Food & Drink Feb 10, 2011 at 4:00 am

The Glory of the Heavily-Adjectivally-Modified Beef

Kelly O

Comments

1
Pile on the adjectives AND the toppings!! Seriously.. this sounds so good: I'm always in the market for a new burger :) (Read: I'm there!)

Sam

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2
Pile on the adjectives AND the toppings!! Seriously.. this sounds so good: I'm always in the market for a new burger :) (Read: I'm there!)

Sam

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4
Shamelessly omitted from the review: the great beer selection and the delicious poutine made with waffle fries (don't tell anyone from Montreal, though).
5
Also, their veggie burgers are MADE OF TASTY. They make them in house, and they're often vegan - ask, as they occasionally use egg (or maybe that was just the first try).
6
Uneeda Burger is just about perfect. For about $18 (including tax and tip) you and your date can get two classic burgers with cheese, two sodas from the extensive soda collection and split an order of the crispy waffle fries.

The aforementioned waffle fries are delicious, but so are the onion rings. Pat the rings with a napkin to absorb some of the grease and bite into the perfectly fried onion. See how it doesn't slide out of the batter? Yeah.

The thing about Uneeda isn't just the food. It's the little things. Like having two bathrooms, a pint glass full of knives for cutting your burger and a pour-your-own water station.

Did I mention the shakes? Just wonderful. It's a hand-dipped, real chocolate five-dollar-shake in a world that thought five-dollar-shakes were expensive 16 years ago (yes, Pulp Fiction came out 16 years ago).

Yes, it's just a burger shack. But it's damn near perfect. Uneeda, I <3 you.
7
@5: Ditto on the veggie burger. They call it a "crunchy grain [something]" burger. Not actually crunchy, but homemade and perfectly spiced and definitely vegan and fucking delicious.

The "signature menu" includes one set of vegan toppings, but the veggie patty can be subbed into any signature option, plenty of which are vegetarian.

(Still, if I ever eat meat again, it's probably going to be that straight-up wagyu thing Lindy's got me drooling about.)
8
Lindy, please come for a food tour of Chicago. I will host. You can stay on my couch (btw, I am a nice, normal young lady).
9
i wasn't impressed. tasted like the same thing i could get at red mill. considering what mister staples does with a burger at quinn's, i expected some a little less - ho hum.
10
The spurm burger that babies were made of. Swallow, don't spit.

Lindy, you really made my stomach move.

11
Mooooooosan. Nomnomnom.
12
"Unlike every other bar, eatery... there is ZERO taxidermy..."

Lindy West declares the presence of taxidermy in the hallowed warmth of Red Mill Burgers.

I say, Not fucking likely.

[New to Seattle? Visit 312 North 67th St
(206) 783-6362 or redmillburgers.com]
13
"reclining on a plate in a pose of edibility"

LOVE
14
Anyone have the guts to tell Cheryl Waters and Rachel Flotard they are the no longer the badest-ass women in Seattle? Lindy, it's you.
15
Uneeda > Blue Moon > Red Mill.
16
lindy, i have asked before and i ask again "MARRY ME?"!

ok, just let me say this about this burger, ANYBODY but the overrated red mill. seriously, too expensive and the bacon is NEVER fresh. so, uneeda is my new pal...!
17
Worst taxidermy intro to an article ever.
18
Sexy burger.
19
I live in Fremont so I'll have to check this out. I like Red Mill, but the line is way too long to justify going there. Nice to hear they have a good veggie burger as I don't do beef patties. What about other meats? (they don't seem to have a website or I'd check myself).
20
I used to feel that way about ham on burgers. Then I went somewhere up in Everett that had a cheeseburger with ham and kielbasa on it, and tried it out of morbid curiosity combined with ravening hunger. Since then, ham on my burger = yes please.
21
DO THEY HAVE A VEGGIE PATTY?
22
Flan-hearter:

See @5, @7.
23
Yes. Chocolate syrup in a vanilla milkshake is not a chocolate milkshake. It is a vanilla milkshake with chocolate syrup in it.

I thought I was the only person who had the time and inclination and lack of real problems to form an opinion on the subject. Thanks, Lindy!
24
Am I the only one that finds Red Mill Burger to be way over rated?
25
I've now eaten at Uneeda Burger twice.
Both burger were ok.
Even the Waygu Beef burger wasn't heaven.
If you want a burger, go.
But don't expect the best burger of your life.
BTW, the Skinny Fries and Chopped Salad were disappointing.

26
Just got done eating a burger from there, they totally mixed up my order.

I ordered a Classic with wagyu beef, bacon and cheese for the wife, BBQ burger with chicken for myself, and waffle fries to share. This was a to-go order, so I didn't see anything until I got home and opened it up. The wagyu burger didn't have cheese or bacon on it. Instead of a BBQ chicken burger, mine was a regular beef burger with cheese and bacon. I wasn't going to go all the way back over it and make a big deal, but it was pretty annoying. Mine was pretty decent, though they went overboard on the sauce mixed with lettuce and I think Red Mill has better bacon. The wife found the wagyu to be tasty, but not really worth the extra cost. Fries were pretty good, but nothing special.

I'll go back again sometime and give them another shot, but make sure they give me the right thing next time...
27
No offense, but from your last post, you might have wanted to try the salad. Just sayin.....
28
Good stuff!! This review made me laugh. On a serious note:

"Please stop forcing me to break my jaw on a leathery ciabatta roll when all I want is a fucking BUN"

A to the motherfucking MEN. I've eaten way too many expensive patties served on chewy dense (otherwise good) rolls. Fuck that shit. Bun me.
29
Went this weekend and it was incredible -- thanks, Lindy!
30
@4: YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT OUR SECRET DELICIOUSNESS?
Hahah... but wow. Waffle fries poutine... Cawliss c'est bon! ;)
31
Once again, Seattle food snobs show that they don't know anything about burgers. I haven't had a better burger than 5 Guys...period.
And yes, I have eaten at Uneeda. It was meh.
32
I went last night...I spent $12 on a meal that was uninspired at best. I would rather have eaten at McDonalds...better fries and frankly, their Angus burger is better than this alleged Kobe burger.

Also: the place was full of kids under the age of 8 and their hipster parents. Nothing wrong with kids or parents, but it was a shock seeing so many of them at once...I don't eat off the Hill very often.
33
Stop eating this stuff, chubby.
34
This is the post I find when I click on your name after your post about how you've tried, SO HARD, to lose weight. I guess you think you deserve that fatfest. For trying SO HARD for a day and a half and not seeing any results. Fattie.
35
He he he...hey Beavis, Lindy loves pit bulls as much as Dan.
36
Tried their basic burger and it wasn't good enough to go back for.
Even though they cook their burgers "medium" mine dripped blood on the bun which was gross and my friend had to get his redone because it was so undercooked.
Bottom line, not good.
And to the writer, saying "fucking" and going over the top on the language doesn't help the review. It really distracts from the issue.

When I want a burger, that's all I want. Lunchbox travesty etc. just doesn't cut it. They scream, "Look at me" just like that episode of Seinfeld where he is wearing the fur and carrying a purse.

37
Went to Uneeda this weekend. It was good. It wasn't anything to throw a fit over. I would go back for a plain wagyu burger because the beef was damn tasty, but not worry about the fries. Nothing to write home about. I was kind of bummed that I paid Lunchbox Lab Price (literally, my bill was $2 less than a meal for two at LL) and my first bite didn't cause my eyes to roll back in my head and me to make mouthgasm noises.

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