-quote of the dreadful Bosie (such a rivulet).
And ciods @ 32 is right: being GGG does not mean having to do things that you really don't want to do.
I think that kinks should be disclosed before sex. Not his whole history, just that he's into rope bondage. He doesn't have to spill on the first or second date but if he tells people he has long term intentions, he should spill before sex with them. It looks shady if it's not casual and he hides a potential deal breaker until after he's laid.
Foot guy, Jesus, I'd let you do it if you just bought me pedicures and threw in nice foot massages!
To me, SHARE sounds more like he's decided to lower his standards in order to widen his dating pool. It's not a bad idea; if you've limited yourself to one subculture for a while and haven't found anyone, try dating people you wouldn't previously have considered.
It works.
As to the GGG idea... I love it and i consider myself very GGG. But, if your partner has a kink that requires WAY more effort than any that you have...its hard to keep any semblance of balance. Its human nature to seek fairness. If i told my partner that one of my dealbreakers was that i needed her to have occasional quickies, and her response was a dealbreaker that required me to spend hours tying her up, flogging her, etc.... I would hope she would accept a 10 to 1 ratio. A kink that takes 5 minutes to fulfill should not be considered the same as one that takes 5 hours. Just a thought.
Envious of your males.
"I'm uncomfortable with the idea of him going over to play with these men without me there, but I find these bondage sessions really tedious."
If watching your partner do something that they really enjoy is so boring that you don't want them to be able to do it at all (not, that squicks me out, or pushes my boundaries.. just sooooo boooorring), that's not reasonable. Hence the not GGG thing. not being willing to spend a couple hours of "tedious" watching every once in a long while (or until JITB feels comfortable with their partner going alone) is not GGG.
But if you have years of experience with a particular kink and you know you love it, then it should be disclosed soon after you start having sex with someone and the relationship seems to be getting serious. Let's say: disclose before you say "I love you." I just know too many people who wish now that they had been more honest ten or twenty years ago. If the person has experienced good sex with you, and runs away at the disclosure of a kink, then what do you think the odds were of that relationship lasting for decades if you didn't disclose?
It seems like our kind of people often overlook that--that someone's list of giant red flags isn't static. I mean, if your husband has had some thoughts about water sports, and you hear about it in the first decade, it's probably fine; but if the same guy brings it up in the first hour you've known him, that's probably going to be different. That wouldn't mean you're a prude who all right-thinking kinksters should avoid. We have a tendency to assume that someone who isn't cool with hearing about kinks right away is someone who can't handle dating a kinkster, but I don't think that's true.
Given that, I think the "when to disclose" issue is more of a live one than it's often treated as being--it can be hard to tell when something is properly disclosed in the first month, but disclosing it in the first hour is going to scare off otherwise-fine prospects. It gets more complicated because, like you mention, disclosure too late is just as much of a problem, so there's a (sometimes narrow) window in which it's appropriate to bring it up, and this window can move based on a lot of different factors.
Though this guy's past is kinda hot, I think a little time is needed before telling all the parts of one self to the other. Especially if it's a kinky part.
Just so some attachment/ affection is built up first. Then the love interest has more to go on in responding to any disclosure.
@60, He has had a serious girlfriend for eight months now, and he is delighted that I am starting something that feels like it has potential to last. Unfortunately, my new dom is not local, so that's frustrating, but we've had two visits in the past month and another one planned for the end of the month, and lots of chatting in the meantime... It has been interesting figuring out how two doms can share a sub without stepping on each other's toes, but it's working out well so far.
Ask Cinderella for details.
Ordinary people may have a tougher time.
Oh, and put on some lipstick.
Except maybe the first letter.
The rest of them, nah, not bad boys to me.
The cock sucker is not a bad boy , he's a shit boy.
A pretend bad boy there.
The panties guy? Like yeah. Just smelling some random woman's mayo, is of course not going to mean anything to him.
The buried and locked into a box guy, is he a bad boy? Sounds like a man
who trusts those around him way too much.
Is he a good cook? Or handy with an iron?
Bartering- much better look.
I am a dominant woman who, among other things, likes to tie men up, give them a good spankig, then put them on their knees and make them pleasure me while calling me "Master". The thrill this gives me is undescribable. Unfortunately, I have extremely limited sources to turn to, as these kinda of desires from a woman are very unusual and unheard of. Culture and porn portrays women as meek, submissive objects, whose sexual fantasies are about pleasing men. When a woman plays the role of a Dom, it is usually to satisfy, once again, male fantasies not her own.
If one wants to experience "new" kink, flip the gender role scripts for a change.
2. FTWL
3. My first instinct is to advise LW to buy his wife some nice pearls in which to vacuum. I suppose this exemplifies why the role of He Handles the Finances doesn't get an unconditional FTWL from many of the feminists I've seen address it, and I don't blame them. I'm almost sensing a story here in which she's supplementing the grocery money in the same way, and they'll learn about it when each is booked by the same client fro an MMF. As for other aspects of the letter, one could spin out the cross-examination for a nice little supply of daily refreshers.
4. I hope there's a good deal we haven't been told about LW's lamentations. Given how relatively low voltage this is on the GGG scale, one would certainly think Barter With a Partner before Pay a Professional.
5. On the plus side, Jack is not stinting on the vanilla. Filming as an end in itself (if the other two are fine with it and LW is fine with their having a copy) seems about as far as it's likely to get; I'd not hold my breath for it to be the Magic Gateway. I'd like to go into LW's feeling pressured in greater depth.
6. I might play my X card here. (The X card is something new some people are inserting into role playing games in order to avoid being triggered.)
Not sure where you are located, but in at least one place I know where there's an active, growing bdsm community there's always a shortage of dominant women. All sorts of. And calling one "master" (should I capitalize it Master?) seems like a fairly small price, potentially even a turn on, to many submissive men
The trouble with those books are many. When I went to see the movie, I copped the mothers and baby viewing
Session. That was sad.
All these mothers, babes in arms, whose husbands probably look at them all now as just their children's mothers.
The lights were up, so it was pretty surreal. I went again, for a proper adult viewing.
And as Venn has pointed out, badly written stories.
So, where are the books, written by women like you? I'd read them.
Like the sound of a man calling me master. I'd have a few more chores waiting for him, once he'd pleasured me.
Hot story. Thanks for sharing it.
All we women can do, is push back.
It seems reasonable, though I'm not sure where I'd put that. Certainly inappropriate before the first month, but overdue before the end of the first decade, so it seems like a good candidate for "first year" in my crazily crude scale of relationship timelines.
Kink disclosures vary, though, based on how kink-appropriate the context is. Mentioning that you used to do public displays of rope bondage is probably fine within the first minute at a BDSM munch, but not so much in the first minute on the subway.
Some more inequality:
How about women paying men to send them their soiled underwear, or a female foot fetishist placing an ad and offering money
Getting tested for STDs is important, but most places don't swab your throat--which can also harbor many of the bugs and is where *you* would be most likely to catch them. Find a clinic that tests you appropriately.
Not this woman.
LavaGirl You are right! I need to write a book about a woman Domme and her male slaves whose life purpose is to keep Her happy by doing chores all the way to appeasing her sexually.
His boxers. No. Never.
Being a woman who has lots of fantasies about sexual plays in public Places, I'd rather enjoy the elevator story happening to me.
Gddss; Do it. Write it. Let us know how it's going.
My point is that, at least in my experience, there is way more demand for women for different fetishes and acts, hence the "inequalities." The stuff that some men are willing to pay for, since it's very hard for them to get it any other way, is unheard of among most women.
Gddss- you never replied to my first post just saw red at the second one.
Chairman- a "he" is fine in this context, thanks for asking.
I'm on the other side of the continent
Ever placed an ad in any site like fetlife or alt.com?
Even cl may work. Playing with a novice or "curious" can be a lot of fun
Keep us posted as who and how. If you have your own "facility" you can also make some money
That is one weird direction to go in.
Perhaps you're young; popular culture portrayals of BDSM do seem to have swapped genders starting with the film Secretary. In any case, there are a lot of resources out there and a lot of men waiting to submit to you. Good luck!
If it weren't for Mr Savage's frequent misuse, I'd be tempted to say that this ought to be the one site where people would know the difference. Once upon a time, I'd have guessed this to be a regional marker, but it seems to have spread.
I only know something about the commercial side of BDSM. In that world, dominant women outnumber submissive women 50 to 1 or something like that. I can't imagine a female dominatrix having trouble finding submissive men.
If she invests in the right gear she may have a right to ask for a return of her investment.
As this week's column proves some men may be desperate enough to buy mayonnaise soaked panties.
If you provide a decent, honest, agreed upon act and invest your own money to create the environment I don't see a problem with it. This not prostitution and it's not as weird or uncommon as you may think. The payment stuff also helps set the tone and the dynamic between the dominatrix and her subs right from the start.
She has the right to use it any way she wants, the money suggestion is only part if it.