DAVIDinKENAI
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Jan 11 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Ex Was Wrong For Me But The Sex Was Perfect.
@42 Sportlandia: Google "Sultan's Dowry Problem" and various explanations of it will pop right up. The problem is phrased to be about the daughters' dowries, but presumably the commoner has sex with the selected daughter, so it seems an unusually appropriate mathematical lesson for Savage Love.

IRL example where I've used it: Ten round trivia competition. New host, so I don't know the difficulty or distribution of scores in each round. I can "joker" one round to double my score in that round. Which round to joke? Solution: sample 0.367879 of the set (e.g. four) and then joker the next round that is higher. Not perfect, of course, but it does maximize your chance of selecting the highest of the ten.
Jan 11 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
dcp123@92: He also coached the US Olympic Ski Team. And, upon turning 70 (most prof go emeritus at 60 or 65), a UC Regent suggested he retire. He told that Regent he'd retire if that Regent could beat him in a 1/4-mile foot race. He was an active hiker throughout his life (and past President of the Sierra Club). He published more articles after turning 70 than in the first half-century of his career (he'd reduced his undergrad teaching obligations and did more work with grad students). He was the first member of the American Chemical Society to make it to 100 (bench chemists have much shorter life spans than other middle-class, college educated professionals. Probably better now, but I remember differences like 63 versus 75).

He and a few of my relatives were data points in my observation that intellectually and physically, you either "Use it or Lose it."
Jan 11 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Ex Was Wrong For Me But The Sex Was Perfect.
@28 and bedding 100 women in 3 years: That is so not me. Never has been. Sigh. But it is some people. Yeah, professional athletes (Magic Johnson reportedly admitted to having sex with 300 to 500 people per year) and traveling musicians seem to attract their groupies, but I've had friends who could walk into a bar and reliably go home with someone that night (obviously easy for women, but I'm talking about men, here). So if they go out most Friday nights for 3 years . . .
Jan 10 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Ex Was Wrong For Me But The Sex Was Perfect.
@11: I dated a long succession of straight-A valedictorian nerds. Proposed to one and married another.

Geek Power!
Jan 10 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Ex Was Wrong For Me But The Sex Was Perfect.
@1: "On average, you'll find him within 69 dudes."

OTOH, if you want to maximize the chances of picking the best out of 100 lovers (assuming once discarded, you don't get a redo), you should sample 37% ( 1/e ) of them, and then stop with the next one that beats the best of the first 37%.

P.S. acknowledging that you are using this strategy is likely self defeating unless ubernerds are your thing.
Jan 10 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
dcp123 @82: Joel Hildebrand is in Guiness for having one of the longest teaching careers. More than 40,000 students took Freshman Chemistry from him (including my grandmother, father, and uncles) from 1913 to 1981, although in later years when my sister and I were there, he only guest-lectured Freshman Chem with his "Big Game Lecture" in which a red & white bi-layer solution turned, with no intervention, into a blue&gold solution. And he described some of what he'd seen in his professional lifetime, which arguably started in 1897 because he first got published while in high school (i.e. >90% of modern chemistry at that point).

My grandmother's notebook (I still have it) reads more like a cookbook than a chemistry lecture. No Lewis dot structures, no electron orbitals. Just so many drams of this react with so many drams of that.

He did his work in solubility and invented helium diving in WWII to let divers go deep for a long time and avoid the bends.
Jan 10 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
@79: intellectually, no. No difference.

But my unreasoned, gut reaction (on which I think most dating app behavior hinges): Limiting prospects to one's own race strikes me as bigoted when I read it ("No Asians or Blacks!).

Pursuing a race different than one's own ("Asian ancestry a plus") seems a little limiting but basically cool if the general vibe confirms the basic humanity of the prospect (rather than as a fetish or prop).

Again, no logic to that perception, but that's what I'd attribute to different personal ads.

Like "prefer tall", "music lover", "outdoorsy", "goth" all seem like reasonable preferences and perhaps helpful in reducing the inbox load. But what I'm hearing from other posters here is that most people (i.e. men) don't read very well or think that filters don't apply to them. And they message you anyway. So instead of removing the jerks without your preferred attributes, maybe you're mostly reducing the number of thoughtful people who respond.
Jan 10 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
dcp123 @71: yeah, it is cool. My grandmother had the same professor at UCB (in 1917) that I did for Freshman Chemistry so I've got deep roots in SF/Berkeley/UCB/Stanford.

Your observation about "scanning a room and seeing that every couple there was interracial in one way or another." reminds of being surprised about Atlanta a few years ago. I was in a business hotel and in the lobby were three couples discussing options with the wedding co-ordinator. One boring white couple, one interracial and one gay couple. There in the "Deep South". And I realized that being the most diverse, perhaps progressive place in a large red area would attract so many of the non-conforming people from 1000 miles around.
Jan 10 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
Ricardo @46 and EmmaLiz @47, Thanks for your responses. I was thinking of my experiences which happened as an adult. Thanks for the perspective that if biracial, disabled, etc, one has been "outside / other" their whole life and if LGBT, been conscious of being "other" since puberty (or earlier). Is there also a factor of being in a small dating pool that expands one's horizons?

I wasn't inclined to limit myself to "the girl next door" out of any political mindset, quite the opposite. I very much wanted to root that out of myself when I noticed it. It surprised me at the time the extent to which it was embedded in my, despite liberal parents, cousins in interracial marriages, Bay Area upbringing, etc.

That broader culture sure can put a spell on you.
Jan 9 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
Cis, straight, white male here. So I don't get the nuances of this issue within gay culture, but on the racial issue?

I grew up in a really white town. 2300-student high school, 4 black students. Met a woman at work. We starting dating. At one point, she asked if I'd ever dated a black woman before. I was honest, but perhaps too blunt in my reply, "The most I've ever said to a black woman before was, 'I'd like $10 of gas on pump #5, please.' ".

It took me about 6 months to get my head/heart around us "working out". I was enjoying her, tremendously, and enjoying our time together. There were the pragmatic concerns like, "Where could we live together in comfort and peace?" Berkeley, NYC, Berkeley, SF, Berkeley, maybe Madison, or Berkeley seemed to the possible answers back then. The bigger, slower, internal issues for me were the semi-conscious ways in which she wasn't the "girl next door". That's what took months for me to move through. Had she been white, that issue wouldn't have delayed me. If I hadn't been slow to move ahead, she might not have strayed for two weeks with her stand partner. If she hadn't strayed (pre-DanS I was far more rattled by those mis-steps), I probably would have stuck with it and we'd have celebrated our *jeez* 30th anniversary already.

Point being, I did get there, dating someone who wasn't "my type", but it took me some time. I glad I got there. But I'd feel better about myself if I'd been a faster learner.

My question to gays (since your partner isn't the "girl next door" in a far more fundamental way) and for lesbians (who aren't dating the "boy next door" their family expected them to) is: Does that intrinsic "outside the box" aspect of ALL your romantic relationships make you more open to interracial, inter-generation, and inter-class relationships? Because I see, percentage-wise, more diversity among LGBT partners, than among straights.
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