report this user
Oct 14, 2014 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
@12 - Very few women are looking for a long-term poly triad. If you're serious about looking, you've got to keep at it.

For whatever it's worth, my guy and I have talked to, jeez, hundreds of women over the last 5 years, out of which we've had sex with 5. One actually was a relationship that lasted for around 4 or 5 months.
Sep 16, 2014 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
@5 - In my experience, most couples looking for "unicorns" *are* looking for an emotionally invested relationship. It's sometimes pathetic how desperately they're looking for that.

Now, they don't always have realistic ideas about how that's actually going to work, whether they'd really be happy that way, or the emotionally time/energy involved in a poly relationship. And sometimes they're looking for another partner because they're not happy with each other. But they are, at least in their own minds, looking for more.

Also, bi/bicurious women looking for a casual threesome with friends (especially right after a divorce or breakup) aren't that rare. It's the poly triad part that makes them "unicorns", because most people don't want that, they just want to walk on the wild side now and then.
Jul 23, 2014 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
I disagree about SOCI. Not because his partner was flirting and sending sexy photos to other guys, but because he was lying and sneaking around on him to do it. That's not okay.
May 28, 2014 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
@22 - he's saying dude is slightly bi, but not much.

The "rounding" part comes from the Kinsey scale, a way of expressing the range of sexual orientation, where 0 is totally straight and 6 is totally gay.

So maybe the LW is, like, 0.5 on the scale. Just a tiny bit into guys. People that are low on the scale like that tend to "round down" to 0, that is, straight.
Apr 10, 2014 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
It's interesting... some people seem to be assuming that SOS's wife just randomly one day decided she didn't want to have sex with anyone ever again. That doesn't seem very likely to me.

It seems more likely that she's gotten bored of sex with him, that he doesn't want to do anything extra to please her and keep her sexually interested, and that she wants to stay faithful to him to honor their vows even if they'd both be happier sleeping with other people. If SOS there is sleeping with other women, then he's getting his needs met, but it doesn't help his wife get hers at all.
Jan 14, 2014 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
I'm guessing the "mother/lover" thing with LW1's friend is an excuse. Her husband probably just isn't excited about sex with her anymore for whatever reason - post-baby weight, she's too busy with the baby to pay attention to him, he's having an affair, whatever - and doesn't want to cop to it.

As far as LW4 goes... you're used to the behavior of desperate horny 16-year old boys. Most self-respecting grown men won't beg and writhe just because you stick your fingers under their waistband without actually touching anything. (Unless you're doing some kind of dominance/submission game - which, if you do like having those guys beg you, just might be your thing.)
Dec 25, 2013 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
@28 - Morbid obesity is often a symptom/coping mechanism for emotional problems such as depression, anxiety and insecurity. I agree with Dan that the writer should focus, at least for now, on learning to be happy with herself.

Hopefully, improving her mental health will lead to a desire and comitment to improve her physical health. (And even if it doesn't, it's still better for her to be obese and happy than obese and unhappy.)
Dec 25, 2013 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
BELLY - As someone that does martial arts and gets hit in the stomach on the regular... if you're going to be doing this, get a chest protector. Google "martial arts chest guard" - you can get a tolerable one for under $40. You'll still feel an impact, but it'll protect your organs.
Dec 11, 2013 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
People have been bringing up BDSM for SAD, and it's true that controlling the sex and getting off on begging are common D/s things. But this guy isn't engaging in consensual power play - he's manipulating her.

At *best*, he doesn't understand his own reaction or doesn't know how to ask for it - but that lack of self-awareness or inability to communicate is not a good sign. And that's the best case, where he might learn from a rejection and become a responsible kink partner ot someone else later. Worst case, he's an abusive tool for whom this is just the beginning of the crazy.
May 14, 2013 notfromvenus commented on Savage Love.
@13 - DSBs? How about half of straight guys anywhere ever?

DSG-type behavior contributes to the widespread feeling among straight men that real lesbian/bi women are only doing it for their arousal, and that "you just haven't been with the right man". Ugh.