LW1 likely has a wandering womb. Was she recently vaccinated? She should have a naturopath check her biorhythms and do some crystal work followed by a colon cleanse.

Oh, and take up yoga.

Dr. Sean-- Some of those crystals might be found in her bladder and causing the pain. (And you forgot pyramids and aromatherapy.)

@Crinoline: Some of those crystals might be found in her bladder and causing the pain

I'm sure that's what the profiteering butchers in the medical industrial complex would have us believe, what with their linear western thinking.

Why would LW1 consult Mr Savage, especially in a way that suggests that the answer is in his venue? It's likely nothing, but this is my only in to a letter that would otherwise be HSE, technical questions tending to that category. It makes me compare it to why, when a woman received threatening letters, her husband didn't go to the police or a private detective, but engaged a nurse.

SPASM, you have my deepest heartfelt sympathy. Frequent dysmenorrhea and endometriosis hurt like hell and made my life miserable until my gynecologist upped my progesterone level to 100mgs nightly. This and a blessed uterine ablation relieved me from the monthly nightmare of heavy periods from hell.
You're 20; I'm 51---but you might also want to ask your gynecologist about your hormone level.

@6: Oops--sorry, I thought LW1 read ...age 20. Not much of an age difference, but make that mid 20s. SPASM, more clarification about hormones: you may have an imbalance between your levels of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. Most likely too much estrogen. I did, anyway.

Sean, yoga might very well be useful, just not for this. I suggest also seeing an accupunturist, LW1, as well as western Drs.
Apart from that at this stage, my medical knowledge needs some work.
You got a coil inside or some other alien object, LW1? If so. Take it out.
LW2. I try to visualize a man watching porn, he is masturbating I'm guessing.. And even if he were my boyfriend, I just can't get much charge out of it.
Can you see the screen and the action there? That might help. A little.
What can I say about porn. A lot of women seem to be not that keen on it.
It does seem to be a big issue for you, if you can't leave it alone in your fantasies.
You either got to own how you feel and tell the bf, or find a way to leave it out of your mind. Leave it as mens' business, and when you self pleasure relax into your sexuality.

LW2. If your jealousy is so strong, him watching other women while you're not there..( Yet it's ok when you are there)
Then it's your jealousy that needs confronting. You can't own a man's sex, and he can't own yours. It is a gift one shares with another.
Only you know what your boundaries are re sharing with this man.

5- Mr. Venn-- I'm guessing that SPASM wrote to Dan because she was writing to everyone. If she's anything like me, when I'm even a little worried about a health symptom, I make an appointment with my doctor, talk it over with a girlfriend, write about it my journal, and in my younger days, brought it up with uncomfortable people on public buses.

If SPASM's doctor makes good use of email, she may have already written down the specifics of the symptom, how long she's had it, how often it occurs. Due to the placement of the spasm, SPASM couldn't rule out they symptom's having some origin in something sexual, and doctors are notoriously bad about leaving out sex in their differential diagnosis. So she wrote to Dan.
Dan's answer was excellent, BTW. I urge SPASM to pay more attention to Drs. Brotto and Huber's comprehensive list of all the possible explanations than to the anecdotal explanations that are going to show up here. Nothing wrong with women talking about what happened to them in their experience, but people are different, symptoms are vague, and you're better off going with the evidence from the lab tests than with what some stranger on a comments column (or public bus) tells you.

@10: "...and in my younger days, brought it up with uncomfortable people on public buses."

My god, that was you!?!

@4, No he didn't. He gave us their explanation and added a footnote to acknowledge that some women have penises.

@5 Dan has a history of connecting LW's with qualified medical advice. Given that the LW got qualified medical advice in response to her letter, I think the results speak for themselves.

If my wife received threatening letters and I knew a nurse who had the ear of the chief of police, I would probably contact said nurse.

Venn @5: Because "she has taken a job she loves, but which is very demanding of her time," and therefore she doesn't have much time for doctors' appointments. She'd like to know in advance what she might be dealing with, and since it involves her sex organs, she wrote to the sex expert himself, Mr Dan Savage. Who's not afraid to touch a vagina... in his letters.

Lava @8: Sean is obviously being a troll. Why should he care about women's sexual health, particuarly when the woman in question is a lesbian and therefore her vagina will never be any use to him?

Hunter @4: has already had the slap-down for his inability to read, though not his use of the phrase "chicks with dicks." Lordy.

Bit of a dull crop of letters this week. CMD, what enticing outfits have you got planned for me this week? :)

11- Eud-- In all seriousness, in the "Why am I such a slut" column, I was talking about owning the decisions that were right for us at the time even if we wouldn't make those decisions now. I talked about how much it bothers me when women talk about their earlier escapades as mistakes that younger women shouldn't engage in. I wonder if I can include all the things I did when I was younger under that umbrella. I used to talk about all manner of stuff to all manner of people in ways that make me cringe now, but maybe I should just look at that as something that was okay for me when I was younger and all wrong for me now.

@15: Hey, as long as you're okay with how quickly I got off that bus. And yeah, if you suspected I was lying, you were right: That wasn't really my stop.

In retrospect, that would've been a much better plan if it hadn't been quite so damn cold out.

In all seriousness, yeah: We do a lot of stuff when we're younger that our older selves find stupid or embarrassing--or would if we still did 'em. I mean, we all used to poop ourselves. Most of us have since learned better, but yeah... that's not a reason to expect kids to skip that phase.

@venn: Why would LW1 consult Mr Savage

Indeed. Seems as relevant to this column as a letter asking about a knocking sound in a car engine, and as equally interesting to read.

@BiDanFan: Just trying to find some amusement in this week's thin material. :-p

LW2: As a a 23-year-old, by now you should be tumbling onto the fact that you can't (and shouldn't) control what other people think and do when they are not within your immediate reach (and usually not even then). Its hypocritical to be upset when he does something that you do yourself. Learn to pick your battles wisely- you can ASK someone to change behavior that is upsetting you, but be sure your request is REASONABLE. Freaking out because your boyfriend watches porn when you're not there: not reasonable. Men watch porn, men masturbate and SO DO YOU.

In other words, ACCEPT (or ignore) the things you cannot change, change the things YOU CAN, and have the wisdom to KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. Always inherent in that last sentence is the option to remove yourself from situations that you can't change.

Omg this medical advice is totally over the top. It's been going on for one week! Rule out a urinary tract infection before you sign her up for scopes and multiple consults. Good god.

Ams @20: I don't know any doctor who wouldn't first check for a urinary tract infection. One cannot go directly to a specialist. The advice was, "These are some things it might be, go see a doctor."

Sean @17: Fair enough! It was a bit of a yawner, even for someone who possesses said parts. And interesting to find out what you look like ;)

I'm not a fan of him watching pornos when he is alone

Next time you and your boyfriend are together, make a whole bunch of homemade porn videos featuring all of his favorite things for him to watch when he's alone.

@BiDanFan: And interesting to find out what you look like ;)

Ha!

Actually, 20 years ago strangers used to walk up to me and tell me I looked like (presumably an uglier version of) this guy or this guy.

A lesbian. I did read that, it just got lost in the brain. A lesbian of course doesn't Use a coil. So, LW1, forget that suggestion.

Ms Fan - I have something that depressed me saved up from the weekend (thankfully for us all, not another personal compliment). I'll bring it up when I have time and inclination. Right now I have to go out.

LW 1, why would you take the time to write to Mr. Savage when you could go see a doctor? Internal medicine, OB-GYN? Mr Savage is good at a lot of things,but a doctor he is not. Plus, even if he is a doctor, he'd need to poke around in there and run some tests to pinpoint the issue.

GO. SEE. A. DOCTOR.

@27 Perhaps she sees it as some sort of public service...educating the public who may have similar throbbing clit issues.

The "why ask Dan when you could get advice from a doctor?" comments crack me up, seeing as a direct result of her asking Dan was getting the advice of 2 doctors for free without having to spend hours of her time doing it.

@27 yours is my favorite I think, because you end by telling her to (no need to shout, by the way) 'go see a doctor', which is just you repeating a portion of the expert medical advice that she got from Dan, which you criticized her for soliciting.

@29 I too use all caps as a way to emphasize words, not because I am "shouting" as conventional wisdom dictates, but because I haven't figured out how to bold face or italicize text in the comments. Help, anyone?

@30: DonnyKlicious, I don't know if these html commands work on a PC (don't know why they wouldn't, but who knows), but at least on a Mac you type the "less than" (<) key, then the letters em followed immediately by the "greater than" (>) key to start your italics, type what you want emphasized, and when you're finished, type the < key, put in the "em with a "slash" stroke in front of it (/em), and then close that off with the > key. For boldface, substitute the letter "b" for "em," to start the boldface, and "/b" for "/em" to close it.

Thanks, nocute.

estabien, like donny said, I am making an emphasis,not shouting. Also, yes, she got advice but she probably still needs to see a doctor because our bodies are all different. So, it's good that she got free advice but what if her issue needs to be narrowed down more.

But what do I know? Despite the free advice of my parents and 2 brothers, I still have to take myself to a doctor for my issues. I imagine the 4 of them need to sue to get their tuition back because they suck at giving medical advice.

19 marilynsue-- As long as you have ovaries, they can still produce estrogen and progesterin even if you don't have menstrual periods. That can give you cramps.

Hunter @24: Because he anticipated the inevitable trans "But some women do have penises!" objection someone was bound to raise on Tumblr. It's a disclaimer. Not evidence that he doesn't understand, which he demonstrated he does: " ("Wait just a minute," I hear some of you crying. "Women don't have problems with smegma—that's just a dudes-with-foreskins* problem." Dr. Brotto responds: "Women get smegma, too. We don't hear about smegma in women because yeast infections get a lot more attention. But smegma in women is the same as smegma in men: a harmless buildup of skin cells and oils.")" Nowhere does he in this passage imply that he's only talking about that tiny percentage of women who have penises.

To your questions: You demonstrated you can't read by failing to read the above passage; and estabien @12, in reverse order.

To Mistress B, Mistress Lava, ER, and everyone else interested/bored enough to read this (and also welcome to chime in if they so choose):
As a part-time woman who retains her original plumbing I think Dan’s addition to smegma stems from people who constantly feel marginalized and may see the need to speak up and educate the public. They write him lots of angry emails. Some long-term readers may recall that other groups may get similar notations for similar reasons: bisexuals, lesbians, straight men, and more.
But I’m no smegma expert. Others may recall that I did mention here something like being “ritually mutilated by some bearded dude when I was few days old.”

Now lets get to business, shall we? First, just so you know, and as DonnyKlicious @ 28 eluded to, I’m also writing this solely for educational reasons: transgenderism, role play, domination, submission- not to mention cleaning Mistress B’s kitchen while wearing that gorgeous yellow set along with those delightful yellow gloves she was so kind to insist on- ARE ALL FAMILY FUN!
Just like SRK83 @ 34, "I am making an emphasis, not shouting."

ER- welcome! My disappointment from one of Mistress Lava’s previous posts does not stem from you. It’s only because the previous one was so good. And there’s no competition between us as far as I’m concerned, we can still alternate the flights to the UK and Australia in order to accommodate their kitchen cleaning needs and beyond.

As for this week’s attire…. so when I joined here earlier this year some of you suggested to tone down the often very feminine styles associated with “people like myself” (PLM from now on). They suggested a more neutral, yet on the feminine side, look.
I took it seriously. Few days ago I was in a casual event where most have already seen me in my female persona before. There was no need to “make a statement.”
Flat brown shoes, nice jeans, light blue jacket, no nail polish. Yes make up, yes wig, unfortunately I don’t see a way around them.
I felt good about myself. Thank you!

But then I got home…. and after changing and considering several sleeping attire options, I felt even better. Some thoughts came to mind:
- It’s time to empower Mistress Lava and get some sweet assertivenss out of her. I wonder what she will make me wear after she flies me over to one of those “Kitchen Parties.”

Mistress B- I’m wide open. Anything from pretty stuff underneath a seemingly conservative dress or a long skirt, tights-tunic-high-heel boots, lingerie modeling show for you and/or your friends.
Needless to say, your command is what I wish.

In other news: Nocute is a Mac user. And she also has some good advice.

@20 ams_: How were my comments for SPASM (@5 and @6) going over the top? I'm neither a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. I'm not offering any medical advice here (as if), but only suggestions from my own similar experience for SPASM to consider as to what her current discomfort might be coming from, which she herself can choose to accept or ignore--and what she could ask her doctor should she seek medical assistance. Nonetheless, I do think it's a good idea that SPASM gets medical attention soon to determine the cause of the intense pain, especially of her condition persists and / or worsens.

@41 Part II, to @20 ams_: I meant regarding my comments @6 and @7, although I'm sure you already figured that out.

Hang on a minute there, CMD. Flights to Australia? Though Mistress Lava is sort of catchy.. I'm not into submissive or shaved/ waxed men. I'd enjoy the burlesque and my kitchen could do with a good scrub.. You guys just go have fun with Mistress Fan/ B .. And just email me the footage.

@43 LavaGirl: Now I'm curious about CMD / Mistress Fan / B's video. I just wanted to offer a Griz update on my healing process from PTSD / grief: I am driving 25 miles south to my VA outpatient clinic tomorrow for PTSD / grief counseling, and have an appointment at my local veteran's center on Friday. I'll know more by the end of this week on what further steps to make.

@venn: I'll bring it up when I have time and inclination.

Please share. I'm feeling much in need of conversation with you and the gang.

Hunter @ 40
I don’t know. Like I said, I’m probably smegma free on either side.

Mistress (optional) Lava @ 43
If burlesque and good scrubs are still an option then I’m paying for my ticket.
YOU are the one who sets the rules for your own Kitchen Party! The one and only rule can still be, “go have fun with Mistress Fan/ B .. And just email me the footage,” though I hope the ambassador will be able to have a talk with you some time soon. You see, I used to clean her kitchen too; she’s the one who was oh-so-generous to give me that oh-so-cute maid outfit…

auntie grizelda @ 44
“Now I'm curious about CMD / Mistress Fan / B's video.”
The production crew wasn’t ready last time I was there. Besides, we didn’t have a script. But…
…any … suggestions?
It’s all about empowerment, letting go, and the like. At least the way I see it.

In other news: Venn and Dr Sean are also welcome to join this conversation in case they “have the time and inclination.”

I'll set up a new email address.
fakemistresslava@...

The U.S. Ambassador to Oz is a gay man. Australia, land of contradictions. That Abbott mug/ old PM, has put Malcolm/ New PM, in a squirrel grip re same sex marriage.
A plebiscite is to be held. Bringing out all the fascists and their slogans. Most Australians are fine with it, re polls taken. Make an issue of it and the religious shits will sway the mob.
Malcolm could grow some, and can it. We will see.

Good Grizelda@44.
"Movement at the station.." From a famous Oz poem. Forget which one.
Our famous poems are about Cowboys and farmers. Typical. Write about the male experience..

You interested in the little creative adventure? Maybe at some point we will have to do a storyboard. Rather, I will request of Mistress Fan, if she needs any help.
Just the filming of CMD in various states of undress and lingerie dress, with yellow rubber gloves , on all fours.. Cleaning MF's oven.
She will be overseeing this enterprise, dressed in black leather, no scratch that, black another material. Black boots and a riding crop.
I mustn't jump ahead, it not being my storyline. one allows for lots of spontaneous behaviours..
Meanwhile, lying on one of the beds in Mistress Fan's( MF), flat..
Is RE( registered European), just lying there, showing his physique to Fan, when she requires a break from the Kitchen Party with CMD.
I'm thinking the kitchen has a bright yet subdued tone to it, reflected in furniture and light sunlight( all you ever get in UK I hear anyway), casting shadows across the room.
You want a DVD of this story too?

fakemistresslava@ 48
Good one.

Lava,
If you are in charge of scripting and the costume department, I am happy to wear leather for the sake of the upcoming DVD. Perhaps, RE could star as the groceries delivery boy, whose shirt falls off at the opportune moment, revealing a silky smooth chest? Then Mistress B gets upset with CMD for not having waxed his chest, and punishes him with a spanking.
And then the dinner guests begin to arrive... Can they all be dressed like Marlene Dietrich? That would make a great dinner party!

To liven up this week's comments section, I shall throw in a third letter to the Peanut Gallery.

This weekend, I have a date with a lovely young man... the operative word being "young." He is in his late 20s, I am in my mid 40s, though no one seems to believe it, least of all me. This young man has spent time with me in person and we've snogged, so there is no question he is attracted to me. But I feel self-conscious about telling him my age. As if the half-your-age-plus-seven-years rule is set in stone, or as if a silly number will make him change his mind about me. That's silly, isn't it? So, am I duty bound to disclose my age before sexytimes happen, or is my only duty to not lie about it?

LW3. @51. I find it hard to believe a young man in his late 20s thinks you're also a young woman. Or as young as he is.
I'm assuming he already knows you are an older woman ( though if you look as young as you say you do, he may think you in your 30s?), and he wants to go on a date with you.
It is just a date though. Not moving in together, so.. I'd just not lie if a straight question is asked of you.
A young man in his late 20s, is not a youth anymore. He is a grown man.

Mistress B
Am I allowed to dress up like Marlene, or should I keep the maid uniform on? And the yellow gloves?

As for the lucky younger dude whose chest hair you’re about to wax some time this weekend…
I don’t see any problem here, disclosing age or not. Unless you’re planning a long-term relationship with him, kids and all that jazz- which I suspect you don’t.
Assuming the nature of your relationship is such that it is strictly fun, maybe also positioning you in control, I suspect he will actually get a kick learning you are 15+ years his senior.
And that kick will be even more powerful if you disclose your age only after the act, while lying in bed after the first round. I suspect he will beg for more in no time.

BDF @50

Perhaps, RE could star as the groceries delivery boy, whose shirt falls off at the opportune moment, revealing a silky smooth chest?

I'm game. I'll do some extra bench pressing to prepare for the occasion :-)
As for your question @51. Your age is not some secret which needs disclosing. Obviously mr. Lovely Young Man is attracted to you, which is what matters. Your only duty is not to lie about your age -- that would be quite silly.

BiDanFan @51:

He's into older women. It’s a thing. Age is a feature, not a bug.

@34 Well, part of the advice was "go see a doctor and get an exam" so I'm not sure what point you're trying to make.

And apologies for thinking you were shouting. bold is done using < b > (omit the spaces) to start printing in bold and < / b > (again omit spaces) to end. italics is the same but with an i instead of a b. They can be combined: Go. See. A. Doctor.

@51 As an early 30's guy dating an early 50's woman (quite happily) I would say don't lie, and probably better to disclose, but don't make a big deal out of it because he probably doesn't give two shits.

@55 Exactly. I remember a neighbor who used to joke that he never understood the promise of 72 virgins, saying he would mach prefer one woman who knew what she was doing over 72 fumbling children.

@BiDanFan: Have fun with your new boy. Be assured he knows you're older than he is, and if he asks a direct question, answer it honestly. However, If you two see each other repeatedly, sooner or later a story is bound to come up in which your age is more or less revealed. Just keep it natural; it's not a big deal. It doesn't sound as though you hope or expect this relationship to end in marriage or in something serious and permanent. If that happens I anticipate that you will have some more serious conversations, and the age difference will be the subject of one of them. I've never understood those "formulas" people here are so fond of using. You are enjoying yourselves. That's all you need.

As for the statements @55 & 57, he might be into older women, or he might not particularly care about the age difference, especially if this is just casual dating.

A new rule proposal:
Commenters who ask others for advice, and feel they did got good answer/s, should also share the outcome. And the more detailed reportr the better.

"get"
"report"
Ricardo, what did you put in that funny looking cigarette last night?

Hunter-we're very inclusive, everyone can be wacked by Mistress B. I suspect you're up on her list nowadays. Just be aware, aunt Zelda may also stop by.

CMD @53: For your role in the Girl Party, you'll be dressed in the black teddy and apron. My guests will be the sharp-suited ladies, your job is to light the cigarettes in their holders and anything else they may demand. :)

Nuts (Apologies to Carolyn Hax): Thanks for the reassurance. I am certain this fellow knows I have been around the block a few more times than he has. I am, apparently, to serve as his initiation into a poly life. I first met him and his girlfriend (who is his own age, meaning he is not generally a cougar chaser, as @55 theorises) and a bit later on they decided to open their relationship... News which was very well received by me! :)
I am happy to report back on the success of my latest mission! :D

@64 BiDanFan- in my mid-20s I had to somewhat longer term sexual relationships with two women, in their late 30s and early 40s, respectively. It was seriously hot. It was the first time I realized what true uninhibited sex for sexual pleasure was, with someone who was comfortable in their skin. There was no agenda except the fucking (although one wanted it to lead to more, and it ended badly).

The age was not a feature, nor a bug, it was irrelevant as @59 said. But, given that this younger gents' girlfriend has blessed you, I bet your age is a plus, at least to the girlfriend as she may see you as less threatening to poach her mate than someone her own age.

FWIW, one of my older women initiators was in a poly relationship, and her primary man was mid 40s. He would apparently joke with her nostalgically about my ability to go multiple times in one night. As I approach 40, I get the nostalgia. Enjoy the ride ;)

Most importantly, yay you!

Mistress B @ 63
Yes, of course Mistress B! And if I may suggest... Part of my maid uniform set is this cute, short, see through white apron. I suspect it will make a good contrast on the black lace teddy, and is too short to compromise my nudity.
I can also place it a little lower if and when, in case I experience any growth thanks to your touching friends. The gentle movement underneath as I walk on the black patent heels (or any other shoes you may choose) while serving you and your friends, may make for an appealing sight for you.
A similar outfit worked just fine last week during Fake Mistress Lava's Kitchen Party. Mistress FL and her lovely guests made me walk back and forth that way as if I'm a model on a runway. Needless to say, a dream come true...

@59 I see what you did there.

Let me know when Mx Wanna's parties have finished and the thread has calmed down a bit; this is the wrong atmosphere for me to encourage Ms Fan or give Dr Sean something to discuss.

@CMD: Venn and Dr Sean are also welcome to join this conversation in case they “have the time and inclination.”

I'd love to, if only I could figure out what you all are talking about.

@BiDanFan: Here's an anecdote, make of it what you will. There was a woman in my burning man camp last year who looked at least 10 years younger than she was. A relatively younger dude boards our mutant vehicle one day, starts talking to her, she immediately starts chattering insecurely about her age. Some time later, as he is about to disembark, he says "Can I offer some advice? You don't have to lead with your age."

@86: Yay! Congrats, estabien!

While I was hoping that my detailed imagery would indeed distract and inspire, it seems like it can also happen for the wrong reasons.
Venn was kind enough to point it out, I’m afraid others may think the same. Maybe this is what “no-more-Fake-Mistress” Lava meant by “getting cross.”

The party is not over and never will for someone who watched “Dressed to Kill” as a teenager, self-hating most of his life.
Yet there will be a sincere attempt to keep things in proportion and avoid overdose.

That said, seandr is still welcome to ask questions if so inclined.
And “still-Mistress D,” aka BidanFan, is highly encouraged to give us full detailed account of her upcoming weekend shenanigans.
Rest assured, the kitchen will shine upon your return.

Looks like the gig is up CMD.
When Sean pretends he doesn't understand the game, you know they are cross.
Of course, I hope your spirit of fantasy play never leaves SL..
Just finished setting up a new email. I'm a little intrigued with
Mistress B's nonchalant use of the riding crop. And she's pulling men in their 20s, may be something in this dominance gig.
So. address is; sometimesmistresslava@gmail.com

@18 Doesn't seem from the letter that she's in any danger of asking him to stop using porn. She states she hasn't asked him to stop, that they watch porn together and it doesn't bother her (or she likes it, I'd have to refer back). There's a little language barrier between us and her, but it seems like the reason she tells us she's "not a fan" (note how far that is from 'freaking out') is that it's why her fantasies seem weird to her -- if she was completely pro-porn, she wouldn't think it was weird or have a question. She didn't write in asking (as so many women seem to) how to get her boyfriend to stop using porn; she wrote in asking why she would fantasize about the thing that bothers her.

She's not trying to control him, she's having feelings about something she explicitly hasn't tried to stop him doing.

Sometimes... Lava-
Just sent, headline said "something in this dominance gig"

Yes Fez.@74. Still her disapproval is a sort of control. Emotional messages are as strong as verbal ones. Sometimes more so, because one senses the disapproval, it's just not clear sometimes about what.
Given the loud and oft repeated calls by men, that they need porn, despite repeated calls from women to check its influence on their intimacy behaviour and the women's feelings of disquiet,
Their men checking out other women's pussies. Or whatever.
It's on for men. It would seem. Most men. Maybe best this young woman just put it out of her mind, be in her life.. Not his.
Or find a man who just wants to watch porn with her, not on his own.

I can't believe "cis" has actually become a term for self-identification. A) what % of people are teams, 0.1? is it really necessary to proclaim yourself as being in the overwhelming majority, unless the topic is specific to a given difference? B) being a gender (trans or not) is different than being gay, because in saying you're gay you're telling people that their assumptions of your life choices are probably not true, as opposed to saying "hey I am what I present myself as and these are my anatomical specifics" C) cis just sounds lame, non-sexy, too-many-gender-studies discussions, did you learn that prefix in a chemistry class kind of way. "Trans" sounds cool, on the other hand. Transfix, transsubstantiate, transatlantic, transcend, etc etc

@46 CMDwannabe: Hmmmm....a script? Nothing immediate comes to my mind that would fit what you're describing, but it appears that our own Mistress Lava, LavaGirl@48, has some rather juicy ideas. I wouldn't mind seeing the DVD and the lingerie! I dunno---make it a kinky musical?---something like "Teddy Bares"...? Too corny?
@48 Dearest Lava: I can see you throwing a wild kitchen party during your Spring Break! Rock on, girl!
Me? Well...in addition to continuing my ultimate therapy surrounding myself in musical activity, I am undergoing PTSD, grief counseling and sustainable employment seeking all through the VA. I guess it is the VA who will award or deny my compensation benefits. I would hate to have to keep applying for years and years. There are several support channels I can take, though, which are encouraging. I'm so glad that a lot of help is nearby and not requiring long distance traveling.
Wow, just seeing and talking to psychologist today at the VA clinic helped. I'll see her again next week. The sun came out, and my sweet, beloved little VW and I drove home with the top down (glad I had my scarf on to keep my hair from blowing all over). Crisp out and fallish, but warm enough and nice. Stopped at the local Drive In for a gas fill up for my VW and gf burger for me on the way home. Just what we both needed.

@66: The feeling's mutual, Hunter. I'd pass on you any day and three times on Sunday.

@79 Part II, back to CMD: Hmmmmm......something like in Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Like Meatloaf's Hot Patootie? Tim "Oh!....Rocky!" Curry did actually use rubber gloves......

Mx Wanna - As I am absolutely Not a Party Person, an eternal party sounds as if nothing could be more exhausting, but FTWL. Thank you for appreciating that discussing my PLB (in case Ms Fan hasn't seen that one yet, Positively Last Boyfriend; I really need a glossary) while you were in full flood would be like conducting a reading of Rosmersholm on one half of a stage opposite a drag pageant on the other half.

By the way, if you want to be entered on the Power Couples List, please select your partner.

@CMD, @Lavagirl:

I hate to disappoint, but I honestly don't understand this game.

@BiDanFan mentions something about a "girl party", which doesn't really hold my attention unless they're, like, putting on a show or something. She also mentions "Marlene Dietrich", whom I adore, but not as much as Kate and Bette.

There seem to be some Mistresses involved who I don't know, and not sure I want to, since it's my dominant side that could really use some room to run right now, and I just sat through a 3 hour brunch last weekend that was dominated by a bossy matriarch who'd say things like "Sorry, I don't mean to change the conversation" before changing the conversation to, what else? our kids! I'm mean, what else is there to talk about, right?

I never saw Dressed to Kill back. Maybe that's because in the Breakfast Club I was the geek, the jock, and the burnout, but definitely not the beauty queen or the basket case. Now that I think about it, I guess there were some characters missing from that film.

I'm afraid the most I can contribute here is standing in the wings with a rather stupid but supportive smile on my face.

Venn? Is that you over there??

@76 I disagree that her having negative feelings is a form of control. If emotional messages were as strong as verbal ones, the large proportion of Savage Love letters to which the basic answer is TALK TO YOUR FUCKING PARTNER wouldn't be necessary. It's possible that her emotional messages are loud and blaring, and an attempt to guilt him into changing his behavior -- I think we've all met those people, hopefully not dated them -- but there's no evidence that I can see here for her being a super passive-aggressive manipulative type. It's possible, but it's not a given.

LW is perfectly within her rights and nature as a human being to have feelings. She also gets to decide what to do with them. She's apparently decided not to try to change her guy's behavior (which since she likes porn herself would be pretty obnoxious), but to sit with her feelings herself. Sure, if it was tearing her apart, she might need to break up with the guy. But since she didn't write into Dan saying 'how do I stop having these feelings' or 'how do I stop him watching porn', it's reasonable to guess she's doing okay with that approach. Maybe that's what you meant by 'be in her life, not his'? If so, seems to be working for her -- she's just weirded out by her fantasies.

Sean @83: You're right, our little queer/gender-bending party was never designed for the benefit of straight dudes. Men in lingerie and women in tuxedoes are not everyone's cup of tea... I think we should wrap up our storyboarding this week and not clutter up every single Savage column with our niche fantasies. Lava, you are still at this party, no? As a guest, you don't need to participate beyond enjoying being waited on hand and foot by a man, and watching the other guests tease and torture him/her. Other folks like Venn have things to get off their chests, we should not hog the comments... at least not more than occasionally.

Grizelda @81: Well called on Tim Curry's use of rubber gloves in Rocky Horror! A life-changing film for many of us here, I'll venture.

Hunter @78: Thanks for enlightening our friend Beccoid who, by questioning the need for the use of "cis," has unwittingly proven the need for more education around trans issues.

Venn @82: Fuck the whole... I can't guess, sorry!

Fan; I didn't see it as hogging anything.. People weren't commenting and a little story erupted. Nice play, you and RE.
Hope you have fun on this date.
Just be you and think this sweet boy is lucky to be invited to play!

Sean; just a fantasy erupted, with a few players involved. Guess, not your style.. It was sort of hot , I felt.
You could start your own one off, get into some dominant mode. I'm sure others would join in. Sorry to hear your story is so typical.. Yes. Talking kids in a marriage. I know that. Just put that dominant foot down, and say no way baby. When we together, we talk smut.

Fez; I'd be weirded out by those fantasies as well.
I honour her feelings, of course they are valid for her. I was suggesting she get into her life and have her own sexual fantasies.
Seeing him watching porn is a fantasy bred from jealousy, I think. Hence my suggestion. Put his porn behaviour when she's not around, out of her mind.
Check out all those attractive, hairy, Italian men around, and think of stories with them in her fantasies. Or the women.

Ms Fan - When we met, my PLB was a teenaged Mormon; at the time, I was about your age or a little older. I am going out, and perhaps Ms Cute can explain Rosmersholm, if that was confusing anyone. More later, perhaps.

Ms Lava - Why not call the luck equal?

Venn @88: At least Rosmersholm has a wikipedia entry. I am not opposed to doing a bit of my own research! Yet for some of your acronyms, we do indeed need a Venn-diagram. :)
I hope I am to the stage of avoiding teenagers, at least! Early 20s as well, they aren't fully formed yet. As our new friend estabien says, experience is important. Let's hope my Master's student has learned his basics well. ;)

@71 Thanks for the cookie and the pat on the head :)

BiDanFan, Mr. Ven thinks too highly of my clairvoyant powers sometimes; I don't quite get the Rosmersholm reference @82, except in that it would be at odds with a drag pageant. But if you were referring to his FTWL, that is the beginning of this acronym: FTWLTSOTTITSOTTL, which comes from novel The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, by Muriel Spark, and stands for "For Those Who Like That Sort Of Thing, That Is The Sort Of Thing They Like," a rather withering dismissal of Miss Brodie's. I think that when Mr. Ven uses it, he generally means it with less scorn and judgment and more tolerance and graciousness, but maybe I'm just being charitable. In any case, I prefer to think that he says it in the kink/sex-positive spirit of YKINMKBYKIOK ("Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Ok"). Essentially it's just a longer, acronym-producing version of "each to her own."

@85 BiDanFan

Here's a new topic: If you recently felt a large disturbance in The Force, it was probably just me having sex for the first time in years. I found a woman who is so much the opposite of myself that there was a risk of annihilation when we joined.

Hey there the_ghost_of_mrj! Congrats!

Mazel Tov, Former Mr. J's Spiritual Essence! And that explains that loud explosion I heard!
Keep it going and maybe you'll disturb the Force enough to reverse some climate change.
Woo Hoo!

Thanks guys.

@79 Auntie Griz! Yay! you have someone to lean on. Your note has made my day. Please hang in there now if the going gets a little tough in the coming sessions. You WILL see this through and you WILL be OK.
@93
Congrats MrJ! I DID notice a sort of force reversal lately. Who was it that said: "Opposites attract?"
As for myself and Miss N. we have suspended having an official "date night", but will pay attention to her All WEEKEND nonetheless. I am in hopes Mr J's good luck has sexed up hyperspace here in SW Ohio .

Ghost @93: Congratulations!

Yes, good getting-laid luck vibes to all of us! Boy is on his way...

@85 BiDanFan: Yeah--Rocky Horror is among my prized DVD collection of delightful Hallowe'en themed favorites. I love the entire cast and crew, and Susan Sarandon as Janet Weiss is a bonus.
CMDwannabe: Would you and your video cast be into boas and fishnet stockings as well as the rubber gloves? That would be an interesting combo with Lava's riding crop. I LOVED Tim's and Meatloaf's leather jackets! He played a mean sax, too! Oof!
@97 sb53: Thank you and everyone so much. I guess, after 25 years, I am still emotionally triggered from what happened then but am dealing with it, and glad to get what helpful VA assistance I can.
vennominon: You had once expressed concern about the overuse of exclamation points in my past SL comments? This latest development in my life could explain it.

Jesus, tiny violin time:

I started a new job in September that I love, but it's very demanding of my time, which has taken a toll on my mental and physical health (i.e., doing work things all fucking day, having no "me" time)

She's has a full time job for a month. And one she actually likes! Already she thinks it's too much. Sounds like she's finding out about being a grownup for the first time. No, dearie, I don't think that's sufficient time for stress to have destroyed your body.

@LavaGirl: Yes. Talking kids in a marriage.

The bossy, conversation-dominating matriarch at brunch was someone else's wife, not mine. If she were my wife, we'd be divorced by the time I finished my second mimosa.

My marriage is more of an divide and conquer arrangement where both parties rule their respective domains.

Oh. Another mother spoke kids at brunch; Sean.
High Five Ghost. No more shelled out man for you.
Grizelda, yes, take it easy with the stuff coming up thru therapy. Glad you are clearing it.

Venn @ 82
I am still in the process of processing. Apparently one line I wrote in my response to you made me realize how much pain I still carry. Which is actually a good place to be from time to time, makes one realizing the huge progress as well.
“Realizing progress” is also what I meant by “party,” meaning “living my life” rather than an on-going 24/7 one of those infamous “kitchen parties.” But maybe my other recent pieces in here turned it to be that way.
I appreciate your straightforward, civilized approach. I have some questions regarding few things you wrote that are still buzzing around, waiting to be articulated. Would like to do so, if and when. Civility will be observed and I’ll refrain from furthering my agenda.
P.S. Guess what Miss Marple made me wear during her party.

Aunt Zelda @ 79, 100
Don’t get me going, I just promised Venn…
P.S. While I can only speak for myself, a boa will be a lovely addition indeed. Fishnets are already part of the uniform.

beccoid @ 77

transit station
transmitting
transphobia
transistor radio
transmitting
transexotica
P.S. Not necessarily about you or your transcontent, just attempting to rise to the challenge of transfusion.

And now we finally take you to White Hart Lane where Mistress B, wearing black, is hosting Boy.

So what? We just leave RE, shirtless standing at the door? In GB? Cold there isn't it. He's got no hair cover.

@101 It could be a crazy workaholic tech job or something.

Mx Wanna - You may not just appropriate Miss Marple and use her inappropriately. She would only sanction your wearing something woolly and fluffy, preferably that you'd knitted yourself. You'll recall that she was always properly attired for whatever the occasion, and that part of the solution to The Body in the Library was that the dead girl was wearing an old evening dress, which was all wrong.

@103 LavaGirl: .....and today marks 14 years since my divorce---AND a local pizza shop is offering Griz a free bottle of wine for a night out and enough spent on eats. I'm doing it on one condition, that that day is just a....day. GF pizza can be tomorrow's breakfast, too!
@104 CMDwannabe: Party on! I want to see this video.
Hot Patootie, bless my soul, can't get enough rock 'n' roll!

Ms Cute - I have the advantage of Miss Brodie of being able to refine my responses with LMB, which can push FTWL closer to neutral, although I don't think it's as subjectively neutral as I Don't Condemn It But I Don't Condone It (or the reverse), which, as I hope people will recall, was Brian Krakow's response to that ghastly and misogynistic Poll in *My So-Called Life*.

In addition to SPASM I also feel sorry for Joe Newton's equally suffering kitty.