There sure is a lot of shaming going on here about (fictional) relationship dynamics that two consenting adults have entered into. I guess Dan, as editorial director, doesn't have any editorial oversight of the film section at the Stranger?

By all accounts, it's a stinker of a movie, based on an even worse stinker of a book. I just didn't expect that angle of criticism coming from the same newspaper that employs America's most well known sex-positive advice columnists.

@1: Did you get this irritated when Exit To Eden was reviewed? :p

@1: I didn't get a shaming vibe at all. Would you mind elaborating on what contributed to your perception?

@2: Ha! It's been a long time since I saw that one. I can't say that I remember it, however. With the possibility of Rosie being a recurring SNL role of Steve Bannon in the near future (or so many of us ardently hope, anyway), maybe it's time to give it another watch.

@3: You didn't, really? I got it all the way through. First, there's the first paragraph about the "5,000 other points throughout the movie" where Anastasia smiles at their arrangement, despite the earlier statement that it's a bad thing. Which leads to:

If this is what us gals are supposed to salivate over on Valentine’s Day, I remain disappointed in Hollywood’s expectations of women.

Setting aside the absurd notion that Hollywood is a monolith regarding women's issues, the sales figures imply that this sort of thing actually is what a lot of women salivate over, and did, to the tune of millions of sales for each volume in the trilogy, with up to an 80% female consumer base for the books in some markets, as well as a $570M return on the first film's $40M budget.

Then there's all of these passages:

Christian decides he doesn’t have to be a sadist...

As if any aspect of our sexuality is chosen and can be changed at will. (Admittedly, this could be E.L. James' failing, faithfully adapted from the source material.)

...perhaps he’ll take a look at that so he and Ana can be a normal couple.

The obvious implication here being that they're an abnormal couple, because of their kinks.

...young wealthy sociopath.

Being into domination (or submissiveness) does not automatically make one a sociopath. Maybe Grey exhibits other behaviors in the books/films that imply he is one (diagnosed or not) but this alone is not evidence of that.

And the terrible power dynamic of their relationship—which, again, should not be celebrated or emulated—doesn’t work its way into the bedroom scenes, so, in theory, you could enjoy a decent portion of the movie for the beautifully shot smut that it is. But to do so, you’ll have to ignore the larger portion of the movie that is offensive.

This one has got layers, but the core is the assumed notion that no woman would ever willingly enter into a relationship like this one.

Now, do I have any vested interest in any of this? Fuck no. I am not making money off these books, or the films. I've seen enough passages of these books to know what hot garbage they are, and how terrible a writer E.L. James is, so I'm certainly no outraged fan. I'm not part of a D/S relationship, and the only interest I've ever had in engaging in BDSM play was to indulge one or two partners I've had that did.

Could there be a lot of context I'm missing, having never endured the books or subjected myself to the film adaptations? Sure. Am I missing some very subtle implied satire at work? Possibly, though it seems wholly absent in that last passage at least.

So do I care about any of this? Not really. I'm not even offended by the review either. There are far more important (and worse) things happening right now in the world for me to invest any emotion into these films, or even a review of them. Again, I was merely surprised that what seems to be such a scolding review about sexual dynamics within a relationship between two fully capable and informed adults would be published in Dan Savage's own newspaper.

If you do go see it, please leave a comment to let me know how wildly off base I am, and lacking in intelligence to appreciate Ms Jones' peerless satirical wit. Or don't, and spare me the guilt of being even tangentially responsible for your suffering (and the suffering of those involved in the production of these films).

Firstly, I have not read the books nor will I be going to see the movie. But yes, from what I have read in multiple accounts, the entire series showcases a supremely fucked-up relationship. It doesn't have anything to do with BDSM, at least not the safe, sane and consensual type. It's abuse, and it shouldn't be glorified.

I agree that I fInd pretty much all reviews of the books and movies to be very shaming of the millions of women whose sexual FANTASIES are represented by them. I am not a fan personally of these particular works, but as a female-type person whose fantasy life is not 'correct' either, I get pretty irked at the charge that so many woman are doing their sexuality all wrong. Sometimes from supposedly sex positive people who I would hope don't usually assume woman are children who can't differentiate fantasy from reality.
I'm sorry if women's actual, real, sexuality isn't pure and gentle enough for these people. OK. I'm not, even a little. I'm too busy working the second shift/being underpaid/fighting for basic rights to purify my fucking fantasies for y'all.
Eagerly awaiting all the concern that men who like spy novels will try to break into the nearest foreign embassy, or that men who like action movies will start wearing bandannas and blowing up neighborhood buildings so they can walk away from them in slow motion.

In other words, I appreciate the pearl clutching about real-life abuse. Maybe donate or volunteer to address it. Don't police women's fantasies. An abuse or rape or dominance fantasy doesn't mean a woman is 'asking for it'. We are never asking for it. Kthx.

I haven't read the books, only excerpts (excruciatingly BAD, refrain if you have any love for the English language!) from reviews, so I could be totally wrong here, but these books sound like Harlequin Romances with whips. The (naive, virginal, pure and beautiful) heroine isn't into submission at all, she's doing it to save (gag!) her boyfriend (incredibly rich, handsome, mysterious and dominating stalker!) with mom issues (double gag!!)! These books also flog the premise that the "hero" - billionaire stalker dude - isn't really into dominance and sadism at all, he's doing it because he's very damaged from childhood abuse, and can be cured of his sick cravings (because bad mom!) with the pure love, sacrifice, and patience from our heroine!

So yeah, NOT a celebration of BDSM culture as a legitimate, empowering lifestyle! It's not the reviewer doing the shaming.

@8,

During my undergraduate education, I remember seeing an advertisement for a film project. The director wanted LGBT people to sit down for an on camera interview about our childhoods.

I responded to the ad. The director came to campus and we chatted a bit. I told her about my own childhood, which had been incredibly abusive. My "bad mom" as you put it wasn't fictional, as in this film, but rather real. And yes, my father did sexually assault me, too.

The director said she was very sorry, but she was not interested in having me participate i the film. She wanted the film project to show that LGBT people are normal, and not mere products of child abuse. I was gay before I came out of the womb, and all signs hint at the abuse that I received being a product of my parents perceptions of my readily apparent homosexuality- they tried to "beat it out of me", and my father felt that he could get away with what he did to me because he incorrectly assumed that I would, out of shame, never tell anyone about it or try to stop him for fear of being outed.

Okay, so I've got mom and dad issues, Does that make you gag? It made me gag when they took place, too. I guess some might say I have been damaged, although I would reply that perhaps I was, but I've dealt with it better than I could have. I'm working on a second master's degree and I've served my country both domestically and abroad far better than most of you lazy fucks who've had it so good your whole goddamn lives.

Now, there's lots of reasons to hate this film. The premise of the books is ridiculous. I've read porn that was far better written. And it does portray women in a very unflattering light.

But do your critiques of this have to include a distaste for people who suffered child abuse?

I have nothing to say about this other than holy crap is that dress beautiful in that picture.

I think there can be some real challenges in distinguishing abusive power imbalance from 24/7 BDSM. But I don't have enough familiarity with 'lifestyle' BDSM to make judgments about anybody.

This review doesn't seem clear on the idea that there is a distinction at all.

@9 I'm very sorry you were hurt by those who were supposed to love and care for you. I'm glad you were able to survive and are living well and free from those people. Some people should never be parents.

You misunderstood my post. The "gag" isn't about child abuse. I volunteered as an advocate for children with the City Attorney' Domestic Violence Department while in college, I've seen the unbearable cruelty that were inflicted on innocent children by their so-called parents. It's not something that I'd ever be flippant about. I was gagging over Ms James' claim that her hero is into dominance and sadism because he was abused by his parents! There are some abused children who grow up to become abusive, - possibly because that's all they know - but the majority grow up to be kind, responsible, and loving parents. I just feel that to write a novel claiming that Grey is into BDSM because of his mom, is simplistic, irresponsible, and dangerous. I don't know anything about BDSM, but I've gotten the impression, mostly from reading Dan Savage, that people with this kink choose these practices because they enjoy it, not because they hate their moms. I was saying in my post that it's James who is doing the BDSM shaming, not the movie reviewer.

Here's an article about what some BDSM people think about James' books and movies:

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2015/fe…

If this is what us gals are supposed to salivate over on Valentine’s Day, I remain disappointed in Hollywood’s expectations of women.

I don't know how successful this particular movie will turn out to be, but it's my understanding that the the book it's based on was very successful, and so was the first movie and the book that film was based on. So apparently, a lot of women are salivating over this kind of stuff (just like a lot of women were all hot for the Twilight books and movies.)

I'm waaaaaay too good for this poorly written anti-feminist tripe, and truly pity the hundreds of thousands of mainstream suckers who've enjoyed tens of millions of extra orgasms since they unfortunately came across it. So wrong, so sad. If only we could muster enough collective smug to talk those poor victims back into not fucking.