misspiggy
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4:23 AM yesterday misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Supporting Your Kids (& Their Cam Businesses).
@9 apparently the pics are from a fitting. Not quite the same thing.
Jan 13 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up.
I love these reader responses. Please keep them coming, Dan!
Dec 11, 2016 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Hand Jive.
FabWoman @28: Thank you for your beautiful insights. My man and I are just starting, in our chronically-unwell 40s, to get some insight into what that kind of love means.
Nov 1, 2016 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: His Woes Are Similar to WOES Woes.
I'd add that if a wife in this situation is on the pill, her libido, already knackered by kids and exhaustion, is going to vanish. Off the pill, my libido is actually rather frightening. On the pill, with no kids, I'm a twice a week girl.

So - equalise the labour, give mum time away from the kids - and from sex - to feel like her own person for a bit, be good in bed, and use condoms or get a vasectomy. Oh, and don't forget to present yourself as a dynamic, varied and interesting man to your wife. I think the thing about women needing variation and distance to desire someone has a lot of truth to it.

Sounds like a lot of work? It is. But nothing compared to the effort a single man would have to put in to get decent sex once a week.
Oct 5, 2016 misspiggy commented on Savage Love.
Yes to finding someone who can diagnose you properly. Spent years with terrible problems and being fobbed off. Told it was my age. Turned out it was Strep B, which many labs in the UK are not set up to test for. The right antibiotic, delivered at the right strength and in the right way, worked and my life is transformed. When it recurs and I can't get to the right doctor yet, high strength garlic extract helps.
Sep 22, 2016 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Wants To Want Her Husband Again.
@97: I can see where both of you are coming from. Do you feel like you have too much intimacy, almost like you're his mother? That's what the bathroom incident seemed like to me. Why would he try to come into the bathroom? He's not a toddler. Why would he tease you about how long you took? How does that help preserve the separation/mystique needed to desire each other?

On the other hand, you going straight to such clear anger over something like that would be very hard to live with. I guess in a perfect world, if you were already fairly happy with him, you might have assertively said you didn't want any more bathroom related teasing or intrusion, OK? - but you'd have said it before you got truly angry. Not easy, given the current dynamics between you.

You could divorce him but allow him to keep living with you for a set period; not an easy road to take, but it could work for some, if you got careful legal advice.

Or you could keep trying together to find a new way of interacting. Marriage counselling, maybe assertiveness training for both of you. That might lead you to desire him again, but it doesn't sound like a short term route. During that time you'd have to really avoid your crush, assuming they are a real person you know and not a convenient filmstar. Good luck!
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Sep 21, 2016 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Daddy Issues.
An alternative is for LW to look online for a fine upstanding guy who is only a few years older than him (but maybe a bit dominant) and looks grey and lined, in a hot way. This is a legit look for men and personally it's my favourite.
Sep 19, 2016 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Wants To Want Her Husband Again.
You got married because of his daughter and you didn't move in together until a year after marrying; he didn't handle your mental health issues well from your perspective, and there are other life stresses. Thanks for coming back and sharing these things, because it illuminates the sex stuff to an outsider. I'd say your marriage has a lot of challenges and needs a really strong sexual connection, which you don't currently have.

His lack of assertiveness seems to be at the root of a lot of it. Could you work on that as a last ditch effort? You seem to be saying, if you can't be assertive in life, be assertive in bed. But I wonder whether he needs to try both. I tried to get my husband to dominate me more, and it was a long and complicated road. I had to give him more genuine space to explore it, not just play-acting. I had to actually be more submissive to bring out his more dominant side, and convince him I wasn't going to change my mind or suddenly accuse him of being the bad guy.

I think the open relationship thing has disaster written all over it, because of the deeper issues in your marriage. He could just end up a companionate parent, with little respect from you and sidelined in his own sex life. You could always ask him which scenario is least worst; divorced, open marriage forced on him, or seriously attempting to find his inner Dom.
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Aug 17, 2016 misspiggy commented on Savage Love.
PFFT needs to take a leaf out of PORN's book. Odd sex acts with little communication, and secrecy as to at least one partner's motives, keep long relationships interesting. Kids these days with their openness and mutual respect - of course that's going to get dull.
Jun 28, 2016 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Old Dirty Pics Piss Off Sex-Starved Spouse.
One more thought. My husband gets upset that he is making my pain worse by having sex with me. Possibly some deep-rooted gender stuff going on. I have to keep reminding him that I am making my pain worse by having sex with him. It's not his responsibility. I will not give up intimacy and pleasure just because I'm going to be tortured for it later. That's my choice. To feel that he's doing something bad to me is denying my agency.

Also, this kind of illness is degenerative, and it can seem that nobody is able to help. But (in my case) you can get treatment and make changes which massively improve one's quality of life. If this is at all an option for NHS's wife, this is going to be a vital direction to pursue, in addition to everything else.