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Dec 6 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Fatalities In The War On Cars Are Never In Cars.
@3 Urgutha: I agree that the careless drivers lack the intent that a rapist does. But so do drunk drivers - they don't plan on killing other drivers. Yet we (now, in the last few decades) hold drunk drivers to greater account for their actions, viewing their choice to drink & drive as increasing to their culpability.

Full disclosure: a bicycling friend was killed and a dear, old friend of mine was widowed by a distracted driver 5 years ago.

I'd like distracted driving elevated to a similar status as DWI in criminal statutes and to generate a similar amount of moral outrage from the public. We've seen big reductions in DWIs since MADD's campaigns, changed laws, penalties and public perception. The stuff on one's smart phone is going to keep getting more tempting and engaging in the years before self-drive cars get to the masses.

My analogy was not to suggest an moral equivalence of rape and distracted driving but to point out the parallels in the victim blaming in both realms and the current lack of accountability for distracted drivers.
Dec 6 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Fatalities In The War On Cars Are Never In Cars.
"public-safety campaigns have tended to focus more on pedestrian behavior."

Wear light clothing and bright colors.
Walk so you can see opposing traffic.
Don't be distracted while walking near the roadway.
Don't go out at night.

Gee, what does this sound like?!?

Maybe, just like men SHOULDN'T RAPE WOMEN, we could get the message out that
Nov 21 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Old Friend Wants To Be Money Slave.
@5: +1 on the anabolic steroid use. That's what came screaming out at me. Now was it coincidental that the dude gets off on having a small dick? Did he use the steroid for that reason (instead of it being an undesired side effect of taking steroids to bulk up)? Or did he mean to bulk up, shrunk his dick and fetishized what was happening?

Doesn't much matter for the LW. Weird dude with boundary issues, maybe other issues.

If she could channel her inner Dom (doesn't sound like she has one), and put him in his place, and any time he steps a tiny bit out of line (e.g. contacts her before she said he could), she cuts him off for a long time, then MAYBE, she could milk his wallet (so she gets some nice things and he gets to milk his tiny dick).
Nov 16 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love.
@125: Yeah, I wondered if NAME disclosed his girlfriend's actual name or not. He purports to be bisexual and says this homonymic rule restricts him with prospects of both genders (Erin/Aaron, Francis/Frances, maybe Don/Dawn) so it could be any of those or a name that is ungendered like Jordan, Morgan, Lynne, etc.

But with any of those, my point still holds: Any particular name is a de minimis restriction to his hall pass to fool around. And a desire to want "Erin!!!!" cried out in a moment of passion to more surely be about her is understandable to me.

If, as you theorize (@71), the GF "Erin" whips out rules to constrain NAME's activities after nominally approving their open status, yeah, then it's on her to knock it the fuck off.
Nov 14 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love.
@118, Crissycrunch: Interesting site. And useful for stats on first OR last names, but not both. I run a number of combinations and its report of how many "David Smith", "Harry Potter", etc there are and in all cases it assumed a random distribution. They were all US population x incidence of first name x incidence of last name.

But contrary to how Sheldon in Big Bang Theory tried to gain a mathematical edge by combining the most common first name and most common last name in the world for his guess, "Muhammad Lee", there are strong correlations in play.
Nov 14 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love.
There is a department of the US Government with data on hand to help analyze NAME's kink for some forbidden fruit. Your tax dollars at work. Turns out, yes, Aaron/Erins are pretty thin on the ground.

By decade / name / number with that name / total births / rank / incidence of that name (within their gender):
1990's: Aaron; 128,318; 20,546,528; 31st; 1/160.
1990's: Erin; 65,326; 19,640,557; 50th; 1/300.
1980's: Aaron; 138,343; 19,230,995; 32nd; 1/139.
1980's: Erin; 115,814; 18,451,632; 28th; 1/159.
1970's: Aaron; 101,539; 17,111,945; 35th; 1/168.
1970's: Erin; 67,911; 16,461,313; 39th; 1/242.

Yes, I am an engineer (hence the MacGyver avatar). And a David who dated 6 women in a row, 5 of whom had a first or middle name of Susan, several of them having had an immediately previous BF named David. Which should tell you within 1-2 years when I born.
Nov 14 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love.
NAME: So the "Forbidden Fruit" that is so tempting - so very tempting that you'll risk the ridiculously good arrangement you have now?

So much of kinky sex is "playing cops and robbers with your clothes off" (i.e. role playing actions and feelings you'd never do IRL). Can you negotiate a set of rules that lets you pursue forbidden activities AND give your GF the confidence that you'll follow rules that are important to her? I think so.

First, fess up to your kink / preference / thrill at breaking the rules. Which is as common as bigots in a voting booth. Then structure some "soft rules" and admit this is something your GF is doing for you (and maybe you owe her something else in return). Her "hard rules" remain in force and breaking those are DTMFA infractions.

Soft rules could be about sexual activities / positions, traits of a partner (hair color, shaves or not, body type), time / place of liaisons, etc. They might be your GF's preferences for some limits on you or maybe she could get into designing some constraints for you to sneak around. Then you try to break those rules and not get caught. And if you do get caught, maybe there's some punishment for you and reward for your GF (you pay all the rent that month? enthusiastic and competent foot rubs the next 30 nights?). Maybe she gets to enforce a yet-to-named punishment if you get caught. That uncertainty might excite you.

You get to break rules, but ethically. Your GF gets to control you in minor ways (which it sounds like she gets off on). You still don't get to fuck Erins/Aarons but you would get to break rules.

Cause NAME, there are so many, many more fuckable people out there - roughly 169 out of every 170 people* - that for some reason you are fixating on the very few that are out of bounds. Maybe it's like immediately after buying a new car it seems the same model is EVERYWHERE, but the fact that this trivial constraint causes you grief tells me that you are sorely tempted to break some rules.

* data to follow.
Nov 7 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: What's In a Name?.
10 years ago, I saw a birth announcement in our local, rural, small-town newspaper for "James Tiberius Kirk Weldy". What I really wanted to know was if BOTH parents were trekkies or if the other would be pissed when they found out. Later, a reporter who'd interviewed them confirmed that, yes, both were serious, long-time Star Trek fans.
Nov 2 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
@14 and @15: She wasn't objecting to the kind of porn the fiancee was watching, only that he was watching porn. So unless she is as bad a writer as she is a romantic partner, misogynistic porn isn't the issue.

@10, avast: yeah, to her partner: DTMFA.

While I'd credit the LW for reaching out to Dan and because she has some sense that the problem is her own, she is still SO far from being able to come to terms with her issues and get over them. And the wedding is now less than 3 WEEKS away! They need to kick that can at least 6 months down the road and resolve this (and probably a few more) issues. Canceling the caterer and the country-club dance hall is a LOT cheaper and less embarrassing then divorcing 3 years from now.
Oct 25 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Erotic Novels Need New Home.
I've been to all the bookstores within 100 miles (not a lot, alas). And the non-Bible bookstores? Are all valuable community institutions. They offer community groups places to meet. Theater and musical events are advertised and tickets sold at no mark-up. Author readings are hosted, book recommendations made, and presents you need right now are available.