In my favorite F. Scott Fitzgerald story, "Babylon Revisited," the protagonist forces himself to take a drink every day to remind himself of what his alcoholism cost him...

Have you tried B-complex vitamins, Megan? (50 mg daily) And are you getting enough calcium (400 mg+) and magnesium (200mg+) in your diet?

i'm totally a sugar addict...life long. i've quit twice. i'm on about 3 years with no treats at all and going strong. whenever anyone offers i politely decline regardless of the occasion. see, i know that if i have even one bite it will lead to a slow steady decline. one day i'll wake up in an alley somewhere with empty ben and jerry's cartons all around me feeling like i just slept with the football team. one of the biggest things i've noticed about eliminating sugar is how rarely i get sick. i used get 2-3 colds a year and almost get many more. in the last 3 years sans sugar i've gotten 1 cold only and have come close only a few times. my mood is way more stable also.

"I've never smoked cigarettes, I've never smoked pot, I've never had a drink."

Ok, we get it, Miss Holier-Than-Thou. Jesus.

Well, if you have an 'addictive personality' or are prone to compulsions...perhaps you are better off with sugar than some of the other options (drugs, odd behavior, etc., etc.)....

wonderful article megan, good luck!

I quit sugar cold turkey at the end of September after knowing and reading for years about how bad it is for me. It was a huge struggle. My energy dropped by about 2/3, and sometimes would just drop off a cliff and I would end up taking a two hour nap. Couldn't get much exercise because of school. I did pretty well, though. I'd say I reduced my intake by 85-95%. Decided to take a break after Thanksgiving, just for the holidays. Nearly a month later, the wisdom of my decision to quit has been confirmed. It's Xmas Eve Eve, and I'm done, going back on the wagon a couple of days early. No more sweets, including baked goods. Doesn't mean I'll never have it again, but I feel so much more steady when I'm not under sugar's thumb, it's not worth the certainty of overindulgence. I've tried to quit before, without much success. It was just time for me this time. I'm done.

Oh megan, you have no idea how deeply I identify with this article right now.

I just found out that I have gestational diabetes, so no refined carbohydrates for me until after the baby is born. The next 10 weeks of my life are stretching out like a painful eternity. I learned this right after my husband made a huge batch of delicious Christmas cookies, which I then shrilly ordered him to remove from the house STAT.

And then last night a generous coworker gave me a huge plate of frosted goodness she'd made herself. She's a champion baker. As I thanked her for her thoughtfulness I actually salivated like a dog, and then shoved the cheerfully decorated package straight into my husband's car so his ungrateful coworkers can benefit from my body's betrayal.

No sugar, no English muffins for breakfast, no booze, just a little coffee...it's amazing I haven't become homicidal. I can't imagine why each day finds me taking a three hour nap on the living room couch.

I LOVE sugar too! For me stopping the nights of eating an entire pound of cinnamon bears and playing video games came down to a competition. As much as I love candy, I love winning more. I got into a 'biggest loser' contest at work last year and I have to say that it really changed my connection to food.

Even for Slog some of these comments are harsh. Personally I manage by having one or two small bits of chocolate at day-like mini peanut butter cup size. And that's it. I look at lovey baked goods and chocolate treats and say to myself-"there will be coffee cakes/candy bars/ice cream tomorrow. If I still want it I will get it then."
Exercise really helps mild depression, so as your sugar cravings are tied to neurochemistry keeping up with the running will be a great thing.
You may want to reconsider the anti-depressant meds again. You may also want to reconsider the potato at bed time. There are plenty of ways to have them ready to go with a minute in the microwave. And it takes most medications weeks-6 to 8 is unusual- to actually start working. So 4 days won't tell you much, except that you need to plan ahead if you want it to work.
Good Luck!

Man, there are a lot of jerks posting here. I thought this article was funny and honest, and I can really identify with your struggle. Not sure where the hostility comes from with the other posters, other than the anonymity of the internet bringing out their lesser selves.

@5--she's not saying it to make herself "holier than thou", it's just to put it into perspective, that you can be free of some temptations and get sucked in by another.

This article is wonderful and true, Megan. One of the best things that's been in the Stranger for a long time. Stupid people can't be helped; ignore them.

I've eaten brown sugar out of the box too, and worse; I eat paper, and I used to eat sugar packets, WHITE sugar packets, packet and all.

This was a great article. You have a lovely voice and it's always a pleasure to read your pieces.

Megan Is Funny. All of you with your "american woman...", "stupid bitch...", blah , blah, blah, I Hope santa claus shoves a lump of coal right up your ass. Good luck Megan!!

Megan congrats for coming out of the closet (pantry?). I too am a lover of all things sugar. I'd have a Coke before coke any day; a beignet (I've had 1B+) over a beer, etc.

I have one of those sugar pouring things like you see in a coffee shops on my counter because there is no way I have the patience and energy to be spooning it all the time.

Life is way too long not to dust it with sprinkles.

You are a superb writer and from the cookie marathon to the sugar situation, it's been a pleasure hearing your story.

okay, regarding comments 7 and 13: do people really have this much hate in them over an article about eating too many cupcakes?! What I see there is a little thing I like to call "projecting"...

Jesus Christ.

Megan, I totally sympathize with you. I can never accept cookies or cakes from anyone because I will eat ALL OF IT. I don't understand those freaks who can control themselves when entire pies are sitting on the kitchen counter.

Lastly, I would like to apologize to my roommates for eating the majority of the delicious sweets they bake and purchase.

i think the opposition to this article (see hostile comments) are directed at the outrageousness of this case in perspective with problems in the world of much greater weight. Even though this article does hold greater value than just "some white woman with a sugar problem". It's the message people.

Oh boy. I'm in therapy for an eating disorder and all this sounds familiar- people get really f***ed up sometimes when restricting food type or intake. It's the restriction that is probably making you eat way more usual at times, not a sugar addiction. Sounds like running and eating what you want make you happy. I say eat cupcakes for breakfast lunch and dinner if thats what you want, and don't feel bad about it. There are so many bigger battles to fight daily- food shouldn't be the biggest. And you'll possibly eventually want something else- maybe even a potato.

whoops, one more time:

http://www.fundinguniverse.com/company-h…

Again with the awesome article, Stranger! Double bravo, Megan.

Yup, it's a drug. Yup, I too have wrestled with it off and on for most of my life (and am about to get back on the bucking bronco diet ride real soon). While you're frowning at the fringe health food stuff like bentonite clay (which usually comes from Pahrump, NV, near the Test Site) might want to read "The Yeast Connection" it's very enlightening.

And to the trolls: maybe if you GUYS did a few more lines of meth and coke and then called yer drinkin' buds over to give ya a PBR enema ya might feel better.

Megan writes an honest, hilarious, original themed essay and she gets *personally* eaten alive in the comments. Typical of how female talent is rewarded. Misogyny is alive & well, thanks Comment Trolls for giving me a nice warm fuzzy feeling for the holidays. Cheers!

@24: Thank you for your insightful comment. I, too, went through therapy for an eating disorder and sadly seem to have forgotten a lot of the wisdom gained then. Your comment beautifully summarizes some lessons it took me years to internalize.

Hey, Megan: Fabulous article. I read it in one compulsive gulp.

I, too, have struggled with compulsive eating. I've done Overeaters Anonymous, which worked for a while, as well as other attempts to control my behavior. The addiction model isn't necessarily the best/only frame through which to view our behavior, thus the answer may not lie in total abstinence -- maybe your current solution to eat sugar in a moderate fashion will work!

Keep up the struggle!

sitting and surfing the web while making my way through an entire loaf of cardamom bread by myself, i feel your pain.

Oh YAWN..just ignore that trolling bullshit.
Food and body-image problems are easy to trivialize and hard to talk about. Which brings about a great deal of shame. Deciding you're not afraid to be honest about such problems is a good thing, to say the least.
Self-loathing and addiction are universal problems that take all sorts of forms in all kinds of people. Some groups/subcultures/sub-groups have a higher number of different problems for highly complicated reasons. Despite what arrogant asses have to say about eating disorders and such, rich people, white girls, and citizens of the United States SO do not have the monopoly on self-hatred or compulsive behavior.

Without articles like "Sugar Rush" a lot of people would find no end to self-medicating by shoveling 3am Safeway cake or whatever other easily mocked, not-yet-media-glamorized form of self-abuse they struggle with. I don't relate to pop-psychology, I exist in some weirdbeard subculture and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate reading something I can relate to when it comes to this shit. Sure, a single article might not save a life, but can you imagine total silence?

In short: Fuck yeah, Megan. And thanks.

If you love sugar and treats and much as you claim to, and if you have the tenacity and determination to run even one single mile per week, and if you have the analytical abilities and intelligence to write such captivating articles, and if you possess the networking skills I would imagine anyone in your line of work would have, then you inherently possess the traits needed to run a successful dessert business. Maybe you'll consider this option one day.

I have to say, when first reading the subject of this article, I was skeptical - which is saying it politely. I've been struggling with alcohol and drug addiction for years and how the hell can someone be addicted to sugar? If that was my problem in life, I'd be a happy girl, right? As I read, I realized addiction, is addiction, is addiction. The x factor could be anything, it's the behavior and the ritual that is the same with all addicts everywhere - regardless what your drug of choice is. Good luck Megan, I know how it feels, it's a tough and shitty battle...

I've been thinking about writing something about comparing sugar to drugs for a while but looks like you beat me to it. Eating (sugar in particular) can turn into a compulsion because it makes you feel better even if you don't realize it, which is why you can keep eating without realizing it. Personally I feel like it's more problematic because it's like a socially acceptable drug. The majority of people can handle sitting around a room full of baked goods and not even raise an eye brow, but to some people putting us around sweets is like putting a coke addict in the set of scarface. Food is everywhere, food is legal, food is a part of life, but like anything too much is bad, but there aren't a lot of solutions save have to mentally and physically struggle with not over eating or binge eating every day. It sucks, a lot. And to not meet the diabetic end like the rest of my family I'm getting a weight loss surgery. An extreme but better than yo-yo dieting and eventually being 40 and almost dead. So yeah, I hope you do well with whatever solutions you undertake, and yes, those mini junior mint things are fucking delicious.

Great article, Megan, and good luck. It certainly sounds like you have an addiction to sugar. Instead of quitting entirely, have you tried transferring your sugar intake to only "good" sugars? I grew up a sweet tooth and was addicted to sugar, too (and guess I still am: If I eat any kind of bakery or candy I crave it intensely for days after). I was worried about diabetes and getting fat so I vowed to only get my sugar fix on very expensive dark chocolate (I preferred milk and candy bars). I found that because the dark chocolate was SO intense (and expensive) that I hoarded it, and eventually only ate one small square a day and was sated by that. Less than a year later I lost my taste for candy, processed food, sweets and any other "cheap" sugar products. Even a soda turns my stomach now, and dark chocolate is way too intense. I still occasionally eat a Top Pot donut, or stave off my sugar craving for overpriced restaurant desserts (that 90 percent of the time I turn down by the time it comes to order them I'm no longer in the mood).

Good luck and keep trying! I think life is richer with a vice or two but, as you know, yours could bite you in the ass later.

Great article Megan - I'm sure you will find your way. Just a few observations: I cannot say that I have a problem with sugar or weight but I do have dysthymic depression and went on the famous Zone diet a few years ago - a diet I no longer beleive in but it did push me in a certain direction.

My conclusions are:
it is possible to go cold turkey on refined sugar and carbs but it takes 4 to 6 weeks for the cravings to start to die out - you just have to stick it out;

eventually cravings for sugar will be replaced by cravings for steamed eggplant, for example, I know that may seem hard to believe but true;

the Zone turns out to be all hogwash theoretically but it did get me to a place where my diet comprised mostly fruits and vegetables, protein, water, nuts, lentils, yoghurt, unprocessed stuff that comes out of the ground - I am grateful to it for that.

eating the high levels of refined sugar you describe is not necessarily a 'better' addiction than others you have mentioned, it's only different, and the health risks of diabetes are serious and difficult to treat;

the notion of 'rewarding' yourself for a half hour of exercise by bingeing on a cupcake is a trap;

part of the addiction to fat and sugar is mental - we fantasize about these products and then crave them because of the dopamine response they provoke - it is no accident that they are truly everywhere in the American diet - we are programmed to crave them. If it comes in a package or a bottle you can bet that sugar was added to it. And tHere will always be something new - if not mini mints then something else - that is the essence of American consumerism, the drive to be current.

broredom factors into depression and addiction as well =

'detox' programs are diuretics, the loss of water and blood volume may contribute to your feeling bad; there is some evidence that 'fiber' interferes with the transport of nutrients in the gut - it hussles the food bolus through too fast that you end up malnourished, there is no reason to add fiber to your diet if you are eating enough fruits and vegetables -

increase the level of exercise, spread it out throughout the day more, the late hours may be interfering with the amount of deep sleep you get, re-consider the anti-depressants, eat a balanced healthy diet and avoid the fads, eliminate in-between snacks and late night bingeing

Sorry if I sound like a scold - I'm 58 and I have slowly over the years found out what works for me and how my body operates - what it runs on - if you can just get to a plateau of a healthier eating/sleeping/exercising routine you will find you feel better, have more energy, can concentrate and sleep better - these may seem sort of lackluster when held up to an egg nog cupcake, but they are things that will reinforce themselves in your psyche over time

This was an honest article. Where is all of this disrespect coming from? After a person admits to an eating disorder, you kick them when they are down by pointing out that they are fat? I don't get it.

I struggle with sugar addiction as well, though I am about the least addictive person ever in other areas of life. I do the ol' coffeeshop sugarfest in the morning and secret sugar throughout the day. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and for publicizing the issue of sugar addiction: I think there are many in our country who could benefit from this understanding.

Megan thank you for this article. I really do sympathize with you, and I'm in shape and a runner as well. I haven't eaten an entire cake, and I don't drink coffee, but I have: eaten most of the cookie dough from those tubs from Papa Murphy's; found myself cleaning countless small fun-size wrappers of Milky Ways in my apartment; having to do numerous trips to the recycling because I have so many Diet Coke cans I can't even contain everything in two bags; felt sick to my stomach countless times, etc.

So thanks, and good luck. The only thing I can offer is that running DOES HELP... I only feel normal when I'm running 4-5 times a week. And I think you'll get to a point where you don't eat candy on the days that you run.. if you eat before, you feel immediately sorry when the run starts (ouch, CRAMP) and eating candy afterward seems so counterproductive -- like, if you eat even a little bit, you might have well not run so hard and not gotten the candy, do you know what I mean? Once you know how hard it is to burn 350 calories on a treadmill, you don't want to waste it with some candy or one cupcake. Boom, it's gone. Shit.

The only way I keep it in check is letting myself have certain things.. like swedish fish in bulk foods (I don't know how many calories are in it, helpful for my peace of mind) or jelly bellies, usually on days I DON'T run; a day with movies from Blockbuster, for example. Then run the next day. I try to stay away from high-fat items like cakes, cookies (I can't even buy a package of cookies; don't know when to stop!!) and doughnuts. Fat-free candy it is, and once in a GREAT while some ice cream or a McFlurry or something. Hope some of that helped. Again, thanks, interesting read!! I could perfectly visualize you driving home with your fingers in the frosting... :)

Why do so many self-professed "straight-edges" still drink caffeine? A girl I went to college with was very vocal about her straight-edge status (she had prominent tattoos that said things like "poison free"). She also talked loudly about her copious consumption of energy drinks. When I brought it up, she said that "caffeine doesn't affect me" and is therefore acceptable. Despite the fact that she had just mentioned that it helped her stay alert for late night studying... If anyone has any insights into this, I am genuinely curious.

So one person's difficulties are meaningless because others are wore off? If you find yourself doing things that are harmful to yourself and that you have trouble controlling then it doesn't matter that other people somewhere else are also in trouble. And just how does Megan's worrying about this affect those starving millions? Perhaps she also works to alleviate poverty, and the guilt of this unwanted, excessive consumption is part of the problem.

You should try acupuncture. Your system is probably really out of whack after years and years of not taking care of yourself, and that can help balance things out again. Plus its fun and makes you feel better all around.

The link between your sugar consumption and your depression aren't surprising: When you ingest nothing but shit all the time, how can you expect to feel good? Feeling good physically leads to feeling good mentally, which leads to less emotional eating (sugar binging), right?

I would suggest seeing a nutritionist or naturopathic doctor. S/he can help you with meal ideas that are super simple and cheap and filling and GOOD FOR YOU. Forget the potato strategy, that sounds dumb.

You need to start giving a shit about other things than the all ages music scene, girl!

The real problem with, and advantage of, all addictions is that they dull down the intensity of real life. Some of us, maybe all of us, just can't take it straight on. The solutions are inadequate, and with food addiction, often come down to trying to control intake, which is the one of the problems in the first place (trying to control our world).

"I'm as disgusted as you are."

Then you aren't really disgusted, at all.

I LOVE the "1 tip of a flat belly" ad running at the bottom of my page right now.

Also, fuck the haters. Go create something instead of shitting on someone else's work.

I ate a pound of Reese's peanut butter cups Saturday night. I ride my bike at least a hundred miles a week, I'd be a blimp if I didn't.

@58: That's me, I'm that jackass.

I had a doctor say "tone it down or your heart will quite-nearly explode in a decade."

So I stopped slogging down crushed-up no-doz stirred in coffee (no fuckin' lie) and started sleeping regularly. Helped a lot. Saved me a bunch of money, too-- spending $25 a week on No-Doz and another $40 on coffee when your art books cost $400 is a big deal.

Sugar was easier to cut back on than that little hell-spawned concoction, and I'm able to drink coffee like a normal human.

But straight-edge folks who are addicted to sugar or caffeine? Yeah, they can be a little jackassy. Errr... we. Not "they", but "we".

I admit I am powerless from saying negative things about Fnarf when consuming sugar.

There.

That feels better.

nice article! :D

I'd liked your story. I don't think you act "holier than thou" and those people are assholes. Good luck.

I'd liked your story. I don't think you act "holier than thou" and those people are assholes. Good luck.

I approached my sugar issues by cutting out all high fructose corn syrup. so no more soft drinks. I do still add some sugar to coffee and some to iced tea, those are my two tricks to having caffiene without HFCS. otherwise it is my real dislike of exercise that is more of a problem.
that couch to 5K is great, actually. get really good shoes.

Mystified by all the trolls here.

Great article; sounds like you're not through the woods yet, though.

Where is all of this disrespect coming from? After a person admits to an eating disorder, you kick them when they are down by pointing out that they are fat? I don't get it.

It's very simple. We live in a still very puritanical society. All bodily pleasures are scorned, and woe be to any woman who indulges, whether in food or sex.

While I don't struggle with sugar to the extent that you do, I can see how somebody COULD. I find sugar to be like other vices in my life (booze, pot, social networking sites :p ). I tend to go through cycles where I'm good at moderation for a long time, and then life sucks for whatever reason and I lean harder on one or more of those vices, start to see it getting out of control, and then take a month or so cold-turkey to get out of the habit. While I'd prefer that I just always stay in the place of moderation, this cycle seems to work ok for me. Those cold-turkey months are hard, though! And it definitely takes that long to break a habit.

When I'm wanting to be sure to moderate, I do pretty well with giving myself just one thing, too. Like, I've been craving sugar since it got really cold (probably because I've been exercising less; I totally buy that link), and so I let myself have hot chocolate in the evenings. Since it's just that one thing, and I'm sorta bored with it, it keeps things sane.

I have never been an addictive type, but sugar is a demon! Just switching from coffee and a pastry for breakfast to plain whole grain hot cereal, or a couple of eggs or full-fat plain yogurt changed my life. No more crashies in the afternoon and general better energy all day long. It's not that hard - I have been running a bar for years with the attendant strange schedule, and the eating well thing can be done.

These recommendations aren't related to the addiction aspect, and can be sort of fanatical at times, but reading them and absorbing the less-wacky parts has led me to a much healthier approach to food:

Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon (cookbook that's chock full of nutrition information)

http://www.westonaprice.org/

Based on your questionland avatar, I think you're super cute! Besides being douches/misogynists the people/person calling you fat is just straight up wrong (not that fat and cute are mutually exclusive). More importantly, you are a thoughtful, intelligent writer.

Megan, this is a great article, I'm really glad you had the courage to write it.

Personally I have no sweet tooth whatsoever, and I get "oh if only I were strong enough to turn down sweets, you're so lucky!" but sugar isn't the only food for compulsive eaters. I can eat nearly a pound of pasta in one sitting. I will ALWAYS go back for seconds of whatever fatty, salty, starchy entree or sides are offered. Dessert I can always do without, but it's not restraint, it's just that my drug is carbs.

I also drink quite a lot. Clinically my habits would be considered frequent binge drinking. I've quit drinking a few times for a month or so at a time just to give myself a rest, to check in with myself, etc. When I quit drinking I almost inevitably develop a sugar craving. Our bodies are such clever chemists, metabolizing this into that and substituting certain chemicals for others. If i didn't drink, I'd most likely be addicted to sugar AND carbs.

I guess it's a good thing I'm a drinker?

Thanks again for this article. So many of us struggle with similar issues, it's fantastic to hear someone so plainly and openly share her own story.

Hey, Megan!
You are right on target in getting that sugar addiction is real,painful and complex. And I love that you got the book Potatoes Not Prozac. However your comment that *DesMaisons claims it can all be cured by eating a potato, every night, right before bed.* is so far from what the book is suggesting, my socks were knocked right off. The book is about healing your biochemistry through a very specific set of steps. The potato is a tiny part. Actually going off the sugar is a big part too, but somehow you seemed to have missed that part. Man, the idea that the potato is a *strategy* is down right silly. The whole book is based on the very science that Dr. Avena used with the rats.

I guess my question is whether you want to heal this or just continue to play head games and dabble. Sugar feelings distort the ability to see a solution right in front of you. If you want what we have, do what we do.

This was a really cool article. Ms. Seling, you are great. And how brave to write it all out. Honestly, I don't know many people who have the balls and the wit to write like this.

I myself am a salt fiend. I want to eat salt until my mouth hurts. I pick the salt off of friends' giant pretzels, I put soy sauce in my ramen noodles. Salt turns up the volume on life, and no one can convince me otherwise. Not even my puffy, struggling heart.

Oh, how I relate to this. I hope you'll post a follow-up.

to all the people who are saying megan is making a mockery of "serious" eating disorders like anoerexia:

i don't think you really understand disordered eating. society's fat phobia, coupled with misinformed conventional wisdom tells us that anyone who cannot simply stop over-eating or binging just lacks will power. this could not be farther from the truth, as evidenced by the conflicting emotions, failed diet experiments and shameful binges in isolation that megan details in her article. the commenters who wrote things about megan being a spoiled/fat american with no real problems completely missed the subtle nuances of her piece. i suggest googling ED-NOS (eating disorder: not otherwise specified) to understand how damaging and REAL this kind of mental illness can be. coupled with depression, it can be downright lethal and not to be taken lightly. people with ED-NOS don't just "eat to feel love" or "binge to suppress our feelings" - rather we restrict to the point where our body is devoid of necessary nutrients and fuel until it literally compels us to binge. cognitive therapy is the only true method of coping i've found, and a good cognitive therapist will encourage you to find something active to do (like yoga or, in megan's case, running) as part of making yourself feel good about making healthier choices.

Megan, I am so with you on this. It's painful to think about, so I kind of skimmed your article with one eye open.

I agree with a previous poster, I would love a follow-up article.

Great article! Thank you! :)

Megan, I was nodding all the way through your recount of the behaviours and feelings that go with the sugar addiction. I and many other people at radiantrecovery.com could match your stories with our own shameful memories. The delightful fact though, is that the misery can change.

4 days is a funny amount of time. If you re-read Potatoes not Prozac, you will notice that 4 days is a biochemically significant time period.

The potato is a food, not magic and not a pill. Doing the potato for 4 days will not give any noticable changes without the preparation that steps 1,2,and 3 give. And neither will doing the spud (step 4) give the whole solution. There are 7 steps , and taking the sugar out is step 6 because the rest of the steps provide the scaffolding for the construction of a healthy biochemistry which can then live without the drug. It takes time and gradual change to resolve the problems that are the result of years of unhelpful choices.

But the results? oh boy!
I went from being permanently tired and depressed and physically ill to gradually changing what and when I ate. I began by eating protein and a complex carb at breakfast within an hour of waking every day.
I continued by recording how I felt in response to what I ate. I got to know my body and to understand what the effects were of the choices I made. I got to know that I could help myself feel better. it was not half so haphazard as I had thought. I moved my sugar intake to meals, and gradually eliminated snacking. And I began to feel better. I had *never* been able to go more than 4 hours without eating before. Wow.

Then came the spud step, and I began to sleep deeply and wake refreshed. I moved from refined to wholemeal carbohydrates and felt a lot more satisfied by what I ate. I was able to eat less and feel more full! I went to remove the sugars, and was astonished to find that most of it had gone, I was simply less interested. I who had lived on sugar, who had baked everyone happy, who always had freshly baked cakes and biscuits in the house... I was satisfied with the meals I prepared and ate, I was contented, and well!

I began to work on step 7. I began to face the things that life served up. I began to act in my own strength instead of from the sugar hazed state I had lived in for years.
I am becoming the real me. And at 46, I am finally beginning to feel like an adult, not a perpetually miserable teenager.

It has not happened instantly, and it has involved making deliberate choices. But when I wanted healing more than I wanted the immediate numbing comfort of sugar, I did what they did, and I got what they got. For me, Healing beats sugar any day!

You just wrote my story.

Megan,

Have you thought about talking to a nutritionist? He or she might be able to help you balance out the sugar and do it slowly. Make it a treat, then just an occasional thing, and then cut it almost totally out.

Great article. I read every word and am going to post it on Facebook. Thanks so much for sharing and for going into all the detail that you did. I'm glad it was a long read instead of a quicker, tossed-of approach.

I have NO idea why a few of the comments people are writing here are such mean-spirited attacks on you... Huh? Screw those people.

No time to read all the posts. I just feel it's necessary that a potato has a high glycemic index and perhaps substitutes for sugar because it... is... sugar. The water, some potassium, trace of fiber--big deal people. You want to avoid carb cravings you eat energy that lasts--some fat or protein--otherwise on sugars your insulin spikes, your blood sugar plummets, and you get hungry again. Is this news?

I think a lot of the hate is just aggression because she mentioned she is Straight-Edge. She may be nice, but by and large, those people are awful, obnoxious dipshits that ruin everyone else's fun and blather about people who have one beer being worthless addicts LONG after the Teenage "I know everything" phase makes it excusable to do so. They tend to be excessively pushy and judgemental towards people who drink or smoke pot, and that's not going to win anyone over. The ones who simply say "no thanks, I don't drink" or "I don't smoke pot, sorry." without being dickheads are fine. But they are few and far between. That's why people are being unnecessarily mean to her: She's a sXe with a socially invisible addiction, and that seems hypocritical to people. I don't think she's a hypocrite, she was just in denial for years.

while megan says she's 20 lbs overweight, not all who are addicted to sugar are overweight. i have been a runner for 14 yrs (largely got rid of my sweet tooth until this last year), and have been told by a couple doctors not to lose anymore weight. but i am absolutely a sugar addict. i could have written this essay myself. like i said, my running largely curbed my sugar addiction, but this last year, with the stress of moving to a foreign country (where i'm not very fluent in the language), and some trauma stemming from being physically attacked by a stranger, i've found myself deep in the clutches of the sugar addiction again. i try to keep myself to the american equivalent of one small candy bar (such as a 100 grand) a day, but the holidays have really thrown me off. thanks for writing about this, megan. good luck and try to stick with the running.

@98: I have met pushy straight-edgers, and so I see where you're coming from, but I hope you'll take my word for it when I say that Megan isn't one of them. Considering the amount of drugs and alcohol that people in this office consume, she'd have been bludgeoned to death a long time ago if she started to lecture us every time we tied one on.

Wow. People are assholes.

I hope you're not reading the comments, but if you are, I completely relate to your story, Megan, and I thank you for sharing it. Some people may find it "hilarious" but I found it sincere and moving.

It is easy for commenters to sit back and point at what you did wrong, where you failed, how your current plan is flawed. Yes, there are a slew of other approaches you could have taken (or maybe you did and chose not to write about them). But this is what's working for you, right now.

Best of luck to you.

Funny, Funny writing. Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. :) And Always.

Good rule of thumb for people who tend to carb binge/are carb addicted- Avoid White Foods (and foods with "white" ingredients): flour, starch, rice, and simple sugar.

It's not easy. Especially in the US. Sugar is cheap and everywhere.

But it's worth it.

Sugar addiction can also happen to men, btw

Crook, William G. (1986). The yeast connection: a medical breakthrough. New York: Vintage Books. ISBN 0394747003.

It's not you chasing the dragon, it's the yeast.

The article is amazing, Megan. Anything that would inspire this amount of advice, bizarre confession, venomous accusation, sympathetic juxtaposition, projection, speculation, comparison of vices, et al is truly awesome.

And it wasn't just shock effect -- like "The Long Winter" it was an unflinching yet elegant essay based in self-awareness and brave disclosure.

Bravo!