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Aug 29 misspiggy commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Escape Snatch.
Several comments are assuming that vaginismus or vulvodynia can be easily fixed. It's often a long term feature, even if all the treatment options are followed.Vaginas, while stretchy and all the rest of it, have complex nerves that can go wrong in multiple ways. I feel for these two, although it doesn't change the fact that they shouldn't have got married without much more honest discussion.
Aug 27 misspiggy commented on Savage Love.
Aw phooey, the last bit of my comment didn't post. I'd added that if he isn't being flexible, or if he's being blamey about her not meeting his needs, the relationship needs more work/re-evaluation.

And if someone insisted I wear stockings every time I'd get really fed up, as they limit one's own sensation, and they often itch in a very unsexy way.
Aug 27 misspiggy commented on Savage Love.
I don't know why LW1 is so bothered about her boyfriend's kink. It seems like a relatively easy one to accommodate in several positions, unless either of them is a particularly unusual shape. My partner is similar, but I have long and flexible legs, and I get a lot of joy out of getting him off where others would probably fail.

If it's the understandable annoyance at having to do a similar routine every time, well yes, but many couples end up stuck with a few things that work for them reliably. Finding a way to vary the routine which still works is something many people end up going through.

I don't quite get the resentment about conceiving either - there's absolutely nothing wrong with the turkey baster approach if it proves to be necessary.

So could there be deeper issues of resentment or lack of sexual satisfaction for her, which should be resolved before any children come along? If his sexual style is just offputting for her and she can't change her views, should they be together? Should they be monogamish? And so forth.
Aug 27 misspiggy commented on SL Letter of the Day: Fuck That Guy.
Sorry, that should have read Gosling Major.
Aug 27 misspiggy commented on SL Letter of the Day: Fuck That Guy.
Hmm. If the LW wants lasting love, why does she regularly sleep with people she doesn't find beautiful? I'd say she should fuck Mr Gosling Sr as per Dan's advice, and only continue to fuck other people that are either beautiful to her straight off, or whom she comes to find beautiful after a few months. I mean, not necessarily objectively beautiful, but beautiful to her.

I think no-one should have to settle for a long term relationship with someone they don't feel is beautiful - but beauty can be found in the most snaggle-toothed and unkempt of places, if the relationship is right.
Aug 20 misspiggy commented on Savage Love.
18: Yes. Only with better plots.
Aug 14 misspiggy commented on SL Letter of the Day: Code Breakers.
Q2 - you could always choose someone who understands life as long-term struggle, whether through illness, disability, poverty or some other issue that's not going away. But wouldn't a woman in that situation want someone who has a measure of stability and certainty?

My partner and I struggle with many things, physically and mentally. We have plenty of interesting discussions about it all, and neither of us would cope with someone complacent. But he is absolutely clear about who he is and where he will not give in. I am clear about how to help us both get through life. If we didn't have those things between us, we would founder. Respecting those who struggle is one thing; seeking mutual existential uncertainty is quite another.
Jul 28 misspiggy commented on I Saw Three Black People in Vienna Today....
A huge amount of coffee is grown in Africa. If the coffee is processed and packed in Africa, then the company gets the right to make a big thing of its origins. But even then, cheesy 70s silhouettes rather than images of what African people actually look like? Not impressive.
Jul 23 misspiggy commented on Savage Love.
Agree with 31 and 32. Within the context of my monogamish relationship, all the behaviour described would be OK - if I knew about it. If it was a secret and I found out, I would feel betrayed.

Even if it was the secrecy that was most fun for my partner, I would still want to know in advance that he'd be doing this kind of thing. It's the intimacy with another individual which is the betrayal, when it's not declared and when the main partner has no control over it.
Jul 4 misspiggy commented on Rachel Lark's "Born This Way".
I do wish more musical comedians would try to focus on the first part of their title as much as the second.

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