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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
They all just look so..
No, there's not really a middle. If you have a disguised visceral reaction to the scent of your partner, you should find someone you want to be around.
I honestly don't know how you'd spend that much time around them, don't be so desperate to get laid that you lead them on? Let them find someone who wants to be around them and stop wasting their time.
LW, agree with Dan here. If you are attracted to trans* women, what's the problem? They are women, as Dan says.
A family is started by two people who love each other.
It's going to be hard to get serious this week. I'll laugh each time I open up SL. Joe has excelled himself.
A snail? Slow and steady. There's a XXXX beer in oz.
The guy into trans women may have hoped for a different answer. Something along the line of, “Don’t worry, it’s just a faze in your life, you’ll grow out of it.”
Which he might. Or not.
Dan’s answer was probably the best considering the circumstances, but we are still missing some key elements that could help us see the bigger picture (yes, just like any other letter in here):
Does he already have or even want any non-sexual interaction with trans women?
Is there a certain type of trans woman he is attracted to? i.e. is it more of a fetish stuff than potential relationship?
Another possibility is finding a certified organic female who may also be into trans women and/or willing accommodate his desires to some degree or another.
As the owner of a pussy, I usually am aware when she is a little off. Even a perfectly healthy pussy varies in aroma and taste over the course of the month, and maybe according to diet or according to normal variations in flora that do not rise to the level of "infection." Most of the time, a quick scrub is all that is needed, but sometimes I have nixed cunnulingus, even though it is my absolutely favorite sex act, because Ms. puss just isn't in prime form. Call me old fashioned, but I think that it is my duty -insofar as possible- to present a pleasant genital aspect to my lover.
Also? If somebody is in a position to be going down on me regularly, often enough that he knows my smell and taste and notices deviations, then I trust them well enough and like them we'll enough to hear them say "honey, you know I love to lick you, but I think you've got something going on down there right now" without flipping out and accusing them of misogyny.
I really have no idea how someone can near-literally hold their nose while having sex with their long term partner. Have some self-respect, let alone some for your girlfriend, dude.
Seems to me that he may be avoiding something. Probably one or more of the following:
- acknowledging his own transphobia;
- acknowledging his own attractions (perhaps to transwomen, or to cock more generally);
- marriage & parenthood;
- settling down;
- his own gender issues (some people attracted to transwomen end up admitting they themselves are crossdressers or somewhere on the transgender spectrum);
- fear of death; and/or
- his issues with his parents (just throwing that in there for good measure).
Good ideas CMD. Certified Organic Woman( cow), did you intend for it to come out that way, I mean. Tits and milk, I get. But cow..
Oh. You said certified organic female
(cof). Lucky.
Her diet needs an overhaul. What sort of meds is she on. Talk with her about it, or it won't be long before you're out the door, LW. Scent, way too important in erotic play to be ignored.
It just seems so intrusive hearing about another woman's scent.
RAHP has a similar double standard here. Trans women are good enough to fuck, but not good enough to marry. He displays the same internalised shame over his sexual desires ("my sexual addiction" -- please, it's your sex drive, which is perfectly healthy, if not aligned the same way as most straight men's) and doesn't think that trans women who share his desires are respectable enough to marry. If he gets over his transphobia and his shame regarding his desires, perhaps he'll have some success in meeting the trans woman of his dreams. Until then, he doesn't deserve her.
This is one messed up letter. He says he's never been in love, yet has these emotions for the women he gets with. And sexual addiction, how is this sexual addiction?
This man is sexually attracted to trans* women, and he's conflicted about it. In my world, those I'm sexually attracted to are usually also the people I fall in love with.
I was out of town and away-from-internet for a month or so, so just yesterday I was reading through the backlogs I missed. I'm more of a lurker than a poster mostly, anyway, but I read a post of @nocute's about her Other dying. I want to say how sorry I am. And, if it's not too cheesy, it reminded me of a poem by Sandra Cisneros. It's called "I Am on My Way to Oklahoma to Bury the Man I Nearly Left My Husband For." I wanted to post it here, but somehow the spacing gets all screwy when I try, so instead, here's a link: http://bombmagazine.org/article/1569/thr…
Note to SL commenters: Some ad blockers will also block the link/icon to the comments section at the bottom of the column. You can turn off the add blocker for that page, reload the page and it will show up. Someone may have already pointed this out in a previous comment, but I missed a few weeks there.
@nocute My sympathies also. I'd like to share an old movie called "About Mrs. Leslie".
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0098VCRKI…
You can’t just fuck trans women, YOU SHOULD MARRY ONE, and liberal supportive people ask me seriously when and where I’m going to have my operation…
BiDan @ 20 was right to point to some issues arise from the letter and the questions asked, but we still don’t know the whole picture and what is it that the dude actually finds in trans women.
Few years ago, before the court decision and Caitlyn Jenner, some guy wrote to Dan regarding his attraction to trans women with operational penis. His response was that some men like to play with a dick on occasion. Just a dick. They don’t want any man attached to it and rather play with one attached to a female. He never mentioned marrying one.
Hunter (re last week)- I suspected so.
not a sentence i would ever have anticipated.... lol
I could never in a million years tell my girlfriend that i wouldn't go down on her because i didn't like her smell. That is so insanely insulting. I'm glad he wised up and corrected the behavior...but still.... fuck.that.
All that said... for me... the way a potential partner smells is very important. I have started dating someone and discovered that their natural scent put me off...and moved on... though it was never about the scent from below... rather, their regular body scent.
WHIFFING - I'm sure that she knows what she tastes like, from relubing during masturbation. I don't see the need to tell others that they don't taste good, or smell good, or look good (to me). I simply say that they we are not a match.
I don't believe that you diagnose cancer from smell. I'd like to see that research.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canine_can…
I still don't see framing a new partner's smell as a possible medical problem. Maybe if you have some experience with what tumors smell like...
Chapter one:
Call me a “certified organic lesbian” as I never had relationship with a man. I have been dating this woman for few years now and e veryone expects us to get married nowadays.
Couple years ago I was visiting some place and went to a local lesbian bar. I’ve met that cool chick and after few dances and drinks she placed my hand on her crotch.
This was the first time I ever touched a penis, let alone an erected one! And once I got to play with it in her place I realized how much I enjoy it. Since then I’ve met few more trans women in my hometown. We meet discreetly, do what we do with mutual respect, and proceed to go our own way. I don’t expect any “relationship” to grow out of it, I’m happy with what I have.
Problem is that I’m reluctant to tell my girlfriend about my occasional penis infatuation. Judging from some past comments I’ve heard from her I doubt she will be supportive. And now with the wedding looming in the horizon I wonder how my extra curricular activity may affect our marriage. Is this something I’ll grow out of? Is this something I should tell her? Am I just a closet het in denial?
If someone's scent doesn't do it for you on the first and (if you're willing to gamble) second encounter, I would just consider it an incompatibility issue and move on.
I think Mr Savage danced on the edge of making *having* children via surrogacy or adoption a little too nearly the equivalent of within-the-relationship-unit production. I've encountered quite a fair amount of people who put one type of partner into box F and another type into box M (sometimes I envy all you people who don't need to find little workarounds for Words One Doesn't Say, but I suppose it's appropriate that standards have a price). You won't be surprised that this group consists mainly of bi men (amusingly, their F partners go into box M and their M partners into Box F), for whom this issue may play out with a bit more impact. It's not so huge an issue now as it was back in the day when the scale was impossibly weighted to one side. I don't know if it's that much different for bi women, who can get much closer to the fully in-unit experience (just with the use of a donor) complete with pregnancy if they want it. And those of us disinclined to OS but interested in parenting get grooved into accepting the perils and rigours of surrogacy and adoption much easier. But I can certainly see the appeal to someone who might possess some choice in the matter of being able to keep the whole procedure just between the couple.
Now I'm starting to get a plot forming in my head about a (Mr) Gene Brodie, and why Mr Lowther ends up marrying Miss Lockhart.
I would give it more time for different reasons. And I would also argue that what may be an initial unpleasant environment gets better once you get to know your partner better, love to see and hear how she reacts and so on
Venn @ 41
You’re right in regards to the disrespectful connotations of the words. As for future terminology, will you accept “trans women” or is it “women” only from now on?
And if yes then how do we accommodate different shades of womenhood?
Your thoughts of parenthood and what it entails nowadays were well expressed.
Marrying someone who you believe wouldn't allow you to be your full self is setting both of you up for some serious hard times in the future.
Undead- 47 (assumingly related)
Well yes, that was my point. I’m not sure why this guy keeps being told he should marry a transwoman without us knowing the full picture. It may be a similar part-time situation like the fictional one I described.
I agree that his use of words comes across as ignorant and disrespectful, and don’t really help his poor ratings in here (though they could further boost Donald Trump in the primaries, who could tell anymore.)
I also think he is very confused and doesn’t seem to be very happy about his own life. Usually people in this particular set of mind don’t tend to view themselves and others in a very rosy manner.
It is still possible that he really is into trans women, and once making peace with himself will indeed settle into a mutually respectful, meaningful, long term relationship.
But there should have been further indication/investigation as to what his relationships entail and what he wants to get out of them.
Advising him to marry as the only option, combined with inflicting further guilt, may not be the best advice in the long run.
Rhetorical Qu. You guys are funny sometimes. Tell a woman straight yet politely if her genitals have an unpleasant odour, outside of period time that is.
As I said @12, I think RAHP needs therapy to work through his issues. Like you, I see him as confused and not very happy about his life.
I thought the use of "certified organic" right in the beginning will resonate with my earlier posts on this thread. Some of our more careful readers may recall that the the bar scene I eluded to was described some time ago by our dear friend BiDanFan, though she never told us the outcome.
As for me, I have no secrets anymore.
I do think about her from time to time - especially when I tell the sandpaper vagina story :)
Cmon though, we are once a month bleeding animals, even before the alien form starts to grow in our bellies, we know we are animals. I think if our fannies have an unpleasant smell, we can take it, if a lover tells us. If it's done with care and concern. Because a bad smell is indicative of a problem.
The whole area is in place for serious baby making business, the architects weren't too fussed if those messing around in there enjoyed the smell or not.
The organic smell of a cunt.
If it is a bad odour, really bad, then there is a problem.
( vagina), it dries way too quickly and gets sticky.
In which case, his attraction is for trans* women. So, what's the problem?
Therapy as EricaP suggests, sure. To clean his fascist head out. What attitudes. To both trans* women and cis women.
My partner has mentioned that the first time I licked my hand to lube him up (pre PIV sex) was a big turn-on for him. Apparently previous lovers hadn't used saliva as lube. To me, it's completely natural, no big deal, either for sex with someone else or for masturbation. Before his comment, I had assumed this was common. Apparently not!
As for it getting sticky--not in my experience! And it has a much closer-to-neutral flavor and texture than any commercial lube I've found...
To me, absolutely, well beyond diet and smoking and basic health/hygeine.
Sanguisuga - I have never once used spit as lube.
Sorry, I thought fingers & spit was universal for women, and a spitty fist for guys. It's batteries and bottles of lube I guess? In a hundred years we're all going to be having sex with robots I swear. Somehow I don't have trouble imagining that I'm in a lazy subset of women. You might notice a strong scent while washing a vibe as well, but point taken.
@73 ciods - No lube. I love a wet tongue but I prefer no lube or slippery feeling when it comes to masturbation. I like a certain amount of friction.
Cowboy in an old west whorehouse complains, "Sandpaper Sally, your pussy is so scratchy it's rubbing my dick raw!" "No problem," says she, and leaves the room for a minute. When she returns, they resume the festivities and everything is smooth as silk .
"Wow! What a difference! What did you do, baby?"
"Oh, I just picked the scabs and let the pus run."
That 37 was a fake, pun not intended at myself or anyone else, as I stated at 52.
As for the second part of your post... I have a fairly long track record of masturbations, some times in challenging situations, yet I have never ever used saliva.
In other news: there may, maybe not, a “nights in white satin” episode 2. All rules applied to episode #1 are still in place.
Hope you like it; otherwise feel free to blame Ricardo.
I use my saliva for blow jobs, because I like the taste/texture better than commercial lubes. But that doesn't lead to tasting myself because my hand is on cock, not pussy. Mostly I tend to taste myself on my partner's finger, cock, or face.
On the spit/lube/masturbation topic, from my own experience I know it's possible to masturbate often and never use spit, if you are more of an "outie" (i.e. prefer clitoral stimulation) than an "innie," (vaginal stimulation) and if pressure rather than friction is what does it for you.
I know what I taste like on a regular basis not because I lick my fingers (although when having sex with someone else, I sometimes do) but rather because of my predilection for switching back and forth between blowjobs and PIV.
There you are. I guess it's more a credit than a blame and should be defined as,"Self appreciating one's writing while under the influence."
and @75, I find most vibes to be too distracting and/or powerful when I'm entertaining myself. I generally do use fingers for a lead-in, but I'm a g-spot girl, so I will pull out my favorite dildo when I'm ready to get there. I wash up immediately afterwards, and no, it doesn't stink.
We aren't the ones who shoot gallons of sticky stuff with a distinctive odour, as well as a very distintive taste, out of our sex.
As I have mentioned coconut oil is a great lube. Except in winter, when one has to get at it with a knife, as it solidifies.
Come summer, it stays liquid.
Congratulations, you just learned a new life hack.
I hope this good looking boy from California stops, and asks
himself; wtf dude.
Sorry LW, your attitudes to women are very dehumanising.
Who ever you are sexually attracted to are the people you are sexually attracted to. And it is usually expected, that one shows those we share sex with, some respect. In this area you are wanting.
The trans* women you have
sex/ love sessions with, are people. Not a category.
So pull your head out of your arse and be honest with who you are.
Then with each of those girls you meet up with, show them respect. Maybe then, as you humanise yourself, a clarity might come to you about how you want to go forward.
These four boys of mine, scratch that, these three adult and one just on, sons of mine, are doing my head in. The egos on them!
My daughter and granddaughter, when they lived here.. It was much better.
So sorry guys if I'm being tough and cruel. It's my boot camp mama persona.
So you carry around a bottle of lube with you wherever you go? You must be an Eagle Scout.